As is the case with victims of domestic violence, abusers can be anyone and come from every age, sex, socioeconomic, racial, ethnic, occupational, educational, and religious group.  They can be teenagers, college professors, farmers, counsellors, electricians, police officers, doctors, clergy, judges, and popular celebrities.  Perpetrators are not always angry and hostile but can be charming, agreeable, and kind.  Abusers differ in patterns of abuse and levels of dangerousness.  While there is not an agreed-upon universal psychological profile, perpetrators do share a behavioural profile that is described as “an ongoing pattern of coercive control involving various forms of intimidation, and psychological and physical abuse.” While many people think violent and abusive people are mentally ill, research shows that perpetrators do not share a set of personality characteristics or a psychiatric diagnosis that distinguishes them from people who are not abusive.

There are some perpetrators who suffer from psychiatric problems, such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, or psychopathology.  Yet, most do not have a psychiatric illness, and caution is advised in attributing mental illness as a root cause of domestic violence.  The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychological Association (DSM-IV) does not have a diagnostic category for perpetrators, but mental illness should be viewed as a factor that can influence the severity and nature of the abuse. A person engages in domestic violence because he or she wishes to gain and/or maintain power and control over an intimate other, and believes he or she is entitled to do so.

 The abuser has a need to ensure that they gain/maintain control of how the partner thinks, feels, and behaves. Physical and sexual abuse is the behaviour most people think of as "the problem".  It is the abuse most easily recognized or identified and often the only behaviour that is illegal. However, the abuser may not need to use physical forms of abuse against the victim to maintain control because the victim attempts to do all they can to avoid the physical and sexual attacks. A victim need only be threatened or harmed once to know the abuser is willing and able to use physical and/or sexual abuse against them.

 Tactics of Abuse

The abuser uses many different tactics to gain and maintain control. Not all of these tactics are used in every relationship, and the tactics may be changed as the victim's response changes. The abuser will switch tactics when the victim learns to respond to one type of tactic or attack. When the struggle to challenge the abuser becomes too exhausting or too dangerous, the victim begins to modify their behaviour--slowly giving up control of pieces of their life in order to avoid further abuse or to survive.

 Examples of the most prevalent behavioural tactics by perpetrators include:

Abusing Power and Control

The perpetrator’s primary goal is to achieve power and control over their intimate partner.  In order to do so, perpetrators often plan and utilize a pattern of coercive tactics aimed at instilling fear, shame, and helplessness in the victim.  Another part of this strategy is to change randomly the list of “rules” or expectations the victim must meet to avoid abuse.  The abuser’s incessant degradation, intimidation, and demands on their partner are effective in establishing fear and dependence.  It is important to note that perpetrators may also engage in impulsive acts of domestic violence and that not all perpetrators act in such a planned or systemic way.

Having Different Public and Private Behaviour

Usually, people outside the immediate family are not aware of and do not witness the perpetrator’s abusive behaviour.  Abusers who maintain an amiable public image accomplish the important task of deceiving others into thinking they are loving, “normal”, and incapable of domestic violence.  This allows perpetrators to escape accountability for their violence and reinforces the victim’s fears that no one will believe them.

 Projecting Blame

Abusers often engage in an insidious type of manipulation that involves blaming the victim for the violent behaviour.  Such perpetrators may accuse the victim of “pushing buttons” or “provoking” the abuse.  By diverting attention to the victim’s actions, the perpetrator avoids taking responsibility for the abusive behaviour.  In addition to projecting blame on the victim, abusers also may project blame on circumstances, such as making the excuse that alcohol or stress caused the violence.

 Claiming Loss of Control or Anger Problems

There is a common belief that domestic violence is a result of poor impulse control or anger management problems. Abusers routinely claim that they "just lost it," suggesting that the violence was an impulsive and rare event beyond control. Domestic violence is not typically a singular incident nor does it simply involve physical attacks. It is a deliberate set of tactics where physical violence is used to solidify the abuser's power in the relationship. In reality, only an estimated 5 to 10 per cent of perpetrators have difficulty controlling their aggression.  Most abusers do not assault others outside the family, such as police officers, coworkers, or neighbours, but direct their abuse toward the victim or children. This distinction challenge claims that they cannot manage their anger.

Minimizing and Denying the Abuse

Perpetrators rarely view themselves or their actions as violent or abusive. As a result, they often deny, justify, and minimize their behaviour. For example, an abuser might forcibly push the victim down a flight of stairs, then tell others that the victim tripped. Abusers also rationalize serious physical assaults, such as punching or choking, as "self-defence." Abusers who refuse to admit they are harming their partner present enormous challenges to persons who are trying to intervene. Some perpetrators do acknowledge to the victim that the abusive behaviour is wrong, but then plead for forgiveness or make promises of refraining from any future abuse.  Even in situations such as this, the perpetrator commonly minimizes the severity or impact of the abuse.