MUNI Mindful Minds

Week Six – Practising Kindness

Reflection on the Past Week

In the past week, we practiced an approach of being with difficulties and exploring them with interest. We used the analogy of two arrows, where the first arrow represents what happens to us in life (for example, forgetting our wallet at home), and the second arrow is how we automatically react to it, often with negative thoughts and self-criticism (for example, "this must only happen to me"). By learning to hold our difficulties in a kind and broad awareness, we won't automatically react to them and shoot the second arrow at ourselves, or gradually unleash a whole barrage of arrows causing us stress and suffering. The approach that is very supportive and healing for such a process of experiencing stressful situations is to incline the mind towards kindness, which we extend towards ourselves and others.

Enjoy week six consciously 💛


Introduction to Week Six


Week Six – Practising Kindness

Discovering true kindness and gentleness towards oneself is not easy and obvious. The upbringing in our culture tends to focus on shortcomings and constant reminders of what is still lacking for perfection. We are more influenced by self-critical attitudes, shame, and guilt.

Let's remind ourselves of the model of the four components of our experience: emotions, thoughts, bodily sensations, and impulses to do something. You may now realize how often these four aspects of our experience are influenced by self-criticism. The antidote that protects us from the impact of the second arrow of unhealthy self-judgment is the reminder of kindness and the cultivation of self-compassion.

In this week, you will experience how negative thinking patterns can dissolve and change as you cultivate kindness in everyday life. Finding inner balance is based on developing a kind and friendly attitude towards oneself, including the qualities that we perceive as flaws or shortcomings. To cultivate this ability, we will learn a new exercise called "Befriending," which will help you connect more deeply with your compassion, kindness, and generosity towards yourself and others.

We will learn to be kind to ourselves, just as we are to our dearest friends.


Brain research shows that practicing Mindfulness (kindness) turns off the circuits in our brains associated with aversion (reactivity) and activates those related to openness, creativity, and empathy. This also supports the dissolution of fear, guilt, and anxiety, which can lead to chronic stress and exhaustion.

Adapted from Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a Frantic World (Williams & Penman, 2011: 184-208)


1. Befriending

This practice originates from the ancient tradition of metta, which translates literally as "cultivating kindness" or "loving-kindness." As we have already discovered, mindfulness allows us to turn directly towards our difficulties, face to face. Mindfulness also enables us to develop the capacity to stay with what we discover in a kind presence – to simply be with it without generating aversion or applying strategies to avoid the experience. This ability to allow the experience to be just as it is is cultivated through the Befriending practice, which is infused with gentle interest. 

Instructions

In the following meditation, we will cultivate the ability to befriend our experience. Remember that you don't have to feel anything at all! You may also experience feelings of sadness or other unpleasant emotions. What's important is to incline your mind toward kindness and friendship – that's enough.

Just as our feelings influence our thoughts and shape our world, our thoughts also influence our feelings, and we can start by slowly inclining our mind toward kindness. Simply say these words to yourself, or any other words that resonate with you and bring you comfort:

  • May I be free from suffering
  • May I be happy & healthy 
  • May I have ease of being
OR

  • May I be safe and well
  • May I be peaceful
  • May I live with ease and with kindness

Meditation 7 – Befriending (10 min)

2. Random act of kindness

One of the most powerful ways to develop greater kindness and compassion is to practise conscious acts of kindness. This week, we invite you to do something for others every day. It can be your secret mission that you don't have to tell anyone about. 

Instructions

Consider carrying out an unexpected act of kindness for someone else. It doesn't have to be something grand. For example:

  1. You could assist a colleague in organizing their desk
  2. Help a neighbor with their groceries
  3. Do a task for your partner that you know they dislike doing.
  4. If you've finished reading a good book or newspaper, why not leave it on a bus seat?
  5. Why not declutter your home by giving away possessions you no longer need? Instead of throwing them away or recycling them, consider donating them to charity. 
  6. If a colleague is feeling overwhelmed with a particular task, you could brighten their day by leaving a small treat on their desk in the morning. A bouquet of flowers could completely transform their day. Note: You don't always have to reveal that you're the one behind it – do it simply out of goodwill, with warmth and understanding.
  7. If there's an elderly person living alone nearby, why not share your phone number with them in case of an emergency? There's no need to inform anyone else about it. Give selflessly and infuse it with warmth and empathy.
  8. If you come across someone who needs help today, why not lend them a hand?
You don't have to wait until you "feel like doing it" – view the action as a meditation itself, an opportunity for learning and exploring your reactions and responses. Observe how it affects your body. Take note of your feelings.


Adapted from Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a Frantic World (Williams & Penman, 2011: 206-207)

Remember that a spontaneous act of kindness can be something quite small. For instance, giving someone a friendly smile and wishing them a nice day. Each time, observe the feelings it evokes in you and where it reflects in your body.


Home Practise for Week Six

Main practices

  1. Breath and Body (8 min) – everyday
  2. Befriending (10 min) – everyday

New habits in everyday life

  1. Random Acts of Kindness – everyday
  2. 3-Step Breathing Space (3 min) – 2-3 times a day at regular times and also when encountering difficulties.
  3. 10 Fingers of Gratitude – everyday
  4. 50:50 Awareness – everyday

Please do not distribute or reproduce this work without the permission of the authors.

This program was created with the kind permission of Professor Mark Williams and the Oxford Mindfulness Center, who allowed us to use their materials as sources. It is a unique integration of the original program by the mentioned authors and our clinical and theoretical knowledge and skills.

Bernard, P., Cullen, C., & Kuyken, W. (2020). Mindfulness for Life: A Handbook for the Course. Oxford: Oxford Mindfulness Center.

Williams, J.M.G., & Penman, D. (2011). Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a Frantic World. London: Piatkus.

Světlák, M., Linhartová, P., Knejzlíková, T., Knejzlík, J., Kóša, B., Horníčková, V., ... Šumec, R. (2021). Being mindful at university: A pilot evaluation of the feasibility of an online mindfulness-based mental health support program for students. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.581086.

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