Sued a store for "allowing" wild birds to fly around in the air
Rhonda Nichols. She says a wild bird "attacked" her outside a home improvement store in Fairview
Heights, Ill., causing head injuries. That's right: outside the store. Yet Nichols still held the
Lowe's store responsible for "allowing" wild birds to fly around free in the air. She never
reported the incident to the store, but still sued for "at least" $100,000 in damages. In January
2006, the case was thrown out of court.
Sued hospital for having to see the doctors rushing to help their mother
Sisters Janice Bird, Dayle Bird Edgmon and Kim Bird Moran sued their mother's doctors and a
hospital after Janice accompanied her mother, Nita Bird, to a minor medical procedure. When
something went wrong, Janice and Dayle witnessed doctors rushing their mother to emergency surgery.
Rather than malpractice, their legal fight centered on the "negligent infliction of emotional
distress" -- not for causing distress to their mother, but for causing distress to them for having
to see the doctors rushing to help their mother. The case was fought all the way to the California
Supreme Court, which finally ruled against the women. Which is a good thing, since if they had
prevailed doctors and hospitals would have had no choice but to keep you from being anywhere near
your family members during medical procedures just in case something goes wrong. In their greed,
the Bird sisters risked everyone's right to have family members with them in emergencies.


Sued Michael Jordan, because he looks like him
Allen Heckard sued Michael Jordan and Phil Knight on July 2006. Heckard claims he has suffered
emotional trauma because he looks like Michael Jordan. Heckard has filed his look-alike case at the
Washington County Court in Oregon and with a $832 million dollar head. Allen Heckard believes his
life has been rough since people continually think he is Michael Jordan. Heckard says when he plays
basketball, people are constantly telling him he plays like Michael Jordan and this has been
difficult for him. Heckard is only six feet tall, so obviously those who assume he is Michael
Jordan have little regard for height. Heckard even wears Air Jordan shoes, he says that they're the
most comfortable.
Sued after getting stuck on the house he was robbing
In October 1998, A Terrence Dickson of Bristol Pennsylvania was exiting a house he finished robbing
by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up, because the automatic door
opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re- enter the house because the door connecting the house
and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, so Mr. Dickson found himself
locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of
dry dog food. This upset Mr. Dickson, so he sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation
caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars and change.
Sued the school for being called "GAY"
A small-town teenager who was bullied for years by classmates because they believed he was gay was
awarded $440,000 in a settlement. The settlement ended a longrunning battle between the Tonganoxie
School District and 18-year-old Dylan Theno, who sued in May 2004 claiming he was harassed with
homophobic slurs from seventh grade until he quit school his junior year. Theno, who testified that
he isn't gay, recently earned his GED and attends a vocational technical school in Kansas City.

Sued after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler
In January 2000, Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000.00 by a jury of her peers
after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amuck inside a furniture store.
The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving
tyke was Ms. Robertson's son.
Sued a after being bitten for a beagle he provoked
In October 1999, Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas was awarded $14,500.00 and medical expenses
after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in
it's owner's fenced-in yard, as was Mr. Williams. The jury felt the dog may have been provoked by
Mr. Williams who, at the time, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
Sued a restaurant after she slipped on a spilled drink
In May 2000, a Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania
$113,500.00 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the
floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
Sued a nightclub after she fell while sneaking out
In December 1997, Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the owner of a night club in
a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two
front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies
room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000.00 and dental expenses.
Sued Winnebago after crashing it
In November 2000 Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor home. On his first
trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the
drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the Winnie left
the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the
handbook that he couldn't actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new Winnie. (Winnebago
actually changed their handbooks on the back of this court case, just in case there are any other
complete morons buying their vehicles.)
Sued amusement park for not warning him to be careful of thunderstorms
Shawn Perkins of Laurel, Ind. Perkins was hit by lightning in the parking lot Paramount's Kings
Island amusement park in Mason, Ohio. A classic "act of God", right? No, says Perkins' lawyer.
"That would be a lot of people's knee-jerk reaction in these types of situations." The lawyer has
filed suit against the amusement park asking unspecified damages, arguing the park should have
"warned" people not to be outside during a thunderstorm.
Sued against fast-good giants for being fat
Caesar Barber, 56, of New York City. Barber, who is 5-foot-10 and 270 pounds, says he is obese,
diabetic, and suffers from heart disease because fast food restaurants forced him to eat their
fatty food four to five times per week. He filed suit against McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's and
KFC, who "profited enormously" and asked for unspecified damages because the eateries didn't warn
him that junk food isn't good for him. The judge threw the case out twice, and barred it from being
filed a third time. Is that the end of such McCases? No way: lawyers will just find another
plaintiff and start over, legal scholars say.

Pedo priest sued his victim for warning others about him
Priest David Hanser, 70. Hanser was one of the first Catholic priests to be caught up in the sex
abuse scandal. In 1990, he settled a suit filed by one of his victims for $65,000. In the
settlement, Hanser agreed not to work with children anymore, but the victim learned that Hanser was
ignoring that part of the agreement. The victim appealed to the church, asking it to stop Hanser
from working near children, but the church would not intervene. "It's up to the church to decide
where he works," argued the priest's lawyer. When the outraged victim went to the press to warn the
public that a pedo priest was near children, Hanser sued him for the same $65,000 because he
violated his own part of the deal -- to keep the settlement secret. The message is clear: shut up
about outrageous abuse, or we'll sue you for catching us.

