Communication
as the Language of Leadership
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Content
Overall Communication models.....................................
a. 4 sides of a message
b. Distortion in communication
Active listening..............................................................
a. Listen-understand-understand emotionally
b. Theory U
Feedback..........................................................................
a. Basic feedback rules
b. Sandwich model
c. BIO model
d. Constructive model
e. 4 levels of feedback
Sending an effective message.......................................
a. Minto Pyramid Principle
Framing..........................................................................
a. Appreciative Inquiry
References / further reading.........................................
a. References
b. Further reading
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Session responsible: Maaike Boumans
Co-trainers: Jorge Batista (EPSA)
Hervé Tunga (BEST)
Lyda Michopoulou (IAAS)
Judith Hartl (BEST)
Mirna Smidt (ZG)
Gabor Vozari
Ville Ritola (EFPSA)
This handout is based on four sessions that were delivered simultaneously at LSS Istanbul 2014.
It may therefore include elements that weren’t covered in your specific session, and gives you
an opportunity to explore some new models, ideas and techniques! We hope this handout will
serve you in your efforts to be a clear communicator and a good listener. Enjoy.
The objectives of this session are:
 Improve understanding
 (further) Develop listening
 Learn to use communication as a leadership tool
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Overall Communication models.....................................
a. 4 sides of a message
In any kind of communication there is a sender and a receiver, with the message going from
the sender to the receiver, and feedback from the receiver to the sender. The coding (by the
sender) and decoding (by the receiver) of a message depends on the individuals involved and
the context of the communication (work, family, 1:1, group, etc). People can say the same
thing and mean something completely different, or mean the same and express it in different
ways. Schulz von Thun, a German psychologist specialized in inter- and intrapersonal
communication, assumes that every message has four sides, or contains four aspects. When I
make a statement it has four different effects. The person receiving my statement, also listens
for one (or more) of these four aspects in the message. The quality of the conversation
depends on the manner in which sender and receiver interact.
● the fact aspect (the information I want to convey). Every message contains some kind
of information, that is, a rendition of a fact from the sender’s point of view. The pure
content that the words in themselves reveal is termed factual information. Data, facts,
and circumstances are in the foreground. For the factual level there are three
applicable criteria: whether or not the facts are true (or correct/incorrect), relevant
and sufficient (do other things need to be considered?).
● .the self-relevation aspect (what I say about myself). In addition to factual information,
which is always the most visible, every message also contains information about the
sender. The sender always gives away something about himself. He gives hints about
what is going on inside him, how he sees himself, and how he would like to be seen by
others. This may occur in an explicit or an implicit way; usually it is implicit, in the form
of an unintended self-disclosure. The receiver is taking it all in with the self-statement
ear/arrow. Questions s/he might think about are: What does this tell me about the
other? What kind of person are they? What is their disposition?
● the relationship aspect (how I relate to you). Every message also says something about
the relationship between sender and receiver, how the sender feels about the
receiver, about how they are connected with each other. This side of the message is
often expressed through tone of voice, gestures, and facial expressions (nonverbal
signals) as well as through the way something is said, the choice of words. The receiver
often has an especially (overly) sensitive relationship ear. On the basis of this ear the
receiver decides how they feel treated by the sender, and what the sender thinks of
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them, and how the sender relates to them.
● the appeal aspect (what I want to effect on the part of the receiver). A message
normally is not sent “just because,” for no reason or with no intention. Generally it is
always linked with a wish to influence the other person in some manner. The sender
expects not only that his message will be understood, but also that the recipient will
react in some way, that he will take action. This involves wishes, appeals, advice,
directions for action, etc. The appeal ear is therefore listening for ‘What should I do,
think, or feel now?’
According to this theory, the sender thus sents out a message that contains these four aspects,
usually with an emphasis on one or two of them. The receiver is able to notice and be aware of
all the different aspects, or just a few of them. When there is a different focus between sender
and receiver (e.g. the senders’ intention is to emphasize the appeal aspect in the message, the
receiver mainly hears the relationship aspect) it can lead to misunderstanding, confusion, or
conflict.
b. Distortions in communication
We may develop our skills in extracting all the information from the message but despite our
efforts the fact remains that there are other distorting factors in communication. Some of
them are due to our species specific limitations and way of relating to the reality and some
because of individual biases. Simply put, reality for us is always biased. We have outlined some
influences and made a research-based model for thinking about how we distort
communication.
