1. Why is Russian transit diversification solved by dumping everything into the sea?


[DEL:             :DEL] In this short article[DEL: , :DEL] I would like to provide a[INS: n :INS]
historical background of[DEL: the :DEL] Russia's energy commodities transit relations with[DEL: the
:DEL] Belarus and the Ukraine. This case study should help the reader to understand the complex
interactions between those states, which is crucial in comprehending the diversification tendencies
of Gazprom and why is [INS: the :INS] South Stream [INS: is :INS] not a geopolitical weapon of
Russia.[INS: :INS]


[DEL:             :DEL] Relationships in the natural gas transit sector[DEL: , :DEL] between the
three states are without a doubt very problematic. [DEL: The :DEL] Belarus, which for many years
had cheap natural gas at the same price level as in Russia's home market as granted[INS: (? :INS]
[INS: This needs revising – the sentence is complicated and has lost meaning :INS] [INS: ) :INS] ,
took an ice cold shower[INS: (idiomatic/informal – not appropriate in an academic text) :INS] ,
when[INS: , in 2007, :INS] Gazprom started to move the price towards the European levels[DEL: in
2007 :DEL] . Constant arguing [DEL:   :DEL] about[DEL: the :DEL] transit fees collected from Minsk
on [INS: the :INS] one hand[INS: , :INS] and Moscow pushing Belarus to pay for their consumed gas,
along with a [INS: R :INS] [DEL: r :DEL] ussian tension to buy Belgatransgaz1[INS: :INS] on the
other[INS: , :INS] [DEL: hand :DEL] resulted [INS: in :INS] [DEL: to :DEL] gas disuptes[INS: (check
the spelling of this word) :INS] , most notably in 2004, 2007 and in 2010. However, [INS: it was
:INS] only in 2004 and in 2007 [INS: that :INS] the gas [INS: was :INS] [DEL: is :DEL] actually
halted (Yafimava 2010: 3). It is ne[INS: cessary to mention :INS] [DEL: eded to say :DEL] , that
Belarus had also experience with stealing [INS: R :INS] [DEL: the r :DEL] ussian oil [INS: and
:INS] [DEL: nad :DEL] with [INS: the :INS] strategic withholding of supplies in 2007, when Min[DEL:
k :DEL] s[INS: k :INS] was effectively draining the Druzhba pipeline to compensate for [INS: R
:INS] [DEL: r :DEL] ussian unpaid transit fees. These fees,[INS: :INS] [DEL:  which were :DEL]
demanded despite existing agreements, were actually made up by Mr Lukashenko[INS: , :INS] [DEL: as
:DEL] a retaliation for Russian cancelation of [INS: the :INS] duty free zone for transporting oil
into Belarus (Koďousková et al. 2014: 283). [INS: T :INS] [DEL: Last comment about t :DEL] he
reliability of Belarus as a transit country[INS: can be summed up in :INS] [DEL: , could :DEL]
[DEL: b :DEL] [DEL: e :DEL] [INS: a :INS] [DEL: the :DEL] statement made by Mr Lukashenko[INS:
:INS] [DEL: , who :DEL] in 2010[INS: , when he stated :INS] [DEL:  says, :DEL] that Belarus w[INS:
ould :INS] [DEL: ill :DEL] stop [INS: the :INS] transit of natural gas to Europe if Gazprom [INS:
did :INS] [DEL: would :DEL] not pay transit fees (Yafimava 2010: 9).[INS: :INS]


[DEL:             :DEL] [INS: It is not necessary to discuss :INS] [DEL: There is no need :DEL]
t[INS: he :INS] [DEL: o talk about :DEL] Ukraine[INS: ’s :INS] [DEL:  as a :DEL] reliab[INS: ility
as :INS] [DEL: le :DEL] [INS: a :INS] transit country [INS: over long periods of time, but rather,
it is :INS] [DEL: for very long time. :DEL] [DEL: It is completely :DEL] sufficient to [INS: look
only at :INS] [DEL: bring :DEL] [DEL: up :DEL] the years 2006 and 2009. The [DEL: latter :DEL] gas
disruption[INS: of 2009 :INS] was [INS: considerably :INS] [DEL: much :DEL] more critical [INS:
than :INS] [DEL: due to the fact, :DEL] that [INS: of :INS] [DEL: in :DEL] 2006[INS: , due to the
fact that in 2006, :INS] [DEL: halting of :DEL] gas supplies[INS: were :INS] [DEL: lasted :DEL]
only[INS: halted :INS] for a few days (Koďousková et al. 2014: 265). [INS: However, i :INS] [DEL: I
:DEL] n 2009[INS: , the :INS] state owned Naftogaz d[INS: id :INS] [DEL: oes :DEL] not have enough
finances to pay [INS: its debts :INS] [DEL: his dues :DEL] to Gazprom and [INS: did :INS] [DEL: is
:DEL] not send[DEL: ing :DEL] [DEL: the :DEL] payments on time. Gazprom claim[INS: ed :INS] [DEL:
s, :DEL] that[INS: , :INS] if the whole debt [INS: was :INS] [DEL: is :DEL] not paid, a new
contract w[INS: ould :INS] [DEL: ill :DEL] not be signed (Koďousková et al. 2014: 266). On
1^st[INS: :INS] [DEL:  of :DEL] January[INS: 2009 :INS] , Gazprom uph[INS: eld :INS] [DEL: olds
:DEL] [INS: its :INS] [DEL: his :DEL] word when natural gas [INS: to the :INS] [DEL: for :DEL]
Ukraine [INS: was :INS] [DEL: is :DEL] halted due to [INS: the :INS] non-exist[INS: ent :INS] [DEL:
ing :DEL] contract. [INS: G :INS] [DEL: Needless to say, g :DEL] as for [INS: E :INS] [DEL: e :DEL]
uropean customers[INS: was :INS] [DEL: is :DEL] [DEL: :DEL] still flowing[INS: , :INS] [DEL: .
:DEL] [INS: b :INS] [DEL: B :DEL] ut on the 5th [DEL: of :DEL] January[INS: , :INS] [INS: the :INS]
Russian Federation claim[INS: ed :INS] [DEL: s, :DEL] that[INS: the :INS] Ukraine stole 0.063 bcm
of natural gas, which was running to Europe. Interestingly[DEL: enough :DEL] , a letter [DEL:
adressed :DEL] [INS: addressed :INS] to Gazprom and written by [INS: the Chief E :INS] [DEL:
Naftogaz e :DEL] xecutive[INS: of Naftogaz, :INS] Mr Oleg Dubyna[INS: , :INS] made its way to the
press. A[INS: n aspect :INS] [DEL:  part :DEL] of [INS: U :INS] [DEL: u :DEL] krainian law[DEL: was
the content of this letter :DEL] , which s[INS: tated :INS] [DEL: ays :DEL] that non[INS: - :INS]
[DEL: :DEL] contracted gas in pipelines can be claimed by Ukraine (Pirani, Stern and Yafimava 2009:
17-19)[INS: was included in the letter :INS] [INS: (what is the point of this sentence?  It doesn
:INS] [INS: ’t explain anything and needs a clear link to the next sentence if you are to leave it
in. :INS] [INS: ) :INS] . [DEL: However :DEL] [INS: On 5^th January 2009, v :INS] [DEL: v :DEL]
olumes of natural gas flowing to Europe [INS: were :INS] [DEL: are :DEL] drastically reduced during
the[INS: course of the :INS] day[INS: , :INS] and next morning they [INS: we :INS] [DEL: a :DEL] re
completely halted. [INS: The f :INS] [DEL: F :DEL] low [INS: was :INS] [DEL: is :DEL] [INS: finally
:INS] resumed after 15 days[INS: , :INS] on [INS: 22^nd :INS] January[DEL: 22th :DEL] . [INS: The r
:INS] [DEL: R :DEL] esult[DEL: s :DEL] of this dispute[DEL: s :DEL] [INS: was that :INS] [DEL: are
:DEL] [DEL: follow :DEL] [DEL: ing :DEL] [DEL: : :DEL] Gazprom [INS: was :INS] [DEL: is :DEL]
labelled [DEL: as :DEL] an unreliable supplier[DEL: , :DEL] which[INS: had :INS] left Europe
freezing during[INS: a :INS] harsh winter. Another implications are speeded diversification
policies and projects, which will in turn hurt also Ukraine[INS: (makes no sense – re-think and
re-work) :INS] .[INS: :INS]


[DEL:             :DEL] A more stealthy dimension[INS: (?) :INS] c[INS: a :INS] [DEL: o :DEL] mes
from [INS: a statement by :INS] Naftogaz[DEL: 's statement :DEL] , which threatened Gazprom to
steal gas if contract is not sealed. This already predicted crisis to some way.[INS: (all the
underlined is confusing and makes little sense – you need to re-think and re-work) :INS] [INS: .
:INS] As stated earlier, Gazprom claimed that [INS: the :INS] Ukraine [INS: had :INS] stole[INS: n
:INS] 0.063 bcm[INS: of gas :INS] for their own market, which [INS: wa :INS] [DEL: i :DEL] s a
false statement. This small amount of natural gas, also known as 'technical gas' is used to run
compressors in pipelines[INS: ; :INS] [DEL: . :DEL] [INS: i :INS] [DEL: I :DEL] n other words,
without a minimal volume of gas flowing, pipelines [INS: c :INS] [DEL: w :DEL] ould not operate
correctly. What is important here is who provides this gas. Normally 'technical gas' is added to
[INS: the :INS] sum demanded from [INS: the :INS] producer of gas, [DEL: which :DEL] [INS: which,
in this case, :INS] w[INS: as :INS] [DEL: ould be :DEL] Gazprom[INS: :INS] [DEL:  in our case :DEL]
(Pirani, Stern and Yafimava 2009: 20). It is unnecessary to add, that this practice did not work in
2009.[INS: (if :INS] [INS: it’s :INS] [INS: :INS] [INS: unnecessary to add this statement, then why
have you added it?) :INS] [INS: :INS]

[DEL:   :DEL]

