3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION
3. Second, wildlife management programs have contributed to
growth in the populations of many species ofwildlife that are
often involved in strikes. For example, the once-endangered
Canada goose population has grown by more than 10%
each year for the last 30 years. Canada geese and other birds,
such as gulls, have expanded into urban and suburban areas,
including airports. Third, the number of commercial and noncommercial
flights has more than doubled over the last two
decades __________________________________________
119
a. ; therefore, the parallel increases in wildlife populations and
air traffic contribute to a higher probability of a wildlife strike
b. . This concurrent increase in wildlife populations and air
traffic contributes to a higher probability of a wildlife strike
c. , contributing to a higher probability of a wildlife strike
I ~~ Language Focus: Passive Voice
In most technical solutions, it is necessary to describe a process Of a method.
In the passages in Tasks Four and Five, the explanation of how the water is
collected provides this necessary information. In addition, when you are
describing the method you used to carry out some research, you will essentially
be writing a process description. We have looked at adverbs in process
descriptions; it is now time to turn to verbs.
The passive voice often plays an important role in process descriptions.
We can see why in this example. Look at these brief notes about how
influenza vaccines afe produced.
Three sample The virus strains most likely to cause disease
virus strains are identified and three are selected for vaccine
development.
120
Selected
virus strains
Inactivated
virus strains
ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
Manufacturers inject the virus samples of
each selected strain into separate batches of
fertilized eggs to amplify the amount of virus.
Each virus strain is grown separately inside
the eggs over the course of several days,
after which it is harvested, inactivated, and
purified.
The three virus strains are then combined to
create the vaccine, blended with a carrier
fluid and dispensed into vials.
These steps are descriptive and not intended as a set of instructions. If the
goal is to offer instructions, imperative forms are used to indicate the necessary
steps, as shown in this example of how to inoculate eggs with the
influenza virus.
Inoculation of eggs in flu vaccine development
1. Place eggs into egg trays with the blunt end up, and label
eggs with a specific identification number. Allocate 3 eggs
for each specimen.
2. Wipe the blunt end of each egg with 70% ethanol and
punch a small hole in the shell over the air sac.
3. Aspirate 0.6 ml of processed specimen into a tuberculin
syringe with a 22 gauge, 1 1/2-inch needle.
4. Hold the egg up to the candler and locate the embryo.
Insert the needle into the hole in the shell and, using a
short stabbing motion, pierce the amniotic membrane and
inoculate 100 ~I of the specimen into the amniotic cavity.
Withdraw the needle by about 1/2 inch (1.25 cm) and
inoculate 100 ~I of the specimen into the allantoic cavity.
Remove the needle.
However, if we are interested not in providing guidance for actually perfonning
a particular task, but in explaining how something is done-as in a
process-we would be more likely to write this.
First, the virus strains most likely to cause disease are identified
and three are selected for vaccine development. The virus
samples of each selected strain are injected into separate
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION
batches of fertilized eggs to amplify the amount of virus. Each
virus strain is grown separately inside the eggs over the
course of several days, after which it is harvested, inactivated,
and purified. The purified virus strains are then combined to
create the vaccine, blended with a carrier fluid and dispensed
into vials.
Source for flu vaccine content: World Health Organization, 2011, Manualfor the Laboratory
Diagnosis and Virological Surveillance ofInfluenza. Geneva.
121
Notice that each sentence now refers to a particular stage in the process: the
identification stage, the preparation stage, and the dispensing stage.
What would be the effect if the process were described using the active
voice? As you can see from the following passage, the focus on the stages is
lost and the emphasis shifts to the agent (the person doing the steps-the
researchers or technicians). If the person performing the activity is part of
the sentences and becomes the link of familiar or old information, the
process itself is backgrounded (less in focus).
First, researchers identify the virus strains most likely to cause
disease and select three for vaccine development. Technicians
inject virus samples of each selected strain into separate
batches of fertilized eggs to amplify the amount of virus.
Technicians grow each virus strain separately inside the eggs
over the course of several days, after which they harvest,
inactivate, and purify it. The technicians then combine the
purified virus strains to create the vaccine, blend it with a
carrier fluid and dispense it into vials.
Of course, there may be some occasions when different agents are an important
part of different steps in the process.