Sued his dog-sitter after the dog escaped
Doug Baker, 45, of Portland, Ore. Baker says God "steered" him to a stray dog. He admits "People
thought I was crazy" to spend $4,000 in vet bills to bring the injured mutt back to health, but
hey, it was God's dog! But $4,000 was nothing: he couldn't even take his girlfriend out to dinner
without getting a dog-sitter to watch him. When the skittish dog escaped the sitter, Baker didn't
just put an ad in the paper, he bought display ads so he could include a photo. His business
collapsed since he devoted full time to the search for the dog. He didn't propose to his girlfriend
because he wanted the dog to deliver the ring to her. He hired four "animal psychics" to give him
clues to the animal's whereabouts, and hired a witch to cast spells. He even spread his own urine
around to "mark his territory" to try to lure the dog home! And, he said, he cried every day. Two
months in to the search, he went looking for the dog where it got lost -- and quickly found it. His
first task: he put a collar on the mutt. (He hadn't done that before for a dog that was so
"valuable"?!) After finding the dog, he sued the dog sitter, demanding $20,000 for the cost of his
search, $30,000 for the income he lost by letting his business collapse, $10,000 for "the temporary
loss of the special value" of the dog, and $100,000 in "emotional damages" -- $160,000 total. God
has not been named as a defendant.
Policeman confused a Taser with a gun, killed a suspect, then sued Taser
The City of Madera, Calif. Madera police officer Marcy Noriega had the suspect from a minor
disturbance handcuffed in the back of her patrol car. When the suspect started to kick at the car's
windows, Officer Noriega decided to subdue him with her Taser. Incredibly, instead of pulling her
stun gun from her belt, she pulled her service sidearm and shot the man in the chest, killing him
instantly. The city, however, says the killing is not the officer's fault; it argues that "any
reasonable police officer" could "mistakenly draw and fire a handgun instead of the Taser device"
and has filed suit against Taser, arguing the company should pay for any award from the wrongful
death lawsuit the man's family has filed. What a slur against every professionally trained police
officer who knows the difference between a real gun and a stun gun! And what a cowardly attempt to
escape responsibility for the actions of its own under-trained officer.
Sued him for having the same name
The Tribune Co. of Chicago, Ill. The newspaper chain owns several newspapers, as well as the
Chicago Cubs baseball team. One of its newspaper carriers was Mark Guthrie, 43, of Connecticut. One
of its ball players was Mark Guthrie, 38, of Illinois. The company's payroll department mixed the
two up, putting the ballplayer's paycheck into the paper carrier's bank account. The carrier
allowed them to take back 90 percent of the improperly paid salary, and said they could have the
rest after they gave him a full accounting to ensure he not only got his own pay, but wouldn't have
any tax problems for being paid $300,000(!) extra. The Tribune Co., rather than provide that
reasonable assurance, instead sued him for the rest of the money.
Sued Consumer Reports magazine after bad review
"High Tech" retailer Sharper Image sells a lot of its "Ionic Breeze" air filters. As part of a
comparative review of many air filters, Consumer Reports magazine found the "Ionic" unit was the
worst performer. SI complained, saying it didn't do a "fair" test. CU asked what sort of test
should be done, but SI never replied -- until it sued CU. A federal judge ruled the suit not only
had no merit, but was actually an illegal attempt to squelch public discussion. SI was ordered to
pay CU $400,000 to cover its legal defense costs.
Sued GM because of roof standards after accident
Edith Morgan, mother of Kansas City Chiefs football star Derrick Thomas, who died after being
thrown from his SUV in a crash while speeding in a snowstorm. Morgan said Thomas's neck was broken
because the SUV's roof collapsed a few inches -- not from rolling down the highway because he
wasn't wearing a seatbelt -- and sued General Motors. Her lawyer begged jurors to award more than
$100 million in damages, perhaps more -- he "did not want to put an upper limit on it." GM pointed
out that Thomas's oversize SUV was exempt from federal roof crush standards, yet it met them
anyway. The jury sent a message: of that $100 million, it awarded Morgan ...nothing.

Sued Radio Shack for misspelling her town
Tanisha Torres of Wyndanch, N.Y. The woman sued Radio Shack for misspelling her town as
"Crimedanch" on her cell phone bill. She didn't even ask them to change it; she just sued. "I'm not
a criminal," she whined. "My son plays on the high school football team." Yeah, that makes sense.
The name "Crimedanch" is a common joke; police in the area confirm it's a high-crime area. Still,
Torres claimed she suffered "outrage" and "embarrassment" at having to see that spelling on her
private phone bill. The suit seeks unspecified damages.
Sued Mazda because it failed to provide instructions about the seatbelt
Mary Ubaudi of Madison County, Ill. Ubaudi was a passenger in a car that got into a wreck. She put
most of the blame on the deepest pocket available: Mazda Motors, who made the car she was riding
in. Ubaudi demands "in excess of $150,000" from the automaker, claiming it "failed to provide
instructions regarding the safe and proper use of a seatbelt." One hopes Mazda's attorneys make her
swear in court that she has never before worn a seatbelt, has never flown on an airliner, and that
she's too stupid to figure out how to fasten a seatbelt.
Sued Blain and Copperfield to demand they reveal their secrets to him
Christopher Roller of Burnsville, Minn. Roller is mystified by professional magicians, so he sued
David Blaine and David Copperfield to demand they reveal their secrets to him -- or else pay him 10
percent of their lifelong earnings, which he figures amounts to $50 million for Copperfield and $2
million for Blaine. The basis for his suit: Roller claims that the magicians defy the laws of
physics, and thus must be using "godly powers" -- and since Roller is god (according to him),
they're "somehow" stealing that power from him.