© Bobbie Burdett, 2007, 2011 bobbie@authenticoach.com, www.authenticoach.com
Learning and Protecting Modes
Bobbie Burdett
Arguably, the most important wellness skill is the ability to recognize when our attitudinal focus is
unhealthy and then to consciously shift it to one that is more life-enhancing.
Since the 1950’s, the field of psychology has steadily moved toward a cognitive perspective that says that
a primary cause of dysfunctional behavior is dysfunctional thinking, and that thinking processes are
shaped by underlying beliefs. It speaks more to the cognitive choices we make, rather than to
unconscious drives or external punishments and rewards. The scientific supporting evidence for this
perspective is mounting. In the last few years, the field of positive psychology is standing on the solid
ground of cognitive research as it endeavors to explore human psychological and emotional health, as
opposed to the study of pathology — i.e. looking at what works instead of what doesn’t.
Barbara Frederickson, from the University of Michigan, has been studying for many years the effects of
positive emotions as the result of positive outlook. It’s led her to what she calls the “broaden and build
theory of positive emotions.” She says,
“…positive emotions have a complementary function and broaden people's momentary thought action
repertoires. For instance, joy creates the urge to play, push the limits, be creative. Interest creates the urge
to explore, take in new ideas and learn.… positive emotions can literally transform [broaden] people into
more creative, knowledgeable, resilient, socially integrated versions of themselves… and these various
resources that positive emotions build can in turn function as reserves that people can draw on later in other
circumstances, even in dire circumstances, and those reserves can improve coping and odds of survival.”
A positive outlook helps us to live longer, healthier, and more successfully.
“That’s all well and good,” you might say, “but not so easy to do when you’re facing personal failure,
chronic or acute illness, or family tragedy.”
I totally agree!
That’s why it’s a good idea to form a practice during ordinary times that will help us to survive, and
perhaps even thrive, during extraordinary times. When we engage a new way of thinking or acting, we are
literally forming new neural maps in our brains that, with practice, become well-traveled internal byways
when we need them most. That translates into a potentially easier transition from distress and ineffective
reactivity to either courage to act with intelligence or wisdom to accept, as the circumstance requires. So
when bad things happen, we might be able to make a leap from feeling overwhelmed, victimized, angry,
and blaming to an outlook of inquiry, curiosity, and intention to learn. The latter state gives us a calmer
mind, more creativity in finding solutions to problems, and renders us better able to garner support.
There are many disciplines or practices that effectively teach the skill of changing one’s emotional state
from disabling distress to effective action: Many forms of meditation, prayer, and spiritual practices help
you to be more mindful, open, and resilient. In Cognitive Therapy (www.beckinstitute.org) and Rational
Emotive Therapy (www.rebt.org), you are taught to effectively refute negative thoughts and beliefs that
cause distress. The Sedona Method (www.sedona.com) is an elegant system that teaches simple and
powerful methods for releasing thoughts and feelings. The Institute of HeartMath (www.heartmath.org)
teaches you to use your heart energy, your breath, and the power of gratitude and appreciation to bring
your mind and body into a peaceful coherence. Byron Katie (www.thework.org) teaches you to ask four
simple questions about thoughts and beliefs that cause you stress, which, when explored, bring about
profound changes. Ann Weiser Cornell teaches a process called Focusing (http://tinyurl.com/55sjyq) that
teaches you to make friends with a felt sense and allow it to take you to a transformative release, insight,
© Bobbie Burdett, 2007, 2011 bobbie@authenticoach.com, www.authenticoach.com
or new level of awareness. Gary Craig (www.emofree.com) teaches you to transform even long-held
distress to comfort sometimes in a matter of minutes with an easy system of tapping on acupressure
points (it really works!)
All of these are extremely useful and I encourage you to explore what interests you.
There is another simple way I like to use to bring awareness to the thoughts and beliefs that cause us
stress. It comes with the awareness that we live in essentially two modes of being which lie along a
continuum. I identify them as “learning and protecting.”
In learning mode, we are curious, open to what is, as it is, and we are able to relate to the person or
situation at hand. We are in what is known as “beginner mind.” We feel spacious, curious, interested, and
flexible. The movement is expansive and it feels good. We experience more of the positive emotions of
empathy, compassion, forgiveness, gratitude, joy, and playfulness. We’re able to be in the present. We
are able to think laterally (brainstorm) and creatively look at many possible solutions to problems and then
make the best choice from many options. We are able to investigate our stressful thoughts in pursuit of
peace, understanding, and being in the world more effectively.
In protecting mode, we are defensive and judgmental. We’re attached to our thoughts that only our
perspective is correct. We’re invested in controlling the situation, which can often wind up making things
far worse and repelling others. The movement is contraction and it feels bad. We tend to feel negative
emotions of fear, anger, anxiety, and shame. Our bodies feel heavy and tight. We’re limited in our
thinking. Our discourse and thoughts tend to run in repetitive circles that only make us more stressed and
alienate others. Our effectiveness is hampered, perhaps to the point that we are our own worst enemies.