Technician I injects virus samples of each selected strain into
separate batches of fertilized eggs to amplify the amount of
virus. Technician 2 grows each virus strain separately inside
the eggs over the course of several days, after which the
technician harvests, inactivates, and purifies it. Technician 3
then combines the purified virus strains to create the vaccine,
blends it with a carrier fluid, and dispenses it into vials.
---"
122 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
However, this now looks more like a job specification or duty roster than a
process description. If information about the agent is important-which is
uncommon-it would be better to describe the process in the following way.
The virus samples of each selected strain are injected by
Technician 1 into separate batches of fertilized eggs to amplify
the amount of virus. Each virus strain is grown separately
inside the eggs over the course of several days, after which
it is harvested, inactivated, and purified by Technician 2. The
purified virus strains are then combined by Technician 3 to
create the vaccine, which is then blended with a carrier fluid
and dispensed into vials.
According to research studies, using by + a human agent is rather uncommon
in formal academic writing, except when describing the history of the
field, as in these examples.
The theory of transformational grammar was first developed
by Noam Chomsky.
The Bayesian method has been used by statisticians for many
years to aid decision making on the basis of limited informa-
tion.
In fact, we are more likely to find by + process or by + a non-human agent.
The impact velocity can be obtained by calculating the difference
of the arrival times of the two waves.
This enzyme is used by the cancer cells to replicate.
The increased mobility provided by this new joint allows
wearers of the finger prosthesis to hold a cup, to pick up a
piece of paper, and in some cases to write again.
Do the three by phrases in this next short passage introduce a process or a
non-human agent?
The rate at which heat will be lost by conduction from the
body will be determined by the magnitude of the temperature
gradient-the steeper the gradient, the greater the heat lossand
the rapidity with which the cooler air in contact with the
skin is replaced by colder air.
3: PROBLEM, PROCESS, AND SOLUTION 123
The by + process statements provide no details. Such by phrases are typical in
published journal articles, especially in the Methods section (see Unit Seven)
of articles in the sciences. However, sometimes further information is useful.
For instance, when you are writing a paper for a class, it might be to your
advantage to make the by phrases more informative.
The passive voice allows you to keep the focus on the something other
than the agent and also allows you to maintain a good flow of ideas. Thus, it
is reasonable to use passive constructions in sections other than a process
description.
TASK TEN
Expand these statements, making them more informative by
replacing the noun phrase with one or more verb phrases. Here
is an example.
Teaching can be improved by in·service training. -7
Teaching can be improved by asking teachers to attend a
range of short courses throughout much of their careers.
1. Bacteria found in meat can be killed by radiation.
2. Possible harmful effects of drugs can be reduced by testing.
3. Information on political preferences can be obtained by polling.
4. Cultures are partly preserved by ceremony and ritual.
5. Changes in land use can be detected by remote sensing.
6. The spread of infectious diseases can be controlled by
vaccination programs.
.. ;W;,
'"
4: DATA COMMENTARY 147
Location Elements and Summaries
Many data commentary sections begin with a sentence containing a location
element and a brief summary of what can be found in a visual display of
information, as shown in these examples.
a. Table 5 shows the rypes of internet misbehavior common among university
students.
b. Table 6 provides summary statistics for the variables used in the analy-
SIS.
0. Figure 2 shows a honeycomb solid oxide fuel cell (SOFC) unit with air
cooling paths.
d. Figure 1 plots wealth as a function of age.
As you can see, location statements direct readers to view important
information in a table, chart, graph, or other figure. Even though research
indicates that readers often look at the visual information before reading,
location statements are expected. They are considered to be a form of
metadiscourse-sentences or phrases that help readers make their way
through a text by revealing such things as organization, referring readers to
relevant parts of a text, or establishing logical connections. Metadiscourse is
a noticeable feature of academic writing, although its value and frequency of
use varies from one writing culture to another.
While grammar checking tools may influence you to largely use active
voice in your writing, the passive can also be used, as demonstrated here. In
fact, in some published texts, the percentage of passive verbs has been found
to be as high as 25 percent.
Summary + Location Element with Passive Voice
a. The types of internet misbehavior common among university students
are shown in Table 4.
b. Summary statistics for the variables used in the analysis areprovided in
Table 5.
0. A honeycomb solid oxide fuel cell (SOFC) unit with air cooling paths
is shown in Figure 2.
d. Wealth as a function of age is plotted in Figure 1.
