• Suppose you cannot meet your boy (girl)
friend in a long time.
• And you meet your boy (girl) friend at airport.
What would you do? How do you feel?
• Where does this feeling of love come from?
Romantic relationships in youth
Tomo Umemura
3/23/0016
Overview of lecture
• Dating in youth
– Definition of dating
– Development of dating from adolescence to emerging
adulthood
– Gender differences
• Love in youth
– Sternberg’s theory of love
– Development of love from adolescence to emerging
adulthood
– Cultural differences
– Origin of love: where does love come from?
Definition of dating
• Defining “date” and “dating” is not easy today
– Going to movies, football games, etc.
– Picking up a girl at her house.
– Replaced by “going with” or “handing out with”
• Same as traditional concept of date
– 15-year-old adolescents named typical dating
activities:
• Going to a movie, dinner, mall parties,
• Different from traditional concept of data
• Visiting each other’s homes.
• Hanging out at mall and school
Development of dating
• Developmental sequence of dating in American
adolescents:
1. Same-gender groups go to places where they hope to
meet other gender groups.
• Malls and fast-food restaurants
2. Participating in social gatherings arranged by adults
• Parties and school dances
3. Mixed-gender groups go to some events together
• Movies, dinners, concerts, etc.
4. Couples go to date in activities
• Movies, dinners, concerts, etc.
• Is this true? Different in other countries?
Development of dating,
regardless of physical maturity
Development of dating
• Reasons for dating from adolescence to
emerging adulthood:
– Adolescents:
1. Recreation (fun and enjoyment)
2. Intimacy (establishing a close emotional relationship)
and status (impressing others)
– College students:
1. Intimacy
2. Companionship (sharing pleasurable activities)
3. Recreation
4. Status
Gender differences of dating
• Young people have different ideas about what males
and females do for dating.
• A study of dating scripts
• What are scripts?
– a series of behaviors that are expected in a particular
situation or environment.
• People develop a sequence knowledge for a given situation
• E.g., scripts of birthday
• E.g., going to grocery store
– We learn from past experiences and use these expectations.
• based on one’s multiple exposure to the same set of experiences.
– Cognitive models that guide one’s own behaviors.
• Scripts help us understand what to perform.
Gender differences of dating
• Young people have different ideas about what males
and females do for dating.
• A study of dating scripts
– Boys:
• Proactive:
– Initiating date, deciding where to go, controlling the public domain
(driving and opening doors), initiating sexual contact
– Girls:
• Reactive:
– Focusing on private domains (dressing and grooming), responding to
male’s gestures (being picked up, waiting male to open door)
– Girls have become a lot more assertive today, but this
pattern seems to still remain today.
– As youths become older (e.g., in college), females are more
likely to initiate dating more than before.
Dating scripts for boys
Dating scripts for girls
Gender differences of dating
• Young people have different ideas about what males
and females do for dating.
• A study of dating scripts
– Boys:
• Proactive:
– Initiating date, deciding where to go, controlling the public domain
(driving and opening doors), initiating sexual contact
– Girls:
• Reactive:
– Focusing on private domains (dressing and grooming), responding to
male’s gestures (being picked up, waiting male to open door)
– Girls have become a lot more assertive today, but this
pattern seems to still remain today.
– As youths become older (e.g., in college), females are more
likely to initiate dating more than before.
Dating during adolescence is good?
• Adolescence who date regularly are likely to:
– Be more popular
– Have more positive self-image
• Early adolescent girls who date:
– Depressive mood
• Maybe because they are in a sexual pressure from their
partner (according to textbook)
• Too early to transfer from parents to the romantic
partner (I believe)
– Parents do not support or provide love to their youths
– Young people seek emotional support and love to their partner
Parenting Styles
• Dianna Baumrind’s 4 patterns of parenting
styles
Demandingness (Control)
Responsiveness
(Warmth)
High Low
High Authoritative Indulgent
Low Authoritarian Indifferent
Parenting Styles
• Authoritarian Parenting Style
– Parents want compliance.
• They want to control over their children.
– No warmth and nurturance.
• They expect the child to be mature.
– Parents have very strict, rigid rules.
• They're not very interested in what the child thinks or feels.
• No conversation.
Parenting Styles
• Indifferent Parenting style
– Parents are somewhat neglectful.
• They are not aware of the child's needs.
• There is very little communication.
• Parents place few demands on the child.
• They are not involved in their life.
– Parents are relatively detached from the child's
mental/emotional needs.
• They will provide the basic needs.
• But after that, there is not much connection there.
Dating during adolescence is good?
• Adolescence who date regularly are likely to:
– Be more popular
– Have more positive self-image
• Early adolescent girls who date:
– Depressive mood
• Maybe because they are in a sexual pressure from their
partner (according to textbook)
• Too early to transfer from parents to the romantic
partner (I believe)
– Parents do not support or provide love to their youths
– Young people seek emotional support and love to their partner
Dating during adolescence is good?
• Early adolescent girls who date:
– Depressive mood
• Maybe because they are in a sexual pressure from their
partner (according to textbook)
Too early
dating
Sexual
demand
Depressed
Dating during adolescence is good?