To be clear, I’m not suggesting that you not take care of yourself when you need to. There are many
circumstances when self-protection is, without question, the healthy course of action. So I want to make
an important distinction between protecting mode and protecting oneself in learning mode. Protecting
mode hurts. Taking care of ourselves in learning mode doesn’t. Granted, when we are being attacked
mentally, emotionally, or physically, it takes a very high degree of self-mastery to stay in learning mode
and take care of ourselves, but it is possible. There are countless stories of masters and sages who are
able to do this.
One story that comes to mind is a story of a Tibetan monk who had been imprisoned and tortured by the
Chinese for 18 years. When he was finally released, he was talking to the Dalai Lama and said it was a
dangerous time. But the danger for him was not losing his life. It was losing compassion for his Chinese
torturers that he considered most dangerous. This is a master who lives in learning mode.
In the normal course of things, we live our lives on a learning/protecting continuum—dancing from
learning to protecting, protecting to learning in myriad ways—each mode containing the seed of the other.
It’s not a case of either/or, black/white. Like most things in wellness, it’s a process. It’s all in degrees. We
can be mostly in learning mode, until we uncover that little edge of protecting that is holding us back from
a greater degree of freedom, peace, and creativity. As we become more familiar with the terrain, we are
aware that learning mode just feels better. In time we become motivated to spend more time there.
Sometimes the simple awareness that we are in protecting mode, and recognition that it feels bad, is all it
takes to shift.
Usually our transition out of any habitual protecting pattern happens slowly in little ways, starting with the
awareness after a protective event has passed. Hopefully with compassionate awareness, we learn
retroactively. Then before long, we are aware of our protecting reaction while the event is in process. With
practice and clear intention, we become aware of it just as we start to slide into protecting mode and are
able to quickly shift to learning mode. Over and over, practicing with small steps, insight by insight,
throughout our daily lives, we learn and form the learning habit. What we are doing is actually forming
new neural mappings in our brains. Then when we need it most, we are able to surprise ourselves by
staying in learning mode in a situation where before we surely would have slid into protecting mode and
made everything much worse. That’s a time for celebration!
© Bobbie Burdett, 2007, 2011 bobbie@authenticoach.com, www.authenticoach.com
The objective is not perfection and to stay in learning mode ALL the time. It’s just not realistic for most of
us. The objective is to get better and better at self-correction and to simply get more flexible, one little
experience at a time. It’s the path to effectiveness and wholeness.
Here’s an interesting correlate. If the black box of a trans-Atlantic jet liner were examined, it would reveal
that it is off course 50-70% of the time. So how can that be so if it arrives on time at its destination? The
reason is because it self-corrects extremely rapidly so it has the appearance of being on course, even
though it’s actually off course a lot of the time.
Another way to look at the transition from protecting to learning modes is when you first see an ugly bug.
Your response may be repulsion. You want to get away from it or get it away from you. If you are
cultivating learning mode, you may be able to stretch your attention just enough to notice one little thing
about the bug. You notice it has wings. Then you stretch just a little more and notice that the wings have
an iridescent blue tinge to them. That awareness leads you to notice that there are also some green and
purple shades that interweave with the blue forming a subtle and pleasing pattern. Pretty soon you are
quite interested in the bug as you watch it cleaning itself in the sunshine. And before you know it, the ugly
bug has transformed into a beautiful bug. You have made the journey from aversive distress to interested
peace and you have another friend in this amazingly diverse world.
However you conceive of this practice, whether it be in psychological, spiritual, or religious terms, this
process of opening ourselves with peaceful acceptance, curiosity, and mindfulness is the foundation of
finding wholeness in body, mind, and spirit. I’m not going to say that it’s an easy journey. Our ugly bugs
can be many and scary. But I will say both from personal experience and from coaching and witnessing
many people through the process, it is the most rewarding activity I’ve ever found. It does transform our
lives if we take small steps as often as possible to engage our ugly bugs in learning mode with as much
awareness, curiosity, and kindness as we can muster..
Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad, the 13th
century mystic best sums it up with the following poem:
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
© Bobbie Burdett, 2007, 2011 bobbie@authenticoach.com, www.authenticoach.com
Here are some questions that may help on your journey:
• What are your physical cues when you enter into protecting mode? What subtle or not-so-subtle
sensory shift happens? How can you use this information as an early warning system?
• What other ways can you find to view the story or situation?
• What’s the result of protecting in regard to your connections with others and your own peace of
mind and relaxation of body?
• What happens to your awareness if you state the situation in very simple terms that a third grader
could understand?
• Last but certainly not least, try asking yourself the question, “What can I learn here?” Just that
simple question can often help you to make the shift to a more effective and peaceful experience.