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:             :DEL] One thing is a missunderstanding or lack of will to understand to a single
part of deal about the provider of technical gas, when Naftogaz takes this gas from volumes to
Europe and Gazprom expects Neftogaz to provide this gas by himself.[INS: (this makes no sense and I
can’t decipher what you wish to say here :INS] [INS: – :INS] [INS: re- :INS] [INS: think and
re-work). :INS] [INS: Naftogaz :INS] [INS: also employed the :INS] [INS: practice of :INS] [DEL:
Another thing :DEL] [DEL: altogether :DEL] [DEL: is :DEL] turning [DEL: the :DEL] pipelines to
reverse flow[DEL: by Naftogaz :DEL] [DEL: , :DEL] so[INS: that the :INS] Ukraine c[INS: ould :INS]
[DEL: an :DEL] supply [INS: stored :INS] [DEL: the :DEL] gas [DEL: from storages :DEL] to the
energy hungry east and south. [DEL: This :DEL] [INS: H :INS] [DEL: h :DEL] owever[INS: this
practice :INS] explicitly closed the route for [INS: R :INS] [DEL: r :DEL] ussian gas reaching
Europe[INS: .  :INS] [DEL: . B :DEL] [INS: T :INS] [DEL: ecause t :DEL] he reverse turning of
pipelines is mechanically complicated[INS: and so :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] we can safely assume that it
[INS: had been :INS] [DEL: was :DEL] planned for a long time (Pirani, Stern and Yafimava 2009: 24).
In [DEL: the :DEL] light of these events, it is much [DEL: more :DEL] easier for a reader to [INS:
draw :INS] [DEL: make :DEL] their own [INS: conclusions :INS] [DEL: picture :DEL] about th[INS: e
:INS] [DEL: o :DEL] se two companies, when Gazprom complains that Naftogaz blocked the pipelines
and Naftogaz retaliates with Gazprom's closed valves[INS: (this sentence doesn’t fit here – you
need to link it oin somehow or delete it) :INS] . [INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: To :INS] [DEL: In :DEL] conclu[INS: de, :INS] [DEL: sion :DEL] [INS: the :INS] author finds
th[INS: at :INS] [DEL: e :DEL] endurance of both companies with which they ignored and overlooked
the fastest way to resume flow to their partners in Europe as shocking and shortsighted.[INS: (this
doesn’t make sense – what do you wish to say here?) :INS] [DEL: :DEL]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:             :DEL] This article was a short reminder of [INS: the :INS] reliability of [INS:
the :INS] Ukraine and Belarus as[INS: :INS] [DEL:  a :DEL] transit countries for energy
commodities. Not suprisingly, demonized Russia chooses to break away from transit countries in
general by building expensive undersea pipelines, where problematic transit states are no longer an
issue.


Koďousková, H., Kuchyňková A., Leschenko, A. a Jirušek, M. 2014. Energetická bezpečnost asijských
zemí a Ruské federace. Brno: MUNI Press.

Pirani, S., Stern, J. a Yafimava, K. 2009. The Russo-Ukrainian gas dispute of January 2009: a
comprehensive assesment. Oxford: Oxford Institute for Energy Studies.

Yafimava, K. 2010. The June 2010 Russian-Belarusian Gas Tranzit Dispute: a suprise that was to be
expected. Oxford: Oxford Institute for Energy Studies.[INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Comments: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Check your spelling of English words using a dictionary. :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Revise your use of articles – especially the definite article ‘the’. :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: You need to study the :INS] [INS: different verb tenses in English and :INS] [INS: how they
are used :INS] [INS: – :INS] [INS: your :INS] [INS: verb tenses are all over the place and you use
the present when you should be using the past, i.e. if an event happened in 2006 or 2009 this is
the past and you can :INS] [INS: ’t use the present tense. :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: The correct pronoun for objects is ‘it’ and not his/her – these are used for people or
animals if you know the gender of the animal. :INS] [INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Use of punctuation in English :INS] [DEL: :DEL]

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:   :DEL]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Also, make sure you don’t use a translation tool to translate chunks of text – these tools
are seldom accurate. :INS] [DEL: :DEL]

[INS:   :INS]

2. Main institutions of the European Union


I study Sociology and European studies at Masaryk University. I would like to present [INS: the
:INS] seven main institutions of the European Union. I did not choose [INS: the :INS] topic of
sociology, because it could be difficult to explain some sociological theories. The Czech Republic
has been the EU (I will use this shortcut) member since 1 May 2004 and this organization forms
economy or social life. Knowledges about the EU

could be helpful to imagine position of the Czech Republic in Europe and relationship with the
EU.[INS: This paragraph is not in the correct order – group like sentences/ideas together :INS]
[INS: – for example as follows: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: I am a student of Sociology and European Studies at Masaryk University and would like to
introduce :INS] [INS: the seven main institutions of the European Union.  The Czech Republic has
been an EU member since 1^st May 2004.  A knowledge of the EU enables us to understand the position
of the Czech Repu :INS] [INS: b :INS] [INS: lic within Europe and its relationship with the EU as a
whole, and how the organ :INS] [INS: i :INS] [INS: sation :INS] [INS: influences economic and
social life within the Czech Republic. :INS] [INS: :INS] [INS: :INS]


[INS: The :INS] European Commission[INS: :INS]


The European Commission is one of the main institutions of the EU. [INS: The :INS] Commission
prepar[INS: e :INS] s suggestions [INS: for :INS] [DEL: of the :DEL] new European law  and [INS:
decides how :INS] [DEL: spends :DEL] EU funds[INS: should be spent :INS] . The Commission is based
in Brussels and Luxembourg and has offices in every EU country[INS: , as well as :INS] [DEL: and
:DEL] delegations in capital cities around the world, [INS: including :INS] [DEL: also :DEL] [DEL:
in :DEL] Argentina (http://eeas.europa.eu/). [INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: The :INS] Commission [DEL: is :DEL] consi[INS: s :INS] ts of 28 [INS: c :INS] [DEL: C :DEL]
ommissioners, one from each EU country[INS: and :INS] [DEL: . :DEL] [INS: e :INS] [DEL: E :DEL] ach
[INS: one :INS] [DEL: of them :DEL] has[INS: a :INS] specific policy area, which is assigned[INS:
to them :INS] by the President of the Commission. Their political t[INS: erm :INS] [DEL: he :DEL]
[DEL: r :DEL] [DEL: m :DEL] is five years[INS: and t :INS] [DEL: . T :DEL] he current President of
the European Commission[INS: , :INS] [DEL:  is :DEL] José Manuel Barroso[INS: , :INS] [DEL:  who
:DEL] began his second term of office in February 2010.

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: The main p :INS] [DEL: P :DEL] urpose[INS: s :INS] of the commission are[INS: as follows
:INS] : proposing new laws to Parliament and Council[INS: ; :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] managing the
EU[DEL: ´s :DEL] budget and allocating funding[INS: ; :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] enforcing [DEL: the :DEL]
EU law[INS: ; :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] representing the EU internationally. [INS: The :INS] Commission
is c[INS: onsidered :INS] [DEL: alled :DEL] as [INS: the :INS] engine of the union (Fiala 2003,
249).


[INS: The :INS] European Council[INS: :INS]


The European Council meetings are essentially summits where EU leaders meet to decide on broad
political priorities and major initiatives. [DEL: Typically, there are around four meetings a year,
chaired by a permanent president. :DEL] [DEL: I would like to explain who is :DEL] EU leaders[INS:
are :INS] [DEL: . Very :DEL] often [INS: the :INS] [DEL: it is :DEL] [INS: P :INS] [DEL: p :DEL]
rime [INS: M :INS] [DEL: m :DEL] inister of the[INS: member :INS] state[INS: s :INS] [INS: :INS]
[INS: b :INS] [INS: ut can also :INS] [INS: chair meetings, as is the case in France :INS] [INS: ,
:INS] [INS: though :INS] [INS: meetings are :INS] [INS: usually :INS] [INS: chaired by a permanent
president.  :INS] [INS: Typically, :INS] [INS: there are :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] [INS: around four
meetings a year, chaired by a permanent president. :INS] [DEL: but leader of the meetings can be
president, like in case of France :DEL] . The Commission President and the European Council
President are [INS: also :INS] [DEL: next :DEL] members of the summit. [INS: The c :INS] [DEL: C
:DEL] urrent[DEL: ly :DEL] European Council President is Herman Van Rompuy[INS: and the :INS] [DEL:
. :DEL] [INS: s :INS] [DEL: S :DEL] eat of the European Council is in [INS: situated in :INS]
Brussels.


Council of the European Union[INS: :INS]


[INS: The :INS] Council is based on an intergovernmental principle[INS: , and :INS] [DEL: . It
:DEL] i[INS: t’s purpose is to offer itself as the :INS] [DEL: s :DEL] place, where members of the
EU can defend their interests (Fiala 2003, 177). The Council [INS: does :INS] [DEL: has :DEL]
not[INS: have :INS] permanent members, [INS: but :INS] each country sends [INS: its :INS] minister
for the policy field being discussed[INS: , for example, :INS] [DEL: . :DEL] [INS: i :INS] [DEL: I
:DEL] f the council [INS: is discussing :INS] [DEL: solves :DEL] agricultural [INS: issues :INS]
[DEL: problems :DEL] ,[INS: then :INS] [DEL: there will be :DEL] [INS: M :INS] [DEL: m :DEL]
inisters of [INS: A :INS] [DEL: the a :DEL] griculture[INS: would need to be present :INS] . This
meeting is called [INS: the :INS] [INS: ‘ :INS] [DEL: „ :DEL] Agriculture Council[INS: ’ :INS]
[DEL: “ :DEL] [INS: and :INS] [DEL: . Council :DEL] is[INS: also :INS] based in Brussels[INS: .
:INS] [DEL: too. :DEL] [INS: :INS]

Targets or tasks of the Council are [INS: as :INS] follow[INS: s :INS] [DEL: ing :DEL] :[INS: :INS]
[DEL:  the Council :DEL] approving EU laws[INS: ; :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] coordinating the broad
economic policies of EU member countries[INS: ; :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] signing agreements between the
EU and other countries[INS: ; :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] passing the annual EU budget[INS: ; :INS] [DEL: ,
:DEL] developing [DEL: the :DEL] EU[DEL: ´s :DEL] foreign and defence policies[INS: ; :INS] [DEL: ,
:DEL] focusing on the justice and police forces of member countries.


European Parliament[INS: :INS]


Members are elected to the European Parliament in direct elections[INS: and :INS] for a term of
five years. Direct elections is[INS: a :INS] t[DEL: h :DEL] erm [INS: that :INS] [DEL: which :DEL]
means [DEL: that you vote :DEL] members[INS: are voted for but :INS] [INS: :INS] [DEL: , you do
:DEL] not vote[INS: d :INS] [INS: for :INS] through intermediaries. The Parliament[INS: , along
:INS] with [INS: t :INS] [DEL: T :DEL] he Council[INS: , :INS] are[INS: the :INS] main law-making
institutions. The number of members for each country is roughly proportionate to its
population[INS: ; n :INS] [DEL: . N :DEL] o country can have fewer than 6 or more than 96[INS:
members, :INS] and the total number can not exceed 751 (750 plus the President). Members are
grouped by political affiliation, not by nationality. [INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

The parliament has three places of work in Brussels (Belgium), Luxembourg (Luxembourg) and in
Strasbourg (France). [INS: The t :INS] [DEL: T :DEL] hree major tasks of [INS: the :INS] E[INS:
uropean :INS] P[INS: arliament :INS] are law-making, controlling EU institutions and their
democratic character, especially the Commission[INS: , :INS] and again[INS: , :INS] [INS: along
:INS] with the [DEL: Council :DEL] [INS: Council, :INS] debating and adopting [INS: the :INS]
budget of the EU (Fiala 2003, 299).