The model includes three distinct levels that have different functions. The main point is that
we humans have some common and individual ways we select, prefer, distort and generalize
information to serve our own needs and make snap decisions based on incomplete or faulty
premises.
1. Cognitive Limitations - main results: Select, simplify and make quick decisions.
We humans are limited in our processing power and working memory capacity much like
computers. You might have heard of the famous slogan 7 +-2 units, which would be the normal
range of human working memory. With working memory we mean our capacity to hold and
process information within our minds. Or if you haven’t heard of “change blindness” we
heartily recommend you to google it as it is one funky and counterintuitive fact about our
perceptual abilities. The fact that we are limited in our capacity and perception means that we
are able to focus and process only so much. Evolutionary wise this has lead our species to
adapt highly functioning simplified ways of processing, called heuristics.
What all of this means is that we are prone to notice only the things we pay attention to (i.e.
what we find meaningful) and making snap assumptions with limited information (as having
more information would serve confuse us and quick decisions are sometimes necessary for
survival).
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2. Common cognitive biases - main results: Bias toward rejecting change and avoiding harm.
As humans we tend to think information that we already know to be more valid than new
information, especially if it acts to disconfirm what we previously thought. We also tend to
seek things that confirm what we think and ignore other sources. We even tend to think that
information that is repeated more often is more reliable. In decision making we often try to
avoid or minimize losses rather maximize gains as a way of resolving anxiety. There are
individuals who differ from this as well but most of us tend to bias towards to this direction.
Also, despite being called cognitive biases, this level is already mixed with personality factors,
like self-esteem or self-efficacy.
What this means is that it is difficult to change people’s minds once they are set (boy did we
know this one already) and that fear of harm is a very powerful motivator and a deterrent.
3. Individual biases - main results: perceiving reality in a consistent and (mal-?)adaptive way.
Each of us is born with our individual biological blueprint that gets modified and psychological
add-ons according to the experiences we have and the decisions we make. We make our
values and belief systems, learn through experience and are easily swayed by our emotions.
These factors affect the way we understand reality and can be powerful drivers of behavior,
both in functional and adaptive ways but also dysfunctional and maladaptive ways.
What can I do about it you ask? Knowledge about these factors and self-awareness are usually
the key. Sufficient knowledge you will find on the internet. Seek self-awareness through
honest reflection, discussions and feedback. Some things are easier to see, dispute and change
but how do you dispute your world view or go beyond your cognitive capacity? There are
answers to these questions but they involve long-term work on yourself and a creative touch.
In order to influence others better it is good to try and see what is distorting your message for
them, and that is best done by listening actively.
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Active listening..............................................................
a. Listen-understand-understand emotionally
We’d like to present one simple way of looking at
active listening, the listen-understand-understand
emotionally model. The main point of this model
is to illustrate that there are different levels of
understanding from only understanding the issue
from your point of view up until intimate
understanding of the other’s message. This model
divides this process into 3 levels that build
understanding on top of each other through more
complex listening behaviors/tools. Needless to
say, the borders are not clear cut and you might
not reach the highest understanding even if you
do everything “by the book.” If you are not
genuinely interested in the person you are merely
pretending active listening, which is a form of
unwanted manipulation.
Listening
On this level you are only paying attention to the
words but hardly go any deeper than that. You
might be able to repeat what was just said, but
you would not be able to condense the core
message if you’d be asked.
Tools to show and reach this level:
- Body language to show you are listening
- Verbal validation (mhm, go on)
- Not interrupting
Understanding
On this level you are able to understand the point of what was said - you can see what the
other had in mind and are not bound to your own subjective view anymore.
Tools:
- Checking understanding by paraphrasing, clarifying
- Showing interest
- Asking questions
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Understanding emotionally
On this level you can not only understand the point of what was being communicated but also
the feelings behind them. Here you will have to rely more extensively on non-verbal cues than
before.
