text_TITL pruh_TITL N:\work\projekty\šablony\sablony\logoC.wmf Assertiveness Jan Řezáč 21/03/2016 www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi ASSERTIVENESS ¢In Latin assere means claim, affirm, emphasize, declare ¢ ¢When you are: Self-confident, responsible for myself, respect others, listen to them, cooperate with them. Assertiveness is often linked to self-esteem. ¢ ¢In the field of psychology and psychotherapy, it is a learnable skill and mode of communication. ¢ www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi ASSERTIVENESS ¢is the quality of being self-assured, cooperative and confident without being aggressive or passive. ¢Mostly, understand others, cooperate, find the consensus, also to be able to say NO and resist pressure ¢passive behaviour: sometimes the way we react and respond to others can make us feel inadequate, guilty or regretful. ¢aggressive behaviour: we may also feel angry and critical of others during conversations. ¢assertive behaviour: is expressing your thoughts, emotions, beliefs and opinions in an honest and appropriate way. www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi Assertiveness and Rights Assertiveness can be described as a way to balance the rights of the two parties involved. More Importance Yours Rights Theirs A G G R E S S I VE A S S E R T I VE N O N - A S S E R T I V E Less www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi ¢Zdroj: http://www.alchemyformanagers.co.uk/topics/U7FcjfSSxK3jHuCS.html www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi FOR EXAMPLE… ¢Aggressive —you exert your right to have ideas and opinions at the expense of the other person’s rights. You might even behave as if the other person’s rights don’t matter. — ¢Assertive —you exert your rights freely, but at the same time recognise the other person’s rights to be heard, to take pride in what they do, etc. — ¢Non-Assertive —you put foremost other person’s rights, to the extent that you forego some, or all of your rights to express ideas or influence events. •Examples www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi ¢Aggressive •“I don’t know how you’ve got the nerve to give me this sort of stuff for signing. It’s full of mistakes.” ¢Assertive  “Jane, I’d like you to re-do this document as there are several mistakes in it.” ¢Non-Assertive  “I know it’s probably my fault in not writing very clearly, but is there, any chance at all you could find a spare minute to just change one or two small things on this letter for me?” Or you find an excuse not to pursue changes in the document at all. •Examples www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi Exercise 1: Aggressive, Passive or Assertive? nThreats and intimidation nAggressive nNever sharing your ideas nPassive nAccepting compliments comfortably nAssertive nManipulating n Aggressive nNot saying no (when you should) nPassive nNot saying yes (when you want to) nPassive www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi Exercise 1: Aggressive, Passive or Assertive? nSarcasm nAggressive nUsing “I need, I want, I feel” statements to express your needs, wants, feelings, or concerns nAssertive nOver apologizing nPassive nRespecting the opinions and needs of others nAssertive nWithdrawal nPassive nBlaming nAggressive n www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi Exercise 1: Aggressive, Passive or Assertive? nBelieving in own opinion and right to be heard nAssertive nEasily intimidated by others nPassive nViolating others’ rights and boundaries in an effort to get what she wants nAggressive nUsing “I” statements to get the message across nAssertive nWorrying about others getting angry nPassive n www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi WHAT DRIVES BEHAVIOUR ¢Inner Dialogues can affect the way we respond, for example: ¢Aggressive “If people produce rubbish, I have every right to tell them so”. “She obviously doesn’t care. That’s typical of young people today.” “This reflects badly on me, and I won’t stand for it.” ¢Assertive “This may be uncomfortable for us both, but we can handle it.” “She has the right to make mistakes, but the responsibility to correct them.” “I want her to know the effect her errors have on other people.” ¢Non-Assertive “I don’t want to make a scene or upset our working relationship.” “I’m sure these are unintentional errors – I’ll let it go this time.” “I know she’s very busy, so I expect that’s why these mistakes happened.” ¢Being aware of these Inner Dialogues can help us consider our response and adjust behaviour to be assertive! www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi ASSERTIVE PEOPLE ¢feel free to express their feelings, thoughts, and desires; ¢are also able to initiate and maintain comfortable relationships with other people; ¢have control over their anger. This does not mean that they repress this feeling; it means that they control anger and talk about it in a reasoning manner; ¢are willing to compromise with others, rather than always pursuing their