[INS: The :INS] Court of Justice of the European Union[INS: :INS]


The Court of Justice interprets EU law to make sure it is applied in the same way in all EU
countries. The Court of Justice has one judge per EU country. The Court is composed of judges and
nine advocates-general then from a General Court and form[INS: s :INS] the EU Civil Service
Tribunal. Individuals, companies or organisations can also send cases before the Court. [INS: The s
:INS] [DEL: S :DEL] eat of the Court is in Luxembourg.


[INS: The :INS] European Court of Auditors[INS: :INS]


The European Court of Auditors audits EU finances. This court is independent[DEL: too :DEL] , but
has to cooperate with the other[DEL: s :DEL] institutions. [INS: The p :INS] [DEL: P :DEL] urpose
of the European Court of Auditors is to improve EU financial management and report on the use of
public funds. The seat of the court is in Luxembourg.


[INS: The :INS] European Central Bank[INS: :INS]


The most independe[INS: n :INS] t institution (ECB) is based in Frankfurt (Germany). The bank
cooperates with all central banks in [INS: the :INS] 28[INS: member :INS] states. [INS: The :INS]
ECB helps [INS: to :INS] [DEL: with :DEL] keep inflation under control, especially in [DEL: the
:DEL] countries that use the [INS: E :INS] [DEL: e :DEL] uro. The [INS: E :INS] [DEL: e :DEL] uro
is[INS: a :INS] common currency[INS: and :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] most[DEL: of :DEL] countries use
this[DEL: money :DEL] [INS: ; :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] the Czech Republic [INS: does not, as :INS] [DEL:
not :DEL] yet[INS: , use the Euro :INS] . The Eurozone consi[INS: s :INS] ts of all countries[DEL:
, :DEL] which have adopted the [INS: E :INS] [DEL: e :DEL] uro. T[DEL: he :DEL] [DEL: Eurozone - t
:DEL] he area where the euro is used[INS: is known as the Eurozone :INS] . [INS: The :INS] ECB also
keeps the financial system table and allows central banks in [INS: the E :INS] [DEL: e :DEL]
urozone[DEL: countries :DEL] to issue [INS: E :INS] [DEL: e :DEL] uro banknotes.

[DEL:   :DEL]

[DEL: C :DEL] [DEL: onclusion :DEL]

[INS: To conclude, :INS] [DEL: Now I would like to summary the text. :DEL] [INS: t :INS] [DEL: T
:DEL] he EU´s broad priorities are set by the European Council[INS: ; :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] members
in the European Parliament represent European citiziens[INS: ; :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] targets of the
EU as a whole are promoted by the European Commission[INS: and :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] national
interests are promoted by [DEL: the :DEL] governments in the Council of the European Union. [INS:
:INS]

[INS:   :INS]

The Court of Justice of the EU and the European Court of Auditors are inspectors of the EU. The
European Central Bank take care [INS: of the :INS] [DEL: about :DEL] currency (the euro).

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: T :INS] [DEL: I wanted introduce the main institutions of the EU, but t :DEL] he EU has many
other[INS: aspects, such as :INS] [DEL: s :DEL] [INS:   :INS] [DEL: lik :DEL] [DEL: e :DEL] the
Committee of the Regions or the European Ombudsman. [INS: T :INS] [DEL: How you can see system of t
:DEL] he EU is [INS: a :INS] very complicated[INS: system :INS] and most of the population do not
understand this organization. Maybe for this aspect our population is so pesimistic and negative in
the EU´s tasks[INS: ? – not sure what you want to say here) :INS] .


Fiala, Petr. Evropská unie. 1. vyd. Brno: Centrum pro studium demokracie a kultury, 2003.


Europa. http://eeas.europa.eu/ (accessed October 20, 2014).[INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Revise your use of the definite article – it’s a little in consistent – there are times when
you need to use it and times when you don’t. :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Some of :INS] [INS: your sentences are too informal for an academic text, for example, you
don’t need to say what you wanted to do – this is irrelevant.  It might be better to just state
what you want to state and ignore what you don’t. :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Check your spelling using an English dictionary :INS] [INS: – :INS] [INS: I :INS] [INS: ’ve
corrected some, but you need to check others. :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Make sure you check over you text as sometimes what you are writing is confused :INS] [INS: .
:INS] [INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Use of punctuation in English :INS] [INS:
:INS]

3. Albanian organized crime


[INS: A :INS] Definition of [INS: O :INS] [DEL: o :DEL] rganized [INS: C :INS] [DEL: c :DEL] rime

      [INS: :INS]

The issue of organized crime touches countless [DEL: of :DEL] states and crosses the boundaries of
these states. Organized crime is[DEL: in it is the definitive :DEL] [INS: :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] hard
to comprehend of because of its nature, because in many cases it is not based on [DEL: the :DEL]
so-called [INS: ‘ :INS] [DEL: – „ :DEL] hard data[DEL: “ :DEL] [INS: ’ :INS] , which is determined
by several key factors: [INS: :INS]

a)[DEL: :DEL]

research capabilities[INS: ; :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] b) tracing empirically substantiated facts[INS: ;
:INS] [DEL: , :DEL] c) [INS: the :INS] disclosure of documents of institutions which fight against
organized crime – these documents are mostly secret and their subsequent meaningful value may be
obsolete (Šmíd 2008).[INS: :INS]


One of the most common definitions[INS: of organised crime, :INS] used in Czech academic
environment[INS: , :INS] is the concept of J. O.  Finckenauer. He described [DEL: the :DEL] eight
attributes that must be present in order to talk about organized crime:

1) Ideology - in terms of its absence. [INS: O :INS] [DEL: In the o :DEL] rganized crime do[INS: es
:INS] not present political ideology. Politics is seen only as a tool, which is used to achieve
goals.

2) Structure / organized hierarchy - everyone has [INS: their :INS] [DEL: its :DEL] place. Few
members [INS: reach :INS] [DEL: gets :DEL] [DEL: to a :DEL] real decision making and in many cases
the members do not know each other.

3) Continuity - the group does not end with the death of the leading members, which are replaced if
needed.

4) Violence / use of force or threat of force - the instrument by which it is possible to implement
many different goals. Its use is not limited to competition only, but also[INS: , :INS] [DEL:  it
:DEL] is used to deal with traitors and borrowers. Some groups use it against security structures
or politicians who refuse to cooperate.

5) Reduced membership - or its exclusivity, which is one of the most common criteria - ethnicity,
kinship, previous criminal activity, religion and more.

6) [INS: I :INS] [DEL: The i :DEL] llegal business - the basic attribute of organized crime
includes profit and to accumulate is[INS: (?) :INS] organized criminal groups use several of the
most common illegal business activities: narcotics trafficking, human trafficking, arms and
explosives, trades financial crime, violent crime, cybercrime, counterfeiting, racketeering ([DEL:
The :DEL] financial blackmail in order for fictitious protection), corruption and maritime piracy.
It is a tempting replacement (in many cases unattainable) of products or services, to the market,
where [INS: there :INS] is no competition.

7) Penetration into the legal economy - for organized criminal groups,[INS: :INS] [DEL:  this group
:DEL] one of the benefits is to go into the legal economy due to easier concealment of illegal
activities, but still carries out organized crime practices.

8) Corruption - is one of the investments that are shaping the future of organized criminal groups.
They provide a protection and at the same time, it is one of the tools that can undermine the
functioning of the state (Fickneauer 2005).


Albanian [INS: O :INS] [DEL: o :DEL] rganized [INS: C :INS] [DEL: c :DEL] rime

     [INS: :INS]

In the Albanian environment (Albania, Kosovo, Macedonia) bloodline is a prerequisite for entry into
an organized criminal group (it's all fixed language). The discussion about Albanian organized
crime is very often associated with the concept of mafia[INS: . :INS] [DEL:  ( :DEL] Mafia develops
where the government can not or will not apply its monopoly on violence (where the state apparatus
is so weak that the Mafia takes over the functions of state (Sicily[DEL: case :DEL] ). They are
taking [INS: on :INS] the [INS: function of :INS] protection[DEL: function :DEL] , give work and
resolves disputes[DEL: ) :DEL] - a term we can take in [INS: the :INS] Albanian environment as an
umbrella concept, because members do not belong to a single organization, but their unity is
related to language, culture and social structures [INS: which :INS] [DEL: that :DEL] help[DEL: s
:DEL] to protect and them [DEL: to :DEL] [INS: maintain :INS] [DEL: keep :DEL] internal
cohesion[INS: . :INS] [DEL:  ( :DEL] In 2005, the Albanian government issued a statement in which
showed the failure of control of over 25% of its territory. This area is managed by the Albanian
clan structures and local mafia[DEL: ) :DEL] . Albanian organized crime is mainly based on family
clans (Albanian - fis), which mostly differ in internal organization, but they retained four main
principles, which are essential for their functioning and are substantial for Albanian culture as a
whole.

1) Code (kartun) - especially hono[INS: u :INS] r murders.

2) Secret (bessa) - loyalty is confirmed by silence in favo[INS: u :INS] r of the clan and with
dignified and solemn word.

3) The territory (territoriality) – controlling pinpointed locations.

4) Physical violence - not only numerous violent conflicts between clans.

[INS:   :INS]

Violence in Albanian organized crime is characterized by great  brutality (McCarthy, 2011).


Albanian [INS: O :INS] [DEL: o :DEL] rganized [INS: C :INS] [DEL: c :DEL] rime in Czech Republic

[INS:   :INS]

Albanian criminal groups in [INS: the :INS] Czech Republic belong[DEL: s :DEL] among one of the
most active groups, which are mostly based on ethnicity, and their relationship to the homeland is
very close. In our country, we have groups moving mainly from Kosovo and Macedonia and rarely from
Albania.


Literature:

Finckenauer, J. (2005): Problems of Definition: What is Organized Crime, Trends in Organized Crime,
Nr. 3, p. 62 – 83.

McCarthy, D. (2011): An Economic History of Organized Crime. A national and transnational approach.
London and New York: Routledge.

Šmíd, T. (2008): Teoretické vymezení organizovaného zločinu. In: Politologický časopis 3/2008, s.
270-296.

Němec, M. (2003): Mafie a zločinecké gangy. Praha: Eurounion.