We bring two points to your attention. First, note the consistent use of the
present tense. This occurs because the author is talking about his or her
148 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
present paper. Second, in English the active forms are just as appropriate as the
passive versions. (However, in a number of languages it may not be natural to
say that a graph or other inanimate object reveals, gives, or suggests.) Although
switching between active and passive voice may seem to be a good stylistic
strategy, a better strategy would be to choose active or passive on the basis of
old-to-new information flow (see Unit One). Specifically, passive constructions
can be used to place the old or familiar information in the subject position
and the new information-that is, the location of the data at the end.
Notice that all the examples thus far provide general summaries of the
data. We have been given no specific details or highlights. We do not know,
for instance, what is significant in the SaFe design or at what age an individual
might be the wealthiest or the poorest. Depending on what you are
writing, you may want to focus more on some significant aspect of the data
rather than merely generally pointing out what data is provided. This indication
may be particularly important when you are using data to make a point.
For instance, ifyou want to argue that students are likely to engage in misbehavior
on the internet regardless ofhow they access it, you could write this
sentence.
Table 5 shows that students engage in misbehavior on the
internet using both private and public computers.
Ifyour point is that wealth increases slowly with age but decreases quickly
after reaching a peak, you could write this sentence.
Figure 1 reveals that wealth is accumulated slowly, but
sharply declines after age 65.
Notice the use of that in the two sample sentences. Sentences containing
that clauses do not easily go into the passive. (The flag indicates incorrect
usage.)
fl:J That wealth sharply declines after age 65 is revealed in
Figure 1.
While the passive version follows the rules of grammar, the sentence that
results seems awk:vvard in comparison to the version in the active voice. Thus,
if you want to highlight some aspect of the data using a that clause, use the
active.
4: DATA COMMENTARY 149
These two ways of pointing the reader to the data are similar to a twoway
classification often used to categorize journal article abstracts. Indicative
abstracts merely indicate what kind ofresearch has been done (i.e., they summarize);
informative abstracts additionally give the main results andlor highlight
something interesting abour the data. The parallel, we believe, is close,
and therefore we can describe location elements as either indicative or
informative.
~ Language Focus: Verbs in Indicative and Informative
~ Location Statements
There are appoximately a dozen verbs commonly used to make reference to
non-verbal material. Some can be used with both types of location statement.
Show is one such verb.
• Indicative statement that summarizes what kind of research was done
Table 4 shows the types of internet misbehavior common
among university students.
• Informative statement that highlights something interesting about the
data
Table 4 shows that illegal downloading of music or films is
common among students.
Notice that the information after the that clause is given in a clause with a
subject and a verb.
Some verbs can be used with only one type oflocation statement. Provide,
for example, can only be used in an indicative location statement and cannot
be used with a that clause. (The flag indicates incorrect usage.)
Table 5 provides demographic information for the study
participants.
fb Table 5 provides that most study participants were fairly
competent internet users.
-~--,
150 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
"TASK FOUR
Decide whether each verb in the table can be used for an indicative
(general summary) location statement, an informative statement
(highlighting a specific aspect of the data), or both. Use the two
sentences that follow the table to help you make your decision.
Mark each box in the table with a Y for yes if the usage is possible
and an N for No if it is not possible. The first two have been done
as examples.
show Y Yc-_._______________~_______~ j_______"____________I
provide Y N
~----------- r------,-------+----------'-----1
give
present
-··-----'-r-----"------------I~--------------I
summarize
-------- ----,,~-,-,,------~"'----------.-------__1
illustrate
reveal
------,,- ,--------,,-_.,-+-,_._--,----------1
indicate
display
demonstrate
---------------------,---+,-------------j
suggest___,________,,"'-",_,.___________..J..._____,___.______--'
The table the effect of social networking use on the
duration of students' study time.
The table that social networking has little, if any,
effect on the duration of students' study time.
UPTUI
We looked at Ken Hyland's (2004) corpus of80,000 words from 80 research
articles in Biology, Physics, Electrical Engineering, Mechanical Engineering,
Marketing, Applied Linguistics, Sociology, and Philosophy to determine
4: DATA COMMENTARY I 51
which verbs are mosr frequently used in full sentences to refer to figures and
tables (Hyland, 2004). Table 6 shows the results ofour analysis. All the verbs
were in the present tense.
TABLE 6. Active Verbs Following Reference to a Visual
Reference to Figure Reference to Table Total
shows 31 15 46
presents 6 7 13
illustrates 7 3 10
summarizes 2 4 6
demonstrates 2 3 5
contains 0 5 5
provides 0 3 3
depicts 2 0 2
lists 0 2 2
reports 0 2 2
TOTAL 94
Hyland, 2004.