Tools:
- Empathy, having similar experiences
- Establishing rapport by mirroring body posture
- Observing non-verbal communication
- Questions about emotions
- Patience, true understanding doesn’t come easy
b. Theory U
Theory U (developed by Otto Scharmer, scholar at MIT) is a framework, a method for leading
profound change, and a way of being. It works with the notion that the quality of the results
we create in any kind of social system, depends on the quality of the awareness or attention
people in that system operate from. ‘The quality of the intervention depends on the interior
quality of the intervener.’ (Bill O’Brien)
The success of our actions as changemakers (or as friends, colleagues, partners) doesn’t
depend on what we do, or on how we do what we do, but on the inner place from which we
act. We are often not aware of the inner place from which we’re operating. Scharmer calls this
‘the blind spot of leadership’:
There is much to say and learn about Theory U, and we warmly invite you to check out the
website from the Presencing Institute (www.presencing.com), which holds a wealth of
resources. We’ll go through the frameworkbriefly, emphasizing the listening aspect of the
model as inspiration to think about what ‘active listening’ might mean.
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The image above describes the process of leading and learning from the emerging future
(rather than learning from past events, which most learning methodologies are based on)
.Scharmer distinguishes four levels of listening: ‘downloading’, ‘seeing’, ‘sensing’, and
‘presencing’.
When we listen from a ‘downloading’ place, we simply hear things we already know – we’re
listening for past patterns that confirm our preconceived ideas and judgements. Listening from
this place results in outcomes and behaviours we already know. When we suspend our Voice
of Judgement, in other words, when we open our mind, we start ‘seeing’ with fresh eyes. We
are able to listen with curiousity and without judgement. We might question some of our
assumptions. Moving further down the U, opening our heart and letting go of the Voice of
Cynicism, we redirect our attention and start ‘sensing’. Sensing what is happening around us,
what is happening for our team members, what is happening in ourselves. When we listen
with an open heart, we listen with kindness and compassion. The fourth level of listening,
‘Presencing’ – combining the words “sensing” (feeling the future possibility) and “presence”
(the state of being in the present moment) – means “sensing and actualizing one’s highest
future possibility – acting from the presence of what is wanting to emerge.” To listen from this
place, requires us to let go of our Voice of Fear, to connect to our open will. It invites us to be
fully present, to listen with full awareness – to tune in to the future that wants to emerge.
We can use these different levels of listening when we are engaged in communication with
others, as a tool of active listening, and notice when judgement, cynicism, or fear might
influence what we are hearing and how we are responding.
From active listening, we might take steps – acting or responding to what we hear. These
stages are represented in the right side of the U in the image above: summerized in the stages
of ‘crystallizing’, ‘prototyping’ and ‘performing’. After going down the left side of the U,
reflecting at the bottom of the U, you go up the U and act from the insights gathered. These
stages are more apparent in a process of change (e.g. in a company going through a visioning
process).
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Feedback..........................................................................
a. Why is feedback important?
Feedback is a unique chance to see yourself and your behaviour through the eyes of another
person. In order to receive feedback, your actions must have left an impression (be it positive
or negative) on someone. This is the first and foremost message of any feedback: You and your
behaviour have an impact on your environment. The nature of this impact, and the impression
others have, could be fundamentally different from your own perception – and are yet not
“less true”. Feedback can be seen as a gift: as a package of information, nicely wrapped,
related to a specific topic, that has been offered to you, or that you are offering to somebody.
Like any gift, it can be bigger or smaller, richer or poorer, nicer or nastier; and, also like any
gift, you can choose whether to use it or not. Some people have a certain talent of giving
constructive feedback; others just don’t know how to approach it, same as with birthday
presents. The important aspect is that when you comprehend those characteristics of
feedback as a “gift”, you can detach from it, analyze it, and it becomes easier to take and give
it.
As such, Feedback is one of the best tools you have for motivating people, improving
work efficiency, developing others, creating a proper work environment, creating synergy and
connection in your team. In the right hands and with the proper perception, this tool can do
wonders. But, as any skill, giving and receiving feedback is something that has to be learned,
practiced, improved; it is a skill you develop over time.
We develop through feedback, and we help other people develop by delivering it. In order to
provide opportunities for growth and empower the receiver, feedback should be delivered in a
way that it can be accepted and digested. Some general guidelines would be:
 Personalise your feedback: Make clear that what you are saying is your personal
opinion, not an overall truth. Send “I” messages (“In my opinion...”, “I felt...”, ...)