[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Overall, good grasp of grammar but you might want to :INS] [INS: : :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS:  Revise the use of articles, especially the definite article ‘the’ :INS] [INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Capitalise headings/ :INS] [INS: check :INS] [INS: :INS] [INS: spelling :INS] [INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Revise subject/verb agreement :INS] [DEL: :DEL]

[INS:   :INS]


[INS:
:INS]

[INS:   :INS]

5. Russian language with orientation on commercial practice, services and travel[INS: . :INS]


This kind of field is provided by [INS: the :INS] Faculty of [INS: A :INS] [DEL: a :DEL] rts [INS:
at :INS] [DEL: in Brno ( :DEL] Masaryk university[INS: in Brno :INS] [DEL: ) :DEL] . Generally[INS:
, :INS] students are expected to study [INS: for :INS] three years[INS: and, :INS] [INS: after
defending their work and passing state exams, they :INS] [INS: :INS] [DEL: . :DEL] [DEL: They :DEL]
finish with [INS: a :INS] [DEL: the :DEL] [INS: B :INS] [DEL: b :DEL] achelor’s degree[INS: . :INS]
[DEL: after defending their final work and passing state exams. :DEL] Courses are divided into
three parts – Russian language, [INS: L :INS] [DEL: l :DEL] aw and [INS: E :INS] [DEL: e :DEL]
conomy[INS: and :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] common/optional courses[INS: (such as?) :INS] . Students must
fulfil their study schedule[INS: in order to achieve :INS] [DEL: :DEL] [DEL: to :DEL] [INS: :INS]
[DEL:  get :DEL] the[INS: ir :INS] [INS: B :INS] [DEL: b :DEL] achelor’s degree[INS: , and :INS]
[DEL: . :DEL] [INS: i :INS] [DEL: I :DEL] t is necessary to obtain 180 credits during three
years[INS: .  As :INS] [DEL: , but :DEL] compulsory courses don’t provide all credits, [DEL: so
:DEL] optional courses are also required.

[INS:   :INS]

The first group of courses[INS: , which in this case are :INS] [DEL:  ( :DEL] compulsory[INS: , are
:INS] [DEL:  in this case) is :DEL] focused on [INS: the R :INS] [DEL: r :DEL] ussian language.
Students improve their skills [INS: of :INS] [DEL: – :DEL] writing, speaking[INS: and :INS] [DEL: ,
:DEL] listening[INS: , and :INS] [DEL: . :DEL] [INS: s :INS] [DEL: S :DEL] ome courses[INS: also
:INS] emphasize essential points of grammar, phonetics, structure of sentences or translating.
Exceptions are explained and demonstrated [INS: so that they can :INS] [DEL: to :DEL] be easily
understood. At the beginning of [INS: their :INS] stud[INS: ies, :INS] [DEL: y :DEL] students are
considered[INS: :INS] [DEL:   :DEL] to be able to use [INS: the C :INS] [DEL: c :DEL] yrillic
alphabet (reading and writing letters). Russian language also means information among history,
literature, culture, habits, customs and tradition, which are usually included in various texts. So
language isn’t simpl[INS: y :INS] [DEL: e :DEL] about improving skills and learning, but [INS: also
:INS] about exploring the roots of the nature[INS: (of the language?) :INS] too.[INS: :INS]


[DEL:             :DEL] The second part contains the main information about the theory of law,
commercial law, economy, psychology and sociology. The theory of law is mostly presented as a
compilation of important facts, but not in[INS: - :INS] [DEL: a :DEL] de[DEL: e :DEL] p[INS: th
:INS] [DEL: scale :DEL] . Information about functions of corporations in [INS: the :INS] Czech
environment is included [INS: in :INS] [DEL: at :DEL] courses o[INS: n :INS] [DEL: f :DEL]
commercial law. Economy introduces basic issues [INS: in :INS] [DEL: of :DEL] its field. In both
cases (economy and law) students are taught how to think in the right way [INS: in order :INS] to
critically evaluate theories or examples of everyday reality. It is also necessary to know[DEL: ,
:DEL] how handle [DEL: with :DEL] people[INS: , which is why :INS] [DEL: . For this case :DEL]
courses [INS: in :INS] [DEL: of :DEL] psychology and soci[INS: o :INS] [DEL: a :DEL] logy
exist[INS: , because of the fact students are expected to work mainly with people, :INS] [DEL: .
:DEL] [INS: t :INS] [DEL: T :DEL] hey help to put a human perspective into the field[INS: . :INS]
[DEL: , because of the fact students are expected to work mainly with people. :DEL] Of course[INS:
, :INS] the [INS: F :INS] [DEL: f :DEL] aculty of [INS: A :INS] [DEL: a :DEL] rts offer[INS: s
:INS] more courses, but they incorporate points of law, economy or psychology.[INS: :INS]


[DEL:             :DEL] The last category I can divide into two smaller groups – common compulsory
courses and optional courses. Common compulsory courses must [INS: be :INS] [DEL: have been :DEL]
passed. These courses are composed of the physical education, philosophy and foreign language. The
rule for choosing courses of foreign language is simple[INS: , i :INS] [DEL: . I :DEL] f you study
a Slavonic language, you will [INS: not be permitted :INS] [DEL: be forbidden :DEL] to pass the
exam from the same branch of language. Commonly the courses of English or German are registered.
Optional courses are spread through[INS: ou :INS] t the whole university, which means, you can pick
up a topic you want to learn something new about. It is better to register a course closer to your
field to make sure you are able to [INS: complete :INS] [DEL: end :DEL] it. On the other hand[INS:
, :INS] if you are confident or have a general range of knowledge, you will [INS: benefit :INS]
[DEL: profit :DEL] from courses out of your branch of study. However it is appropriate firstly to
fulfil the requirements of compulsory courses and afterwards to turn your attention towards [DEL:
to :DEL] optional courses.[INS: :INS]


[DEL:             :DEL] After completion of all requirements in the study schedule, students are
able to seek out a job[DEL: position :DEL] . Despite the fact[DEL: , :DEL] that usually five years
of study are required, in this case students are well prepared in [INS: a :INS] practical way[INS:
, so they can :INS] [DEL: . They will :DEL] work in companies, offices[INS: and :INS] [DEL: , :DEL]
travel agencies[INS: , for example :INS] . Communication should be going on in Russian language and
important tasks too[DEL: . :DEL] [DEL: :DEL] [INS: . :INS] [INS: (? this sentence needs
clarification – what are important tasks?) :INS] But if students want to [DEL: make a :DEL]
progress [INS: in :INS] [DEL: of :DEL] their range of knowledge, they will take a place in [INS:
the :INS] field to obtain the master’s degree. The branch of translating or [INS: ph :INS] [DEL: f
:DEL] ilology is offered, however students have to co[INS: nsider the :INS] [DEL: unt with a :DEL]
fact[INS: that :INS] , these degree[INS: s :INS] [DEL: is :DEL] [DEL: :DEL] focus[DEL: ed :DEL] on
theoretical issues[INS: , and so :INS] [DEL: . :DEL] [INS: i :INS] [DEL: I :DEL] t is necessary to
decide, what is more i[INS: m :INS] [DEL: n :DEL] portant – the opportunity to get a job[DEL:
position :DEL] or to continue in stud[INS: y :INS] ing?

[INS:   :INS]

In my short text I attempt to sum up the most important facts about studying the field [INS: of
:INS] [DEL: which is called „ :DEL] Russian language with orientation on commercial practice, [DEL:
  :DEL] services and travel[DEL: “ :DEL] . During three years students have to obtain 180 credits
and successfully pass all exams of compulsory courses,  defend the final work and deal with state
exams. Courses are d[INS: i :INS] [DEL: e :DEL] vided into three parts – Russian language, law and
economy, common/optional courses. After finishing studies students can get a job position or
continue in master’s degree.[INS:   (A summary should consider the text but not repeat what is
already stated in the text :INS] [INS: – :INS] [INS: this :INS] [INS: is unnecessary repetition – a
summary should tell us what all the above ‘means’ – in other words, it should be a short
analysis/the writer :INS] [INS: ’s opinion on the ‘facts’ presented, :INS] [INS: for example: to
conclude, undertaking any course of study in university requires students to commit :INS] [INS:
themselves :INS] [INS: :INS] [INS: to it :INS] [INS: for a considerable length of time :INS] [INS:
and be prepared to work hard and in several fields, similar :INS] [INS: or different :INS] [INS:
:INS] [INS: to the core subject, in order to achieve their desired degree :INS] [INS: . :INS] [INS:
:INS] [INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Grammar/language points: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Articles :INS]

[INS: Subject/verb agreement :INS]

[INS: Check your use of punctuation – commas, full stops, capitals :INS] [INS: …. :INS]

[INS: Prepositions – you would benefit from studying :INS] [INS: how these are used :INS]

[INS: Spelling – use a dictionary to check that you’ve spelt words correctly, don’t rely on the
computer’s spellcheck :INS]

[INS:   :INS]
[INS:
:INS]



6. Issue Ownership as a fundamental concept for being successful in politics (?)


[INS: There is no doubt that p :INS] [DEL: First of all what we can say about p :DEL] olitics [DEL:
is that it :DEL] has changed[INS: considerably :INS] [INS: over :INS] [DEL: in :DEL] the last
century. Politics cannot be characteris[DEL: tit :DEL] ed as same [INS: way :INS] [DEL: any more
:DEL] as [INS: it was at :INS] [DEL: in :DEL] the end of [INS: the :INS] 19th century. The most
important factor [INS: in :INS] [DEL: of :DEL] this [INS: political :INS] evolution[INS: , :INS]
has been [INS: the :INS] expansion[INS: , in the 20^th century, :INS] of [INS: the :INS] right to
vote[INS: w :INS] [DEL: W :DEL] ith[INS: :INS] [DEL: in 20th century ( :DEL] both world wars [INS:
contributing to this :INS] [DEL: meant :DEL] important shift[DEL: ) :DEL] . Politics [INS: has
:INS] lost its exclusivity and [INS: has :INS] bec[INS: o :INS] [DEL: a :DEL] me [DEL:   :DEL]
accessible [INS: to a[DEL: f :DEL] the :INS] [DEL: or huge :DEL] majority of [INS: people in
today’s :INS] [DEL: the :DEL] society[INS: , :INS] and it[INS: has :INS] also led to [INS: a :INS]
change [INS: in :INS] [DEL: of :DEL] the character between political parties (party as an actor in
the system, all parties competing for mandates) and voters. Typical links between these two
gradually evaporated and volatility[INS: :INS] [DEL: :DEL]

(fluctuation of voter´s support for party in consecutive election) showed to be typical for modern
political era and there is spotted the importance of the concept of issue ownership.[INS: (this
underlined sentence is confused and it is very difficult to try and decipher what you wish to
express here :INS] [INS: – :INS] [INS: re- :INS] [INS: think.) :INS] [INS: :INS]