We then looked at verbs in the passive voice in references to figures and
tables. The results are given in Table 7.
TABLE 7. Passive Verbs in Reference to a Visual
Reference to Figure Reference to Table Total
shown in 21 23 44
illustrated in 29 5 34
presented in 2 10 12
given in 2 4 6
listed in 0 6 6
seen in 3 4
provided in 3 4
summarized in 3 4
seen from 3 0 3
TOTAL 117
Hyland, 2004.
152 ACADEMIC WRITING FOR GRADUATE STUDENTS
I~ Language Focus: Linking as Clauses
So far, we have used sentences in which the reference to non-verbal data is
either the subject or the agent in the main clause. However, another common
way to introduce informative statements is the linking as clause. Here
are some examples.
As shown in Fig. 1 and Fig. 2, the companies used in this
survey varied significantly in geographical location, size, and
method of operation.
As can be seen in Table 6, the overall rate of recall, while low,
also showed considerable variation.
Shallow junction GM APDs, peripheral area test structures, and
gate-controlled diodes, as shown in Figs. 1(a), 1(b), and 1(c),
were manufactured in p-type epitaxially grown bulk silicon
using a conventional 1.5 um CMOS process reported previously.
As can be seen in Figure 1, the fully charged Lithium-ion
battery supplies 4.2 volts.
These linking clauses (where as does not mean the same thing as since or
becanse) are exceptional in English grammar. In the passive, these linking
clauses have no subjects. Compare the following sentences.
a. As it has been proved, the theory may have practical
importance.
b. As has been proved, the theory may have practical
importance.
In Sentence a there is a causal relationship between the as clause and the
main clause. Because the theory has been proved, it may have practical
importance. In Sentence b the as clause serves to suggest that rhe practical
importance of the theory (not just the theory) has been established.
Although you may find examples that run contrary to this advice, remember
not to use subjects in passive linking as clauses.
Finally, using prepositions with this rype of linking statement can be
tricky. Here are some of the main standard uses.
in As shown in Table 1 ....
by As predicted by the model ....
on As described on the previous page ....
7: CONSTRUCTING A RESEARCH PAPER I 287
TABLE 18. Frequencies of Selected Features in RP Sections
Introduction Methods Results Discussion
Present tense high low low high
Past tense mid high high mid
Present perfect mid low low mid
Passive low high variable variable
Citations high low variable high
Hedges mid low mid high
Evaluative comments high low variable high
As you can see, there are some similarities between the Introduction
and Discussion, on the one hand, and between Methods and
Results, on the other. This may suggest a pattern of more "concrete"
inner sections and more "conceptual" opening and closing
sections.
With a partner, discuss the features of RPs in your field. Would
you rate the frequency of the features as high, variable, or low in
each of the sections? Use the chart below.
Analyze 3-5 papers in your reference collection (or more, if you
have time) to determine whether your perceptions were correct or
correspond to Table 18. If possible, add another feature of your
own to the final row.
- ••- =r:.1~tr~ductionT-M;thoiis~~· Results '-IDiscusSion
f-'~"- -~ ----. .
High low Vanable High low Vanable High low variableJ High low Variable
r:::----. '-i--" _. - ~ . Present
tense x x
fp~st~'" -- -- _. __.••••:-.- •.-+_._-- - ..-~- -- .._.'
--~.~"~~~ ~- ._-- I-~'- _.
Present perfect
.-~-- . -_.-~.
"- ~..- r-' '- ~~.--
-' ..~
Passive
"-'~-~---"
,_. ~-.
~---
t=t=
....~
r-~~
--- .. ~ .. ---Hedges
-~,---~~,,~,~,-
~.-....~~
....,-~
_.- _.._--
Boosters*
b--....-"_·,, ,-,-" .....~ ~~~
r' -.~
.. " ' - '
Citations
~~~~,~"-" .- -..~.- .~ _.- "-"~,--, ..- .. _-'0 ~..
Evaluative
comments
" .. ... '~F"~ r-----f--.- .~ ~
--~-~
One of your
i~own
'---"-~" " ..,-..,--..,,-~-..--
*Boosters consist of language that is chosen to add strength to a claim. They allow authors to indicate a
strong conviction to a claim. Examples include clear/:l, obviously, and ofcourse.