 Do not judge: State facts, as you remember them, but do not judge if right or wrong,
good or bad, smart or stupid.
 Provide specific examples: Refer your feedback to situations you both remember, to
make it tangible, concrete and credible.
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 Feedback behaviour: Do not feedback the person (“You are great/stupid/selfish”), as
this is generalising and hard to take for the receiver. There are exceptions to this
guideline – see “Levels of Feedback”
 Make improvement suggestions: These suggestions should be concrete and possible
to achieve for the feedback receiver (“next time, you could...”)
 Be honest and true: With all feedback – positive and negative – stay honest. Most
things can be said and taken, the question is how something is said.
 Time your feedback: Wait for the right moment, when both you and the receiver can
focus on the feedback process. Also, ask the receiver if he would like to get feedback
(now).
 Watch the “BUT”! The word "but", along with its cousins "however" and "although,"
when said in the middle of a thought, create contradictions or mixed messages. In
essence, putting "but" in the middle tells the other person, "Don't believe a thing I said
before".
b. Sandwich model
One very common and well-known model for feedback
delivery is the sandwich model. With this method, you
 start with some specific positive feedback
 continue with specific improvement points
 end with a general positive observation and encouragement for the future.
The main purpose of a sandwich model is to balance both concrete and specific positive and
negative feedback. We need positive feedback in order to know what we are already doing
right, what we might want to keep or maybe even develop further. We also need negative
feedback, to know which specific behaviours we might want to change and how. The sandwich
model takes care of this balance.
However, often people see “feedback as a gift” metaphor too literally and try to “sugar-coat”
negative feedback with general positive clichés to hide it. This is not beneficial, because then
none of the feedback parts can reach its goal. The positive feedback (the “bread”) is too
general and too unimportant to have an impact, and people receiving it are already expecting
the “meat” and not even listening to the positive part. The negative part might not reach its
goal because it has been hidden in the positive information.
c. BIO model
Feedback is very beneficial if each piece of information (whether it is positive or negative)
follows a certain structure. One model you can use is the BIO model.
 B – behavior: start the sentence with an observation (not a judgement) of a behaviour
– “I noticed that … (you left the meeting early yesterday).” Not “I didn’t like it when …”
 I – impact/impression: continue with what impression that behaviour made on you,
how it made you feel, how you reacted to it – “I had the impression that you do not
care about the topic.”
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 O – outcome (desired): finish with what you would like to see in the future, what
would the desired outcome be – “I believe I would be much more comfortable if you
announced in advance if you need to leave early.”
A good healthy combination of BIO and the sandwich model is recommended. A BIO sandwich
is very healthy, since every slice of bread and every steak in it is carefully BIO grown and an
important part of the whole meal. We don’t put any artificial ingredients into our BIO
sandwich – everything you get is good for you and makes you grow. We don’t deal with
chewed over, stale and outdated ingredients – everything we offer is fresh and made
specifically for you. Sometimes it’s good to have a vegetarian version, and sometimes we only
need the protein to make our muscles grow faster. Keep your BIO sandwich fresh, and you are
bound to stay in good shape!
d. Receiving feedback
Receiving feedback is as challenging as giving feedback. It becomes easier if the feedback you
get is delivered in a good way (see above). However, in order to take full advantage, and to
digest also the parts which are hard to chew, the following guidelines might help:
 Ask for feedback: When having completed a task, a process, or any action you would
like to hear others’ opinion on, ask for feedback. This makes it easier for your partner
to deliver feedback. Additionally, you can ensure that you receive feedback at the right
time – when you are ready for it.
 Ask for clarification: If you do not understand, ask for clarification. However, try not to
interrupt, and listen carefully before asking.
 Do not explain: It is tempting to defend oneself, and justify one’s behaviour. As
feedback reflects a personal impression, there is no right or wrong, but different
perceptions. Accept it as that, and see it as an opportunity to gain new perspectives.
 Stay calm and open-minded: No matter how hard the feedback is to take, stay calm,
polite and open-minded. Even if you disagree, there is something to learn from every
feedback point you get.
 Always say “thank you”. Remember that the feedback is for you, and s/he took time and
effort to prepare it. So you should thank for it, like you would do for any gift, either you
like it or not.