[DEL:             :DEL] Constituency acts more passively in [INS: the :INS] political sphere and
because of it[INS: s :INS] political parties or individual candidates[INS: , :INS] has started
using [INS: topical :INS] issues which[INS: are :INS] [DEL: are nowadays the :DEL] key to success
in election. (Eibl 2007: 152) There is [DEL: a :DEL] [DEL: :DEL] competition for issue ownership
among parties because of strategic advantage.  We can say that issue ownership represents [INS: a
:INS] fundamental precondition to be[INS: ing :INS] successful and moreover[INS: , :INS] it is
[INS: a :INS] matter of reputation in [INS: the :INS] political arena. (Walgrave,  De Swert 2007:
37)

            [INS: :INS]

The bas[INS: is :INS] [DEL: e :DEL] of issue ownership is [INS: the :INS] capability of voters to
identify [INS: a :INS] political party owing to [INS: which :INS] issues[INS: the :INS] [DEL:
which :DEL] party uses in[INS: :INS] [DEL:  the :DEL] election campaigns. When the party [INS:
states :INS] [DEL: do :DEL] that it [INS: ‘ :INS] [DEL: “ :DEL] owns[INS: ’ :INS] [DEL: ” :DEL] the
issue, [DEL: the :DEL] [INS: this :INS] [DEL: pro :DEL] [DEL: blem for the :DEL] [DEL: part :DEL]
[DEL: y also :DEL] raises [DEL: from the :DEL] two facts: 1. [INS: The :INS] party must persuade
[DEL: the :DEL] voters that the issue emphasized is really important. It is [INS: a :INS] [DEL: the
:DEL] strategic moment for the party, without the importance of the issue (so-called issue
salience) issue ownership is decreased (as soon as voters do not understand the issue as
significant they will not vote for it so [INS: the :INS] party´s result will mean disappointment),
(Bélanger a Meguid 2008:[DEL: :DEL]

4-6) [INS: :INS]

2. [INS: The :INS] party has to be known as a subject capable [INS: of :INS] [DEL: to :DEL]
handl[INS: ing :INS] [DEL: e :DEL] the problem of the emphasized issue [INS: and :INS] unless
voters perceive the party [INS: as capable :INS] [DEL: like that :DEL] , they [INS: will :INS]
[DEL: are going to :DEL] vote for another party. Thus, we can talk about two levels of the issue
ownership: 1. [INS: P :INS] [DEL: p :DEL] arty level – with [INS: the :INS] aim to focus on its own
issues, on the problems which they can cope with [INS: and :INS] in [INS: an :INS] appropriate[DEL:
ly :DEL] way,[INS: and :INS] 2. [INS: I :INS] [DEL: i :DEL] ndividual level – the ability of voters
to evaluate [INS: the :INS] importance of[INS: :INS] [DEL:  the :DEL] issues and
simultaneously[INS: , :INS] the credibility of the party in the concrete case. (Walgrave, Lefevere,
Tresch 2014: 2-3)

            [INS: :INS]

For the party[INS: , :INS] [DEL:  are :DEL] the most crucial[INS: are the :INS] real owned
issues[INS: , :INS] because the[INS: se :INS] [DEL: y :DEL] should be in the party´s program during
the election, they are decisive for them in view by voters[INS: (Not sure what you mean here?)
:INS] . The problem of [DEL: the :DEL] modern politics is [INS: its :INS] chaotic arrangement – we
can distinguish plenty of actors, parties, candidates, ideologies. Voters can be confused, however
[DEL: the :DEL] issues help them to recognize the party, it works like a label[INS: and/or :INS]
[DEL: , :DEL] link and [INS: due :INS] [DEL: thanks :DEL] to th[INS: is, :INS] [DEL: em :DEL]
people can [INS: be :INS] more easily [DEL: be :DEL] orientated in the area of politic[INS: al
:INS] [DEL: s :DEL] competition. The confusion caused[INS: is :INS] also due to [INS: the :INS]
position of the parties – they appear more closely on [DEL: the :DEL] ideological axis (it is a
right[INS: / :INS] [DEL: – :DEL] left political spectrum usually delimited from fascism [DEL: –
:DEL] on the right[INS: and :INS] [DEL:  wing- to the :DEL] communism [DEL: - :DEL] on the
left[INS: . :INS] [DEL: one :DEL] ). (Walgrave, de Swert 2007: 39) The competition for issue
ownership [INS: is very high :INS] [DEL: has :DEL] [DEL: been even closer :DEL] and issues [INS:
become :INS] [DEL: turn into :DEL] more vari[INS: ed :INS] [DEL: able :DEL] and [DEL: they :DEL]
can change [INS: frequently :INS] [DEL: very often :DEL] (after short periods – f.[DEL: :DEL]
e.[INS: ( what does this f.e. stand for?) :INS] incumbent party –[INS: the :INS] party which
governs[INS: :INS] - loses in the election). The important fact for election competition and
for[INS: :INS] [DEL:  the :DEL] success in this competition[INS: , :INS] is to raise the
appropriate issue in the great[INS: (I don’t think great is the right word here) :INS] period of
time[INS: - :INS] [DEL: , it means :DEL] approximately one year before elections[INS: are due to
take place and :INS] when the competition [INS: starts to :INS] [DEL: goes :DEL] [DEL: to :DEL]
be[INS: come :INS] [INS: in :INS] tense. Moreover[INS: , :INS] [DEL: the :DEL] public interest
[INS: also :INS] [DEL: comes to :DEL] increase [INS: during this :INS] [DEL: in that :DEL] time.

            [INS: :INS]

The authors distinguish sources of this concept: 1. [INS: p :INS] [DEL: p :DEL] artisan
identification – [INS: this :INS] can serve [INS: as :INS] [DEL: like :DEL] a screen of perception,
the way [DEL: how :DEL] human beings understand the world[INS: ; :INS] 2. ownership on the
constituency base – this type is independent o[INS: f :INS] [DEL: n :DEL] [DEL: the :DEL] other
sources because of [INS: the :INS] typical link between[INS: :INS] [DEL:  some :DEL] political
part[INS: ies :INS] [DEL: y :DEL] and part[INS: s :INS] of [INS: the :INS] population[INS: , for
example, :INS] [DEL:  – :DEL] ethnic group, class[INS: ; :INS] 3. [INS: the :INS] attitude of
voters to concrete issue[INS: s :INS] – if the issue means a lot [INS: t :INS] [DEL: f :DEL] [INS:
o :INS] [DEL: or :DEL] [INS: the :INS] voter[INS: :INS] [DEL: , if does :DEL] there is [INS: a
:INS] high probability[INS: that the voter will :INS] [DEL: to :DEL] search[INS: for :INS] [INS:
the :INS] best party [INS: to deal with :INS] [DEL: with :DEL] this issue – voter[INS: s :INS] can
be influenced by ideology or subjectivism[INS: ; :INS] 4. evaluation of [INS: a :INS] party´s
performance – whether [INS: the :INS] party “did the job[INS: :INS] [DEL: ” :DEL] well[INS: ” :INS]
in the incumbent or not, the real force or ability of the party in the highlighted theme. (comp.
Petrocik 1996, Stubager, Slothuus 2012)

[INS:   :INS]

To conclu[INS: de, :INS] [DEL: sion :DEL] we can say that this concept[INS: (what concept? Clarify)
:INS] creates considerable part of politics mainly at the present times.[INS: (This doesn’t make
any sense, what are you trying ton express here?) :INS] The bas[INS: is :INS] [DEL: e :DEL] of
[INS: the :INS] mentioned concept lies in the [DEL: owned :DEL] issue[INS: owned :INS] by [INS: the
:INS] political party[INS: :INS] [DEL:   :DEL] with huge response among society. However the issue
itself [INS: is :INS] [DEL: would be :DEL] meaningless[INS: unless it is :INS] [DEL: , it must be
:DEL] endowed with salience for people – [INS: the :INS] voter will vote [INS: for :INS] the party
which [INS: is of :INS] [DEL: represents :DEL] some advantage [INS: to :INS] [DEL: for :DEL] him.
(Eibl 2007: 163) [INS: Beside this, the :INS] Party´s problem[INS: is :INS] [DEL:  is beside this
:DEL] to persuade [INS: its :INS] constituency that it is the right actor for handling it[INS:
(Handling what? Clarify.) :INS] . The concept shows which themes are emphasized or downplayed in
campaigns.



Used sources

Bélanger, Éric a Meguid, Bonnie M. 2008. „Issue salience, issue ownership, and issue-based vote
choice.“ Electoral studies 27, č. 3, 477-491.

Eibl, Otto. 2007. „Koncept tematického vlastnictví, palčivosti témat a agendy setting v
politologii.” Politologický časopis 2007, č. 2, 151-167.

Petrocik, John R. 1996. „Issue Ownership in Presidential Elections, with a 1980 Case Study.”
American Journal of Political Science 40, č. 3, 825-850.


Stubager, Rune a Slothuus, Rune. 2012. „What are the sources of Political Parties´ Issue Ownership?
Testing Four Explanations at the Individual Level.” Springer Science+Business Media 2013, č. 35,
567-588.

Walgrave, Stefaan a De Swert, Knut. 2007. „Where Does Issue Ownership Come From? From the Party or
from the Media? Issue – party Identifications in Belgium, 1991-2005.“ The Harvard International
Journal of Press/Politics 2007, č. 12, 37-67.

