Tension-relieving drugs can cause various side-effects like weight loss, illness or even death. On
the other hand, hypnosis has none of those side-effects. In the same way, drugs do foster
addiction, while hypnosis does not. Moreover, drugs are expensive. In contrast, hypnosis is
inexpensive even for those, who have not mastered self-hypnosis. In summary, hypnosis is far
superior to drugs for relieving tension.


Hypnosis is far superior to drugs for relieving tension. It has none of the dangerous side effects
of the tension-relieving drugs. For example, drugs can cause weight loss or gain, illness, or even
death. Moreover, hypnosis is nonaddicting, compared to the tension-relieving drugs that might do
foster addiction. Referring to the availability, even people who have not mastered self hypnosis
can afford this treatment. On the other hand, tension-relievening drugs are generally expensive.


Hypnosis is far superior to drugs for relieving tension. There exist significant differences
between them, which have impact also on human body. Hypnosis has none of the dangerous side effects
as causing weight loss or gain, illness, or even death in comparison with tension-relieving drugs.
Most of the drugs that relieve tension do foster addiction in contrast to hypnosis which is
nonaddicting. Also tension relieving drugs are expensive. On the other hand, hypnosis is
inexpensive even for people who have not mastered self hypnosis.


Hypnosis is far superior to drugs for relieving tension. It is an inexpensive, nonaddicting method
and has none of the dangerous side effects of the drugs that relieve tension. Tension-relieving
drugs can cause weight loss or gain, illness, or even death. They are also expensive and most of
them do foster addiction.

Tension-relieving drugs can cause various side-effects like weight loss, illness[---1]  or even
death. On the other hand, hypnosis has none of those [---2] side-effects. In the same way[---3] ,
drugs do foster addiction, while hypnosis does not. Moreover, drugs are expensive. In contrast,
hypnosis is inexpensive even for those, who have not mastered self-hypnosis.[---4]  In summary,
hypnosis is far superior to drugs for relieving tension.[---5]



Hypnosis is far superior to drugs for relieving tension. It has [---6] none of the dangerous side
effects of the tension-relieving drugs. For example, drugs can cause weight loss or gain, illness,
or even death. Moreover, hypnosis is nonaddicting, compared to the tension-relieving drugs that
might do foster addiction. [---7] Referring to the availability, [---8] even people who have not
mastered self hypnosis can afford this treatment[---9] . On the other hand, tension-relievening
[---10] drugs are generally expensive.









Hypnosis is far superior to drugs for relieving tension. There exist significant differences
between them, which have impact also on human body. [---11] Hypnosis has none of the dangerous side
effects as causing [---12] weight loss or gain, illness, or even death in comparison with
tension-relieving drugs[---13] . Most of the drugs that relieve tension do foster addiction in
contrast to hypnosis which is nonaddicting. [---14] Also tension relieving drugs are
expensive.[---15]  On the other hand, hypnosis is inexpensive even for people who have not mastered
self hypnosis.










Hypnosis is far superior to drugs for relieving tension. It is an inexpensive[---16] , nonaddicting
method and has none of the dangerous side effects of the drugs that relieve tension.
[---17] Tension-relieving [---18] drugs can cause weight loss or gain, illness, or even death. They
are also expensive  and most of them do foster addiction.
________________________________

 [---1]Oxford comma

 [---2]these

 [---3]Awkward – use “similarly” instead

 [---4]You frequently use very short sentences. This can get tiring in a formal writing after a few
sentences, and here it is obvious the most.

 [---5]The overall text works, but is closer to a draft than an actual text. Work on joining the
sentences together; do not rely on simply adding a few linking words or phrases

 [---6]Needs some transitional expression

 [---7] [---7]The way you switch the structure here is a bit odd – you start talking about
hypnosis, then you say drugs can have some side effects only to continue by talking about the
hypnosis. This is mostly related to the way you connect the second and third sentence (weak
connection/strong break – the way you phrase it makes it sound as if the third sentence would talk
about hypnosis rather than drugs) and the emphasis and order of information in the third sentence
(you seem to emphasize drugs rather than hypnosis)


 [---8]Good; but could be a bit simpler

 [---9]Make it clear  you talk about hypnosis

 [---10]AVOID TYPOS!

 [---11]This is a bit mysterious – the first question leaping to the reader’s head would be “What
else can it affect?” Do not introduce questions you do not wish to answer.

 [---12]They way you introduce the list does not work.

 [---13]Notice how odd this reads -> it is because you break the flow of the text by having the
long list in the middle.

 [---14]Good (though it could use a bit refining at the end).

 [---15]Avoid using “also” at the beginning of the sentence.

 [---16]Try to include all information from the original text

 [---17]Good!

 [---18]Use transitional expression