 Take the time to analyze what you received, and only afterwards decide whether to use
it or not.
e. The levels of feedback
Next to the general guidelines and basic models on how to deliver feedback, you need to
consider what kind of feedback you want and can give. There are different levels of feedback,
and the one you choose depends a lot on the circumstances, the subject of feedback, the
relation you have to the person, and the responsibility you feel yourself. Feedback can be
given on different levels that have a different impact and require different conditions. These
levels are:
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1. Task level
2. Process level
3. Self-regulation level
4. Self level
Task level
This level includes feedback about how well a task is being accomplished or performed, such as
distinguishing correct from incorrect answers, acquiring more or different information, and
building more surface knowledge. This type of feedback is most common and is often called
corrective feedback or knowledge of results, and it can relate to correctness, neatness,
behaviour, or some other criterion related to task accomplishment.
Examples:
“This is right/wrong.”
“You avoid eye-contact when speaking.”
“You did a very clear schedule.”
Process level
Feedback on the process level is more specific to the processes underlying tasks or relating and
extending tasks. Such feedback concerns information about relations in the environment,
relations perceived by a person, and relations between the environment and the person’s
perceptions. The side effect of process feedback is to help people realize their own strategies
for error detection, thus providing themselves with feedback.
Examples:
„When you start working on an assignment, you usually make a plan first, which helps you
keep your eyes on the goal.“
„When you answer questions, you often start with „I don't know,“, which gives the impression
that you are unsure of yourself. If you need time to think, stay quiet for a second.“
„When you are leading a meeting, you often rush things too much and prevent people from
stating their mind. Take more time.“
Self-regulation level
Self-regulation involves an interplay between commitment, control, and confidence. It
addresses the way you monitor, direct, and regulate actions toward the goal. This is feedback
that builds up on the process level feedback, and it implies autonomy, self-control, selfdirection,
and self-discipline. In the end, it is encouraging and empowering the person to
feedback themselves. Often it comes in form of questions, rather than statements.
Examples:
„What did you do differently this time to make it work?“
„Observe your body language when you feel comfortable on stage. Notice how different it is
from when you feel uncomfortable.“
„I noticed a change in your behaviour. What did you do?“
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Self level
We include a final level of feedback not because it is effective but because it is often present
and too often used instead of other levels. It focuses on the personality of the person and
usually contains little task-related information and is rarely converted into more engagement,
commitment to the goals, enhanced self-efficacy, or understanding about the task. It can have
an impact on learning only if it leads to changes in students’ effort, engagement, or feelings of
efficacy in relation to the learning or to the strategies they use when attempting to understand
tasks.
It is important, however, to distinguish between praise that directs attention away from the
task to the self (because such praise has low information value to achievement and learning)
and praise directed to the effort, self-regulation, engagement, or processes relating to the task
and its performance. This latter type of praise can assist in enhancing self-efficacy and thus can
be converted by students back into impact on the task, and hence the effects are much
greater.
Example:
“You’re really great because you have diligently
completed this task by applying this concept”
„You have this amazing open and adapting personality
which allows you to establish rapport so easily – and I
believe it also sometimes prevents you from stating your
mind when you disagree.“
Note that as you move up the levels of feedback, the
relationship becomes more and more important.
Feedback on self-level can have a great impact only if it
comes from a person you trust and believe in their
positive intentions. Therefore make sure you establish
powerful rapport before you move up the levels of
feedback, as it will be much easier for the person receiving the feedback to accept it and put
effort into creating a change.
Sending an effective message.......................................
Sending an effective message, starts with being aware and clear about what message you
actually want to send. What is it you really want to say? What do you want the other person to
know, to remember, to act on? What is the intention behind your words?
From this clarity, think about what might be the best medium to send your message: is that
face to face, in a public speech, in a (handwritten!) letter, an email, a post on facebook, or an
advertisement in your local newspaper?
When deciding on the medium, keep in mind your audience (age, background, language, etc)
and the context (ranging from cultural/political/social context to the time of day, the location
and other factors that might influence your message).