Walgrave, Stefaan a Lefevere, Jonas a Tresch, Anke. 2014. „The Limits of Issue Ownership Dynamics:
The Constraining Effect of Party Preference.“ Journal of Election 24, č. 1, 1-19.[INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: You need to revise your use of articles – this is a weak point and makes the text unreadable
and confusing in places. :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Make s :INS] [INS: ure you are using vocabulary in the correct context – check words before
you use them. :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Your word order needs revising in some areas – it is confused. :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Your use of prepositions is weak :INS] [INS: – you might benefit from studying how these are
used. :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Punctuation in English – have a look at how English language is punctuated. :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: For the best part, most ideas are linked and coherent, but there are some places where this
isn :INS] [INS: ’t the case, so you need to make sure that your writing has logical progression and
that one idea links seamlessly to another. :INS] [INS:
:INS]


7. T[INS: o :INS] urism from the Czech Republic to Eastern  Europe


Introduction


In this essay we[INS: (We? There is only one per :INS] [INS: son writing this essay so you need to
use ‘I’ :INS] [INS: ) :INS] will deal with a holiday offer[INS: to Eastern Europe, :INS] [INS: by
:INS] [DEL: of :DEL] Czech travel agencies[DEL: to Eastern Europe :DEL] . The point of the essay is
to highlight [INS: the :INS] possibilities of [INS: developing :INS] tourism[INS: :INS] [DEL:
development :DEL] in Eastern Europe[INS: and t :INS] [DEL: . T :DEL] he reasons why people should
visit it[INS: (visit what? Clarify) :INS] [INS: , for example, its :INS] [DEL:  is its :DEL]
untouched nature, unique culture[INS: and :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] [DEL: typical :DEL] architecture.
[INS: Further, this essay will look at why, :INS] [DEL: However, :DEL] despit[INS: e :INS] [DEL: a
lot of :DEL] [INS: the :INS] beaut[INS: y :INS] [DEL: ies :DEL] that these countries offer, [DEL:
:DEL] th[INS: e :INS] [DEL: a :DEL] y are not popular tourist destinations[INS: and why :INS] [DEL:
. :DEL] [INS: it :INS] [DEL: The fact :DEL] is that people [INS: frequently :INS] [INS: prefer to
:INS] go [DEL: more frequently :DEL] to hot countries with beaches [INS: for their holidays :INS]
[DEL: than to Eastern countries :DEL] .[INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

One of the reason[INS: s that :INS] [DEL: why :DEL] Czech people do not visit this region[INS:
(what region? Clarify) :INS] is its historical relationship between the Czech Republic (former
Czechoslovakia) and Russia and [INS: the :INS] former SSSR countries. [INS: The :INS] Warsaw pact
troops under the direction of Soviet Union (SSSR) occupied Czechoslovakia from 1968 to 1991. [INS:
(This sentence doesn’t make any sense and it’s difficult to decipher what you wish to express.)
:INS] In this era there was  a non-demo[INS: c :INS] [DEL: t :DEL] ratic regime and a lot of people
died in the time of [INS: this :INS] occupation[INS: , and o :INS] [DEL: . O :DEL] pponents [INS:
to :INS] [DEL: o :DEL] [DEL: f :DEL] the regime were strictly punished. Nobody was allowed to leave
the country without [DEL: an :DEL] approval from [DEL: „ :DEL] the state[DEL: “ :DEL] . It [INS:
was :INS] a difficult time for Czechoslovakia.


[INS: The c :INS] [DEL: C :DEL] urrent situation in Eastern Europe

[DEL:   :DEL]

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL: Russia :DEL] [INS: Russia, along :INS] with the Ukraine are the biggest countries [INS: in
:INS] [DEL: of :DEL] Eastern Europe. The [INS: reason :INS] [DEL: problem :DEL] why Czech people do
not go to Eastern countries is [INS: to do with :INS] [DEL: also :DEL] the current complicated
situation[INS: , here I am :INS] [DEL: . :DEL] [DEL: We are :DEL] talking about the civil war in
the Ukraine and [INS: Russia’s :INS] [DEL: an „ :DEL] incomprehensible[INS: :INS] [DEL: “ Russia‘s
:DEL] attitude to this war. Riots started on 6[INS: th :INS] [DEL: of :DEL] April 2014 in [INS: the
:INS] Doňeck region. The struggle is between the Ukrainian armed forces and the pro-Russians rebels
backed by the Russian Federation. The peace conditions for Doněck and Luhansk[INS: , both :INS]
part of the Ukraine[INS: , :INS] were agreed on 1^[INS: st :INS] [INS: :INS] [DEL:  of :DEL]
September 2014.

 [INS: :INS]

[DEL:             :DEL] Another reason why Czech people do not go to Russia is [INS: the need for a
:INS] visa[DEL: obligation :DEL] . [INS: The need for a :INS] [DEL: The :DEL] visa[INS: :INS] [DEL:
 obligation :DEL] complicates and prolongs the organization of a trip. Another weak point is [INS:
the :INS] [DEL: a :DEL] high[DEL: er :DEL] price of a trip[INS: to this region :INS] . The cheapest
flight[INS: from Prague to Moscow and :INS] [INS: :INS] [DEL:  ticket :DEL] without [INS: having to
:INS] [DEL: any :DEL] change[INS: , :INS] [DEL: from Prague to Moscow :DEL] costs about [DEL: 353
:DEL] €[INS: 353 :INS] and [INS: a :INS] standard visa costs [INS: € :INS] 62 [DEL: € :DEL] and it
[INS: takes :INS] [DEL: lasts :DEL] ten days to get it.


Types of [INS: T :INS] [DEL: t :DEL] ourism

[DEL:   :DEL]

[INS:   :INS]

In the thi[INS: s :INS] [DEL: rd parth :DEL] [INS: part, I :INS] [DEL: we :DEL] will [INS: explain
:INS] [DEL: show :DEL] types of tourism which [DEL: we :DEL] can[INS: be :INS] experience[INS: d
when travelling to :INS] [DEL: in :DEL] Eastern countries. Based on the offer of two travel
agencies[INS: , I :INS] [DEL: we :DEL] will [INS: illustrate :INS] [DEL: show :DEL] the range of
holiday[INS: s :INS] available [INS: to :INS] [DEL: for :DEL] Czech tourists[INS: from :INS] [DEL:
, for example :DEL] travel agencies[INS: such as :INS] [DEL: „ :DEL] Invia[DEL: “ :DEL] and [DEL: „
:DEL] Kudrna[DEL: “ :DEL] . Invia is currently a very popular travel agency in the market[INS: as i
:INS] [DEL: . I :DEL] t offers a lot of [INS: high end :INS] [DEL: fancy :DEL] hotels[INS: , :INS]
mainly in Moscow and  St. Petersburg. In these big cities [INS: it is :INS] [DEL: we :DEL] [INS:
possible to :INS] [DEL: can :DEL] see many famous buildings and monuments, but we do not[INS:
always :INS] absorb the culture, because it is a metropolis for tourists and everything is very
[INS: ‘ :INS] touristy[INS: ’ :INS] [DEL: :DEL] .  However [DEL: „ :DEL] Kudrna[DEL: “ :DEL]
specializes in amazing long trips with guides such as trips to Baikal or [INS: to :INS] climb [INS:
M :INS] [DEL: of the m :DEL] ount[INS: :INS] [DEL: in :DEL] Elbrus.


Solutions for the future


[INS: This :INS] [DEL: In the fou :DEL] [DEL: rth :DEL] [INS: section :INS] [DEL: point we :DEL]
will [INS: look :INS] [DEL: speek :DEL] a[DEL: bou :DEL] t ideas for [INS: the :INS] future[INS:
and :INS] [DEL: . :DEL] [INS: h :INS] [DEL: H :DEL] ow to increase the demand for[INS: travel to
:INS] these countries[INS: . :INS] [DEL: ? :DEL] In my opinion[INS: , :INS] the most important is
promotion[DEL: :DEL] [INS: ; :INS] [DEL: . :DEL] Czech travel agencies do not promote Eastern
countries enough. When you see a billboard in the street [DEL: which :DEL] offer[INS: ing :INS]
[DEL: s :DEL] [DEL: a :DEL] trip[INS: s, :INS] what kind of trip is it? Most of billboards
advertise [DEL: western :DEL] sunny[INS: western :INS] countries like Spain, France[INS: or :INS]
[DEL: , :DEL] Greece[INS: , for example :INS] [DEL: etc :DEL] . I strongly believe that bette[DEL:
r :DEL] r promotion w[INS: ould :INS] [DEL: ill :DEL] [INS: result in a :INS] [DEL: caus  :DEL]
higher demand[INS: for vacations to Eastern Europe :INS] . It is a fact that[INS: :INS] [DEL:  an
:DEL] advertis[INS: e :INS] ment has an impact on [DEL: the :DEL] demand[INS: and it is rare :INS]
[DEL: . :DEL] [INS: to see :INS] [DEL: I do not see any :DEL] advertis[INS: e :INS] ments for
Russia or the Ukraine on any other website [INS: other :INS] than on [INS: an :INS] [DEL: the :DEL]
ag[INS: e :INS] [DEL: a :DEL] ncy’s website.

[INS:   :INS]

Another thing to[INS: :INS] [DEL:  be :DEL] consider[DEL: ed :DEL] is [INS: the :INS] expansion of
trip[DEL: s :DEL] offers. People should [INS: be able to :INS] experience real Russian culture. For
adventurers there should be some new amazing trips[INS: to bigger cities and :INS] [DEL:   :DEL]
not [INS: just :INS] [DEL: still :DEL] [DEL: boring :DEL] sightseeing[INS: , which can be boring
:INS] [DEL: to bigger cities :DEL] . When you want to experience Russian cultur[INS: e, :INS] [DEL:
here :DEL] you c[INS: ould :INS] [DEL: an :DEL] visit[INS: the :INS] [DEL:   :DEL] Babylon fest in
Brno[INS: , this :INS] [DEL: . Babylon fest :DEL]

is an e[INS: n :INS] counter of national minorities that live in the Czech Republic.

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: S :INS] [DEL: s :DEL] uggestion[INS: s :INS] [INS: for :INS] [DEL: of :DEL] adventure trips:

-           Rafting (Šua, Suna, Čirka-Kem, Ochta)

-           Hiking (Tchača, Altaj)

-           Caving (Krubera-Varoňa, Ordinska cave)

-           Diving   (Kamčatka, Bajkal, Ordinska cave)


Conclusion


To conclude[INS: , :INS] [INS: f :INS] [DEL: this essay I summarize a few important points which I
me :DEL] [DEL: ntion. F :DEL] irstly, [INS: I :INS] [DEL: we :DEL] [INS: discussed :INS] [DEL:
spoke :DEL] [DEL: about :DEL] history [DEL:   :DEL] and its influence on tourism. Demand [INS: for
:INS] [DEL: of :DEL] trips to Eastern Europe is low [INS: because of :INS] [DEL: which is caused by
:DEL] the occupation by these countries.[INS: (You need to clarify what you mean here – do you mean
that these countries are occupied forcefully by another or that these countries are forcefully
occupying others?) :INS] Another point is [DEL: the :DEL] poor offer[INS: s :INS] [INS: from :INS]
[DEL: of :DEL] travel agencies[INS: , who do not offer enough variety when it comes to :INS] [DEL:
 and still the same :DEL] places to visit. [DEL: In my work :DEL] I [INS: also :INS] suggested
interesting trips which [INS: c :INS] [DEL: w :DEL] ould be fascinating for adv[INS: e :INS] [DEL:
a :DEL] nture[INS: r :INS] s[INS: (which is important because?) :INS] . In terms of tourism I think
that Eastern Europe [INS: has a lot to :INS] [DEL: can :DEL] offer [INS: in terms of :INS] [DEL:
alot of :DEL] interesting places[INS: to visit :INS] and it is a pity that people do not want to
travel there [INS: as :INS] [DEL: so :DEL] much[INS: as they do to Spain or Italy, for ex :INS]
[INS: a :INS] [INS: mple :INS] .[INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Prepositions – this is a very weak area for you, you would benefit from study :INS] [INS: ing
:INS] [INS: how these are used :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Check your spelling with a dictionary – this will also enable to increase your use and
accuracy of vocabulary which is limited. :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Punctuation – revise its use in English :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Word order and the necessity to clarify points so that the reader is certain about what you
are referring to. :INS]

[INS:   :INS]
[INS:
:INS]



8. David Hume – Causality and Copy principle


In this essay I would like to focus on David Hume´s distinction of perception and his conception of
causality. David Hume is an important philosopher who has [INS: had a :INS] [DEL: got :DEL]
significant influence on the history of philosophy. He is also representative of British [INS: E
:INS] [DEL: e :DEL] mpiricism and [DEL: the :DEL] Enlightenment. He is known for his opinions about
causality and [DEL: he :DEL] stands [INS: at :INS] [DEL: on :DEL] the beginning of [DEL: the :DEL]
modern philosophy of causality.