own way ¢tend to have good self-esteem; ¢enter friendships from an 'I understand my needs. I see your needs' position". ¢know their rights; www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi Assertive rights nSeveral counterintuitive examples: n nRight not to give excuses nRight to take responsibility nRight to make mistakes nRight to change opinion nRight to assess how responsible you are for others nRight to say „I don´t know and I don´t understand nRight to make illogical decisions nRight not to give a damn. n MPV_COMA Communication and Managerial Skills Training www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi Exercise: nA colleague is going to be on the lunch break longer than s/he should be and asks you to take over. nYou don’t like that she asked that from you. www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi Exercise nDuring meeting two your colleagues are discussing while you are presenting a report. www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi Exercise nYour subordinate asks for holiday on Thursday, because her brother is coming. But it is the end of the quarter and you necessarily need her at the workplace. www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi ASSERTIVE TECHNIQUES I ¢Fogging —Fogging is a useful technique if people are behaving in a manipulative or aggressive way. —Fogging is so termed because the individual acts like a 'wall of fog' into which arguments are thrown, but not returned. —involves agreeing with any truth that may be contained within statements, even if critical. By not responding in the expected way, in other words by being defensive or argumentative, the other person will cease confrontation as the desired effect is not being achieved.  Find more at: http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/assertiveness- techniques.html#ixzz2vpzAfket www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi FOGGING ¢Example Situation ¢“What time do you call this? You're late! I'm fed up with you letting me down all the time.” ¢Fogging response: ¢“Yes, I am later than I hoped to be and I can see this has annoyed you.” ¢“Annoyed? Of course I'm annoyed, this has left me waiting for ages. You really should try to think about other people a bit more.” ¢Fogging response: ¢“Yes, I was concerned that you would be left waiting for almost half an hour.” ¢“Well... why were you late?” www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi ASSERTIVE TECHNIQUES II ¢The Stuck Record Technique —It involves repeating what you want, time and time again, without raising the tone of your voice, becoming angry, irritated, or involved in side issues. — —It employs the key assertive skill of calm persistence. — —It also allows you to keep your strengths and also focus on the issue. — www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi THE STUCK RECORD TECHNIQUE ¢Example Situation ¢Imagine that you are returning something that is faulty to a store. The conversation may go as follows. ¢“I bought these shoes last week and the heels have fallen off. I would like a refund please.” ¢“It looks like they've been worn a lot and these shoes were only designed for occasional wear.” ¢Stuck Record technique response: ¢“I have only had them a week and they are faulty. I would like a refund please.” ¢“You cannot expect me to give you your money back after you've worn them out.” ¢Stuck Record technique response: ¢“The heels have fallen off after only a week and I would like a refund please.”  www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi ASSERTIVE TECHNIQUES III ¢Positive enquiry is a simple technique for handling positive comments such as praise and compliments. ¢People often struggle with responding to praise and compliments, especially those with lower self-esteem as they may feel inadequate or that the positive comments are not justified. ¢Positive enquiry is used to find out more details about the compliment or praise given, and agree with it. www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi POSITIVE ENQUIRY ¢Example Situation ¢ ¢Sender: ¢“You made an excellent meal tonight, it was delicious!” ¢Receiver: ¢“Thanks. Yes, it was good. What did you like about it in particular?” ¢This is different from a passive response that may have been: ¢"It was no effort" or "It was just a standard recipe" www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi ASSERTIVE TECHNIQUES IV ¢Negative Enquiry ¢The opposite of positive enquiry is negative enquiry. ¢Negative enquiry is a way to respond to more negative exchanges such as receiving criticism. ¢Negative enquiry is used to find out more about critical comments and is a good alternative to more aggressive or angry responses to criticism. ¢It helps to work with negative feelings on both sides of the conversation. www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi NEGATIVE ENQUIRY ¢Example Situation - Negative Enquiry ¢Sender: ¢“That meal was practically inedible, I can't remember the last time I ate something so awful” ¢Receiver: ¢“It wasn't the best, exactly what didn’t you like about it?” ¢This is different from an aggressive response that may have been: ¢"How dare you, I spent all afternoon preparing that meal" or "Well that's the last time I cook for you" www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi ASSERTIVE TECHNIQUES V - NO Why is it difficult to say No? ¢ ¢If I say no,they may feel hurt or injected ¢If I say no this time, they may not like me anymore ¢If I say no this time,they may never ask again ¢It might not change anything if I say no ¢They would say ‘yes’ to me (and so I will feel guilty if I refuse them) ¢I can’t say no, because I feel sorry for them www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi HOW TO SAY „NO“ ASSERTIVELY ¢Start your reply with a clear ,firm,audible ‘no’. ¢ ¢Do not justify or make excuses. Giving a reason is different from over-appologizing. ¢ ¢Feel that you have a right to say no. ¢ ¢Once you have said ‘no’ , do not stay around waiting to be persuaded to change your mind. Make a definite closure by changing the subject,walking away, continuing with what you were doing, whatever is appropriate. www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi HOW TO SAY „NO“ ASSERTIVELY II ¢Remember you are saying ‘no’ to that particular request, not rejecting the person. ¢If the request takes you unaware or you have not sufficent time to think when asked,you can always say, ‘I will let you know’ in order to make time to think about what you want to say. ¢ ¢Take responsibility for saying no. Do not blame the other person for asking you. ¢Ask for more information if you need it in order to decide whether you want to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’. www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi Final exercise nYou bring your car to a garage for service. You ask the mechanic to call and let you know how much it will cost before doing the work. He doesn't call and when you call him he tells you he has already done the work and your bill is $2500. It is too much. nAt a daily briefing with the team, Your manager comes up with an idea, which you yourself had mentioned to her only 3 days ago. The problem was that she indicated that it was her idea. You are annoyed about this, and want to tackle her after the briefing. nYou want to go to the department meeting. Your manager says to you: “As everyone can’t go the meeting, would you mind staying and answering the phone.” You do mind. nYour own scenario. n MPV_COMA Communication and Managerial Skills Training www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi WHY IS IT DIFFICULT TO SAY „YES“ ¢I don’t deserve it. ¢They might not really mean it. ¢I am not really sure that is what I want. ¢I don’t have enough information. www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi HOW TO SAY „YES“ ASSERTIVELY ¢Say ‘yes’ clearly and definitely. ¢Identify why you would find it difficult. ¢Examine thoughts realistically and ask yourself. ¢Clarified thoughts first, then reaffirm your desire to say ‘yes’. www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi What are the benefits of behaving assertively? www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi ¢Be assertive, change your thinking ¢ ¢http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XI5XBKZZBIc ¢ ¢Tips for being assertive ¢http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubSL1tFmgDc ¢ ¢Training videos good!: ¢http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kW6_U4e5DVI&lis t=PL1ACDDEFDD444060B ¢ ¢http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVF2bg_BMqk ¢Good web page: ¢http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/assertiveness www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi THE INTERPERSONAL CIRCUMPLEX THEORY AND MODEL ¢model for conceptualizing, organizing, and assessing interpersonal behavior, traits, and motives (Wiggins, 2003), ¢was initially inspired by Harry Stack Sullivan (1953) and later realized as a model by Timothy Leary (1957). ¢These theories suggest that we can understand people's personality in social situations by using only two basic personality trait dimensions. The two traits can have many names depending on the specific theory but here we will conceptualize them as agency and communion. www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi INTERPERSONAL CIRCUMPLEX MODEL ¢Source: http://webspace.ship.edu/tosato/interpc.htm www.econ.muni.cz pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB pruh+znak_ESF_13_gray4+bily_RGB text_zahlavi ELECTRONIC SOURCES ¢http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/assertiveness- techniques.html#ixzz2vpzAfket ¢http://webspace.ship.edu/tosato/interpc.htm ¢Business Communication http://stu.westga.edu/~ahinson1/abed6107/busine ss_comm_index.htm ¢ text_TITL pruh_TITL N:\work\projekty\šablony\sablony\logoC.wmf Thank you for your attention http://www.mobileapples.com/Assets/Content/Screensavers/Bye%20Bye.gif MPV_COMA Communication and Managerial Skills Training