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And perhaps most importantly (and not always easy ): practice to speak from your heart –
speak with honesty, clarity, and kindness.
a. Minto Pyramid Principle
The Minto Pyramid Principle, a structured thinking and communication technique designed by
Barbara Minto, provides a process and system for organizing ideas to create compelling
business documents, and boost the effectiveness of your communication. It helps you
organizing your thinking so that it jumps easily off the page to lodge in a reader's mind. It
notes that people ideally work out their thinking by creating pyramids of ideas, for example in
grouping together low-level facts they see as similar, drawing an insight from having seen the
similarity and forming a new grouping of related insights.
Extended thinking eventually ends in a single pyramid of ideas, at many levels, obeying logical
rules, and held together by a single thought. Communicating the thinking requires only that
you guide the reader down the pyramid.
The technique applies to every type of document in which your purpose is to offer your
thinking to a reader – email, 1-page memo, multi-page report, or formal slide presentation.
Although the concept is often talked about in the context of writing, it is a way of thinking that
can be effectively used both in written and oral communication.
Framing..........................................................................
“I have a dream. ” or “Yes we can.” Two sentences that are examples of powerful framing: they
provide a clear image that people can connect with and find convincing. Framing is an integral
part of all of our communications – in media, in politics, in personal conversation, in
childrenbooks, in movies. As such, it is a powerful tool and it’s helpful to be aware of its
existence and influence. See for example the TED talk by Chimamanda Adichie on ‘The danger
16
of a single story’. People can be depicted as freedom fighters, or as terrorists. Economic
growth as the solution, or as the very reason for the world’s major problems. Our worldview is
made up of various ‘frames’ – e.g. images of how the world works, what is right and what is
wrong, what success looks like. These frames are formed by the culture we grow up in, our
family, our personal history, as well as events that happen, how these are portrayed by the
media, etc.
Every message we sent out, we also frame in a specific way. Sometimes consciously,
sometimes unconsciously. Some of the aspects involved in framing we have already discussed
in earlier parts of this handout. Here we want to go into one method that can be used for
framing that is called appreciative inquiry.
a. Appreciative Inquiry
Appreciative Inquiry is a strategy for intentional change that identifies the best of ‘what is’ to
pursue dreams and possibilities of ‘what could be’; a cooperative search for strengths,
passions
and life--‐giving forces that are found within every system and that hold potential for inspired,
positive change. (Cooperrider & Srivastva, 1987)
Appreciative Inquiry (A.I.) is an alternative approach to problem solving, as it does not focus
on the problem, but on what is working well. And rather than analyzing possible causes, it
looks for ‘what might and should be’. A.I. works with asking questions that strengthen a
systems’ capacity to understand, anticipate and increase positive potential. It thus uses a
different framing – unconditional positive questions – which results in a different process and
outcome.
A.I. works with a few assumptions such as: ‘what we focus on becomes our reality’, ‘the act of
asking questions influences the community in some way’, ‘it is important to value differences’,
‘the language we use creates our reality’, and follows a 4 stage process of ‘discovery’, ‘dream’,
‘design’, and ‘destiny’. These are specific to when you are using A.I. in an organization,
community or company with the purpose of creating positive change in that setting. The basis
of A.I., the act of asking positive questions, a way of framing something, can be used in any
conversation and context.
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References / further reading.........................................
a. References
Theory U: www.presencing.com
Effective message: Minto Pyramid Principle -- Book
Appreciative Inquiry: http://appreciativeinquiry.case.edu/
Framing: Chimamanda Adichie: the danger of a single story
b. Further reading
WEB LINKS
● Communication Skills
● 5 ways to listen better
● Clean Language
● The ‘4 Ears’ Model of Communication
● Ladder of Inference
● Johari’s Window
● Active Listening
● Giving and receiving feedback
● I -messages
● Social Styles and Effective Performance; book (Link)
● The Social Styles Handbook; book (Link)
BOOKS
● Hattie, J. and Timperley , H. (2007). The Power of Feedback
● O'Connor, J. and Seymour, J. (1993). Introducing NLP: Psychological Skills for
Understanding and Influencing People
● Theory U, Otto Scharmer
● Mastering Communication, Nick Stanton
● Rule #1 Stop talking, Linda Eve Diamond
● The lost art of listening, Michael P. Nichols
● Giving and perceiving performance feedback, Peter R. Gaber