[INS:   :INS]

Today, we consider causality as a relation between events – between [INS: an :INS] event which
constitutes causation and [INS: an :INS] [DEL: the :DEL] event which constitutes effect. In [INS:
the :INS] [DEL: a :DEL] past, there were many opinions and causality was not [INS: a :INS]
frequented theme. [INS: T :INS] [DEL: And t :DEL] oday we also have to deal with various
opinions[INS: and :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] so every philosopher interprets this definition differently.

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:             :DEL] [INS: E :INS] [DEL: The e :DEL] mpiricism is important for Hume´s concept
of causality. In empiricism[INS: , :INS] the only source of knowledge comes from our senses or from
our internal experiences. The internal experience is[INS: , :INS] for example[INS: , :INS] emotions
or internal states. There are no relations and objects [INS: from :INS] which we cannot deduce from
experience.

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:             :DEL] Before Hume [INS: tackles :INS] [DEL: starts :DEL] [DEL: with :DEL] the
problem of causality, he focuses on our perception. One of Hume´s important works is [INS: ‘ :INS]
An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding[INS: ’ :INS] . Here can be found a distinction of
perception of human consciousness[INS: , :INS] [DEL:  – :DEL] between impressions and ideas.
Impressions and ideas are mental sensations[INS: and :INS] [DEL: . :DEL] [INS: a :INS] [DEL: A
:DEL] relation between them [DEL: is concerned as :DEL] the first principle of Hume philosophy. In
creating ideas[INS: , :INS] Hume applies his copy principle[INS: . :INS] [DEL: ; :DEL] [INS: A
:INS] [DEL: a :DEL] ccording to this principle[INS: , :INS] the idea is a copy of the
impression[INS: - i :INS] [DEL: . :DEL] [DEL: I :DEL] deas come only from impressions; there is no
idea that would not have [INS: been :INS] [DEL: got :DEL] source[INS: d :INS] from impression.
Impressions can be caused by external objects which affect our senses, but they are also internal
states[INS: , :INS] [DEL:  ( :DEL] especially the emotions[INS: , :INS] [DEL:  – :DEL] e.g.
affect[INS: (?) :INS] , love[INS: , hate… :INS] [DEL: ) :DEL] .

[DEL:   :DEL]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: There are important difference :INS] [INS: b :INS] [DEL: B :DEL] etween idea and
impression[INS: ; the :INS] [DEL:  are important differences. :DEL] [INS: m :INS] [DEL: M :DEL] ain
distinction between these perceptions is their power and vibrancy. Ideas are less vivid, because
they only copy or imitate the impression. Impressions come from sensation, they are more vivacious
and they do not have a pattern, while ideas are only remembrance, reflection or recall of
impression. For example, a taste of a good meal is the impression, but a recollection of this event
is the idea. Therefore, it is easier to lose ideas. But because we experience impressions
directly[DEL: and actually :DEL] , we perceive them more vividly. There are also other differences.
Impressions [DEL: are first before :DEL] preced[INS: e :INS] [DEL: ing :DEL] ideas and generate
ideas and they are a model for them[INS: , :INS] [DEL:  ( :DEL] [INS: but :INS] [DEL: while :DEL]
impressions [INS: do not :INS] have [INS: a :INS] [DEL: not :DEL] pattern[DEL: ) :DEL] .

[INS:   :INS]

Ideas can connect together and create more complicated units[INS: ; t :INS] [DEL: . T :DEL] his
connection is based on three principles of connection among ideas: resemblance, contiguity
(relationship in time or place) and cause and effect. Here we can see that the causality is one of
these principles.

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:             :DEL] Hume asks where causality can be found. It is not a process of our mind and
we also cannot find it in subjects. We see only the causation and the effect, but causality itself
cannot be found. There is also an important question: How [INS: can :INS] we connect two events
when we do not know [INS: of :INS] any rule [INS: concerning :INS] how they follow each other? Hume
tries to find an idea of necessary connection; this idea has to have [INS: an :INS] appropriate
impression. He comes to [INS: the :INS] conclusion that[INS: , the :INS] idea of necessary
connection comes directly from internal impression and indirectly from permanent association of
objects.

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: There are two important considerations i :INS] [DEL: I :DEL] n Hume´s conception of
causality[DEL: are important two things :DEL] : events (causation and effect) must occur together
and they must be similar to some event which we experienced in the past[INS: ; f :INS] [DEL: . F
:DEL] or example, when we see [INS: a :INS] stone falling to the ground, we expect that other heavy
object[INS: s :INS] w[INS: ill :INS] [DEL: o :DEL] [DEL: uld :DEL] fall to the ground.

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:             :DEL] Hume claims that [DEL: the :DEL] causality is based on our belief and
habits which affect us [INS: in such a way as for us :INS] to expect the same future after the same
past. We know only the past event and the future event. We get accustomed [INS: to :INS] these two
events together and on the basis of this connection we assume that they follow each other in all
cases. [INS: A c :INS] [DEL: C :DEL] ertain event is followed by the same event, we [INS: develop
:INS] [INS: a :INS] [DEL: have :DEL] strong habit[INS: (not sure habit is the right word here)
:INS] about th[INS: e :INS] [DEL: i :DEL] s[INS: e :INS] events from [INS: the :INS] past and there
is no need expect a change.

            [INS: :INS]

Hume was one of the earliest [INS: to :INS] [DEL: who :DEL] deal[DEL: t :DEL] with the issue of
causality in detail. Although he questioned the causality, but it do[INS: es :INS] not mean he
tried to eliminate it in real life. He believed[INS: :INS] [DEL:   :DEL] as [INS: a :INS] [DEL: e
:DEL] n average person that[INS: , :INS] when we throw a stone it falls to the ground. The
distinction between ideas and impressions is not original and also not so influential. Hume[INS: ’s
:INS] philosophy is important because he brought lots of new ideas to a field that was not s[INS:
uch a :INS] [DEL: o :DEL] frequented theme[INS: .  H :INS] [DEL: – h :DEL] is biggest influence can
be seen in idea that causality is not necessary connection.


Literature:

NOVOTNÝ, Zdeněk. David Hume a jeho teorie vědění. Olomouc: Votobia, 1999, 213 p. ISBN
80-719-8366-7.

JASTRZEMBSKÁ, Zdeňka. Kauzální aspekty vysvětlení. 1. vyd. Brno: Masarykova univerzita, 2007, 87 s.
ISBN 978-802-1044-425.

HUME, David. Zkoumání o lidském rozumu. Vyd. v tomto překl. 1. Praha: Svoboda, 1996, 235 s. ISBN
80-205-0521-0.

[INS:   :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Overall this piece of work reads very well and is relatively accurate.  In order to improve
your written English you should consider the following: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Punctuation and how it’s used in English language :INS]

[INS: Prepositions :INS] [INS: – you need to revise the correct use of these :INS] [INS: :INS]

[INS: Developing more complex sentences, for the best part yours are quite simple :INS] [INS: :INS]

[INS: Use of vocabulary and attempting to extend your vocabulary, which is a little limited :INS]
[INS: :INS]

[INS: Word order :INS] [INS: – :INS] [INS: sometimes :INS] [INS: the order in  which you place
words in a sentence can make it ‘clumsy’ and difficult to read :INS]

[INS: Articles – a, an and the – you need to revise the correct use of these :INS] [INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]
[INS:
:INS]

[INS:   :INS]


9. Psychology of sport and its application


Introduction

[INS:   :INS]

I study psychology at the School of Social Studies at [DEL: the :DEL] Masaryk University in Brno,
Czech Republic. In my studies and a future job[INS: , :INS] I would like to focus on the [INS: P
:INS] [DEL: p :DEL] sychology of [INS: S :INS] [DEL: s :DEL] port[INS: ; t :INS] [DEL: . T :DEL]
hat is why I have chosen to introduce it to you. Firstly, I [INS: will :INS] present [INS: P :INS]
[DEL: p :DEL] sychology in general and then [DEL: I :DEL] specify [INS: P :INS] [DEL: p :DEL]
sychology of [INS: S :INS] [DEL: s :DEL] port. The main part of the essay includes a presentation
of a research from this field.


Psychology

[INS:   :INS]

Psychology as [INS: the :INS] [DEL: a :DEL] scien[INS: tific :INS] [DEL: ce :DEL] stud[INS: y of
:INS] [DEL: ies :DEL] human behaviour[INS: – their :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] mental processes and [DEL:
their :DEL] interactions. There are several basic types of psychology – cognitive psychology,
social psychology, developmental psychology and personality psychology (Nakonečný, 2013). They
differ in [DEL: a :DEL] perspective[INS: in the way :INS] they look [INS: at :INS] [DEL: on :DEL]
problems and in [INS: the :INS] [DEL: an :DEL] exact part of human li[INS: fe :INS] [DEL: ves :DEL]
they [DEL: are :DEL] focus[DEL: ed :DEL] on. Each of [INS: the :INS] mentioned types of psychology
includes different approaches [INS: – the :INS] [DEL: ( :DEL] ways we may interpret human behaviour
or certain mental processes[INS: , :INS] [DEL: ) :DEL] such as behaviourism, Gestalt psychology,
humanistic psychology of psychoanalysis (Nakonečný, 2013). All of th[INS: is :INS] [DEL: at :DEL]
shows that psychology is a complex science with various subfields which may view [INS: the :INS]
human mind [DEL: and acting :DEL] via various approaches.