• Early adolescent girls who date:
– Depressive mood
• Too early to transfer from parents to the romantic
partner (I believe)
– Parents do not support or provide love to their youths
– Young people seek emotional support and love to their partner
No parental
warmth
Seek warmth
to partner
Sexual
demand
Depressed
Dating during adolescence is good?
• Adolescence who date regularly are likely to:
– Be more popular
– Have more positive self-image
• Early adolescent girls who date:
– Depressive mood
• Maybe because they are in a sexual pressure from their
partner (according to textbook)
• Too early to transfer from parents to the romantic
partner (I believe)
– Parents do not support or provide love to their youths
– Young people seek emotional support and love to their partner
• What you all think about dating in adolescence?
Romantic relationships in youth
Tomo Umemura
3/23/0016
• Dating in youth
– Definition of dating
• Not easy to define due to diverse ideas.
• Some ideas remain similar to traditional dating, but some new ideas
emerge today.
– Development of dating from adolescence to emerging adulthood
• Group dating to couple dating
• Different reasons for dating
• No link to physical maturity
– Gender differences
• Script knowledge about gender roles in dating
• Boys = more proactive vs. girls = reactive
• Today = more equal
• Adolescents vs. emerging adults
– Early dating: good vs. bad?
• Early-adolescent dating girls are likely to depressed. Why?
Love
• Sternberg’s theory of love
1. Passion
• Physical attraction and sexual desire
• Involves intense emotion: desire, anxiety, delight, anger,
jealousy
2. Intimacy
• Feeling of closeness and emotional attachment
– Mutual understanding, support, and open communication
3. Commitment
• Pledge to love someone long time
• Through ups and downs
Love in youth
• Developmental trajectory:
– During adolescence:
• Most relationships last only a few weeks or months
• Only a few relationships last a year or longer
• In many industrialized countries today, young people do
not get married until mid- to late-twenties.
• So, less commitment, but more passion and intimacy
– During emerging adulthood:
• More commitment than before.
Cultural differences on dating and love
• European youths date less formally than do American
youths.
– European youths do pair up as boyfriends and girlfriends.
• But more rarely distinguish a specific event for their partner.
• More typically going out in mixed-gender groups.
• Going out simply as friends without thinking of potential paring.
– Non-Western cultures, dating is also rare.
• All youths experience delight and despair of passionate love
– Regardless of geographical region, economic characteristics, and
many other ways
• Marriage as a outcome of romantic love is a new cultural
idea:
– In most cultures, marriage has been arranged by parents
– Many cultures have some versions of Romeo and Juliet story.
• Please discuss with classmates about cultural differences.
– Do you have a different version of Romeo and Juliet story?
Falling in love
• People tend to choose romantic partners who are alike.
– Intelligence
– Social class
– Ethnic background
– Religious beliefs
– Psychical attractiveness
• This phenomenon is called “Consensual validation”
– People like to find in others an agreement with their own
characteristics
– And validate their own way of looking at the world.
• E.g., one goes to religious service vs. the other believes that it is a
waste of time.
• E.g., one believes watching starts is romantic vs. the other believes
it is boring.
Where does the love come from?
• Romantic relationships and parent-child
relationships are similar.
• Freud (1940. p. 188) “Love has its origin in attachment to
the satisfied need for nourishment.”
• Attachment theory:
– Similarities between attachment to romantic partners
and to parents.
• Partners try to maintain closeness to each other
– Children also maintain closeness to parents
• Partners seek each other for comfort in time of crisis
– Children also seek comfort to parents
• Extended separation from partner generate distress
– Children also get distressed by expended separation
• This is a psychological
assessment to measure one’s
experiences about secure
relationships
– with mother (Doctor’s office)
– with partner (Sue’s accident)
• Using the following words,
please make a story. Please
elaborate your story as much
as you can.
• You should be able to make
nice stories if you have
secure attachment with your
mother and with your partner.
Where does the love come from?
• What are scripts?
– a series of behaviors that
are expected in a
particular situation or
environment.
– We learn based on one’s
multiple exposure to the
same set of experiences.
– Cognitive models that
guide one’s own
behaviors.
• Scripts help us understand
what to perform.
Where does the love come from?
• In both stories:
– One person hurts.
– The other person helps.
– The other person
comfort him/her.
– One person get
recovered.
– Both people are happy.
Where does the love come from?
Script studies: Using the following words, please make a
story. Please elaborate your story as much as you can.
Attachment Relationships
from Infancy to Adulthood
Developmental Perspective
Romantic relationships in youth
Tomo Umemura
3/23/0016
• Love in youth
– Sternberg’s theory of love
• 1. Passion; 2. Intimacy; 3. Commitment
– Development of love
• adolescence – less commitment
• emerging adults – more commitment
– Cultural differences
• European vs. American dating
• Non-Western vs. Western dating
• Passionate love as universal
– Fall in love
• Consensual validation: choose a partner who are alike.
– Origin of love
• Similarities between romantic love and parent-child love
• Attachment theory
• (Evolutionary perspective)
Romantic relationships in youth
Tomo Umemura
3/23/0016
Overview of lecture
• Dating in youth
– Definition of dating
– Development of dating from adolescence to emerging
adulthood
– Gender differences
• Love in youth
– Sternberg’s theory of love
– Development of love from adolescence to emerging
adulthood
– Cultural differences
– Origin of love: where does love come from?