Psychology of [INS: S :INS] [DEL: s :DEL] port

[INS:   :INS]

In [INS: the :INS] [DEL: a :DEL] context of sport, psychology applies psychological theories on
different kinds of sport. Every sport has its specifics[INS: , b :INS] [DEL: . B :DEL] ut these
specifics vary according to the discipline through which we look at the issue. Psychology of sport
studies[INS: , :INS] for example[INS: , :INS] personalities of sportsmen and their coaches, their

relationship, coaching itself, team dynamics, coping with a stress during a competition and the
like (Tod, Thatcher, & Rahman, 2012). [INS: A :INS] [DEL: I give you a :DEL] concrete example [INS:
is necessary in order to :INS] [DEL: to :DEL] understand it properly. [INS: Consider football, this
is :INS] [DEL: Football is :DEL] a team sport. From a layman´s perspective[INS: , :INS] it means
that there are 11 players in each team playing together against [INS: an :INS] other team. But a
sport psychologist sees 11 different personalities in different actual mood[INS: s :INS] and may
recognise various interactions between them mutually and between them and their coaches.


The [INS: C :INS] [DEL: c :DEL] oncrete [INS: R :INS] [DEL: r :DEL] esearch

[INS:   :INS]

To be even more specific[INS: , :INS] I would like to introduce you one study from the field of
psychology of sport. Researchers Mark S. Allen, Iain Greenlees and Marc Jones (May 2011) from
different universities in United Kingdom[INS: , :INS] investigated the role of various components
of personality on the ability to cope with stress during participation in sport. Coping strategies
are very important for performance in sport, because they may deeply affect reactions on various
situations before, during or after a game and also the whole result of a game. Individual
differences in personality may influence used coping strategies. It is important to investigate
personalities of athletes to predict [INS: the :INS] using of coping strategies and develop them to
be helpful in sport (Allen, Greenlees, & Jones, May 2011).


Methods

[INS:   :INS]

Firstly, 253 athletes (187 men, 66 women; mean age 21.1 years, s = 3.7) competing in 34 different
sports fulfilled NEO-Five Factor Inventory. This questionnaire discovered different levels of [INS:
the :INS] 5 dimension[INS: s :INS] of personality among athletes (Allen, Greenlees, & Jones, May
2011). [INS: D :INS] [DEL: Into d :DEL] imensions or factors[INS: , :INS] according to the Big Five
Theory[INS: , :INS] namely belong [INS: to :INS] openness to experience, conscientiousness,
extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism (forming the acronym OCEAN)(Smékal, 2009). These
factors are considered as constituent traits, which mean their levels for one person [INS: is :INS]
[DEL: are :DEL] stable in time (Allen, Greenlees, & Jones, May 2011). Then the same athletes
completed the Coping Function Questionnaire to measure their ability to coping stress.


Results

[INS:   :INS]

According to authors, “results show that extraverted athletes, who were also emotionally stable and
open to new experiences, reported a greater use of problem-focused coping strategies” (Allen,
Greenlees, & Jones, May 2011). That means they try to resolve the problem using[INS: , :INS] for
example[INS: , :INS] re[INS: - :INS] analysing it, seeking [DEL: for :DEL] support or using more
effort (Výrost, & Slaměník, 2008). “Conscientious athletes and athletes displaying high levels of
extraversion, openness and agreeableness reported a greater use of emotion-focused coping
strategies” (Allen, Greenlees, & Jones, May 2011). These athletes cope with issues via ventilating
or managing emotions (Výrost, & Slaměník, 2008). “And athletes with low levels of openness, or high
levels of neuroticism, reported a greater use of avoidance coping strategies” (Allen, Greenlees, &
Jones, May 2011). These ones remove themselves mentally or physically away from the stressor
(Výrost, & Slaměník, 2008). Each of coping strategies has its pros and cons and it is necessary to
work with it more [INS: in order :INS] to make it the most useful. These findings suggest that is
important to know [INS: an :INS] athlete´s personality[INS: , :INS] because it may influence coping
strategies used and that may have an impact on their performance during a competition (Allen,
Greenlees, & Jones, May 2011.


Conclusion

[INS:   :INS]

In this essay I [INS: have :INS] tried to[INS: give you a short :INS] [DEL:  shortly :DEL]
introduc[INS: tion to :INS] [DEL: e :DEL] [DEL: you :DEL] general psychology and its subject. Then
I specified psychology of sport. Least but not last I presented you one study from this field of my
interest to provide you practical example of what psychology of sport may be.[INS:   (This isn’t
really what I would term a conclusion – a conclusion should draw on facts presented and offer :INS]
[INS: , for example, :INS] [INS: an opinion on at least one aspect of what is covered and why it is
important :INS] [INS: ) :INS]


References:

Allen, M. S., Greenlees, I.,& Jones, M. (May 2011). An investigation of the five-factor model of
personality and coping behaviour in sport.  Journal of Sports Sciences 29(8), 841-850. DOI:
10.1080/02640414.2011.565064.

Nakonečný, M. (2013). Lexikon psychologie. Praha: Vodnář

Smékal, V. (2009). Pozvání do psychologie osobnosti: člověk v zrcadle vědomí a jednání. Brno:
Barrister & Principal.

Tod, D., Thatcher, J., & Rahman, R. (2012). Psychologie sportu. Praha: Grada Publishing.

Výrost, J., Slaměník, I. (Eds.) (2008). Sociální psychologie. Praha: Grada Publishing.

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Overall, really well written, but in order to improve your written English, you should
consider the foll :INS] [INS: owing: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Revise your use of definite and indefinite articles :INS]

[INS: Revise your use of prepositions :INS]

[INS: Revise your use of the passive tense :INS] [INS: and subject verb agreement :INS] [INS: in
places :INS] [INS: :INS]

[INS: Extend your vocabulary and your use of more complex sentences :INS] [DEL: :DEL]

[INS:   :INS]
[INS:
:INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:   :DEL]

10. CYBERCRIME AND CYBER[INS: - :INS] SECURITY


I study political science at Masaryk University[INS: and part of my study is to look at :INS] [DEL:
. :DEL] [INS: c :INS] [DEL: C :DEL] rime and security on the internet[INS: , which, in the last few
years, :INS] [INS: has :INS] became a big issue[INS: . :INS] [DEL: in the last few years. :DEL]
This text[INS: is designed to :INS] [DEL: should :DEL] help the reader to understand new trends in
cybercrime and cyber[INS: - :INS] security.

[INS:   :INS]

The main benefits and challenges of [DEL: the :DEL] internet and computer crime is that there [INS:
aren’t :INS] [DEL: isn´t :DEL] any[DEL: kind of :DEL] boundaries. The attacker can commit [INS: a
:INS] crime in a country that [INS: does :INS] [DEL: has :DEL] [DEL: not :DEL] [INS: not have the
:INS] approved necessary legislation[DEL: yet :DEL] . This means that an attacker can escape
without any kind of punishment. The most obvious example of a worm attack ([INS: a :INS] specific
type of malware computer program) [INS: is one known as :INS] [DEL: called :DEL] [INS: ‘ :INS]
[DEL: „ :DEL] I love you[INS: ’ :INS] [INS: , w :INS] [DEL: “ :DEL] [DEL: . :DEL] [INS: hich :INS]
[DEL:  This attack :DEL] was used in Philippines because this country doesn´t have [INS: the :INS]
necessary legislation. [INS: Paradoxically :INS] [DEL: On the other hand :DEL] [INS: , the :INS]
country with the highest cyber crime[INS: rate :INS] is the USA[INS: and :INS] [DEL: , but :DEL]
they have the most sophisticated system [INS: of :INS] [DEL: for their own :DEL] protection. They
have also most advanced legislation[INS: , such as :INS] [DEL: like :DEL] the Patriot Act, SOPA,
PIPA, ACTA. The[DEL: re :DEL] [DEL: is also an :DEL] other [INS: aspect :INS] [DEL: part :DEL] of
this issue[INS: is :INS] [DEL: like :DEL] internet freedom and freedom of speech[INS: ; s :INS]
[DEL: . S :DEL] ociety [INS: needs to :INS] [DEL: must :DEL] find [INS: a :INS] [DEL: the :DEL]
balance between freedom and safety. [INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: The m :INS] [DEL: M :DEL] otivation [INS: for :INS] why people commit cybercrime has[DEL:
been :DEL] changed. First cybercrimes were commit[INS: t :INS] ed because [INS: the :INS] attacker
want[INS: ed :INS] [DEL: s :DEL] [DEL: have :DEL] respect [INS: from :INS] [DEL: of :DEL] the
internet community[INS: , but more and more, :INS] [DEL: . :DEL] [INS: s :INS] [DEL: S :DEL] ince
2000[INS: , :INS] crimes ha[INS: ve :INS] [DEL: s :DEL] been committed because [INS: the :INS]
cracker want[INS: s to :INS] steal money or personal data. There is a big misunderstanding in
terms. Hacker is [INS: ‘ :INS] [DEL: „ :DEL] hacking[INS: ’ :INS] [DEL: “ :DEL] for fame and
cracker [INS: ‘ :INS] [DEL: „ :DEL] cracking[INS: ’ :INS] [DEL: “ :DEL] for money.[INS: (This
sentence is out of place here – it’s not a logical progression from the one previous to it or the
one that comes after.) :INS] An organized group of criminals is in this crime since 2007. [INS:
(You need to re-think this sentences – it doesn’t make sense and it :INS] [INS: ’s hard to decide
what you are trying to say here.) :INS] These groups are capable of causing huge losses[INS: and
:INS] from any place in the world. Types of attack[INS: s :INS] have also changed from [INS: the
:INS] Nigerian scam email to sophisticated attack[INS: s :INS] on institutions and
corporations[INS: and the :INS] [DEL: . :DEL] [INS: n :INS] [DEL: N :DEL] umber of attacks are
constantly growing. In 2000, losses were around three million dollars[INS: and i :INS] [DEL: . I
:DEL] n 2009, [INS: this figure had increased to :INS] [DEL: it :DEL] [DEL: was :DEL] around six
hundred mil[INS: l :INS] ion. [INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

Cyber crime is not only[INS: about :INS] financial losses, but [INS: also the theft of :INS] our
personal information[DEL: too :DEL] . Stalking is the flip side of using identity on the internet.
There is clearly observable trend from amateur to professionally organized groups, from gaining
fame to sophisticated financial scams with huge losses. There is also other part of cybercrime
[INS: such as :INS] [DEL: like :DEL] hacktivism. The concept of hacktivism is very problematic.
Some authors consider[INS: ing :INS] these types of attacks are part of cyber terrorism or
cybercrime. On the other hand hacktivism can be understood as a specific part of freedom of
speech[INS: ; b :INS] [DEL: . B :DEL] locking access, defacement of web pages, email bombing are
most widely used attacks. [INS: There are many :INS] [DEL: In the world exist many :DEL] hacktivist
group[INS: s, such as :INS] [DEL:  like :DEL] Anonymous or Syrian Electronic Army[INS: , operating
in the world today :INS] . Th[INS: e :INS] [DEL: i :DEL] s[INS: e :INS] [DEL:   :DEL] groups work
absolutely decentralized[INS: and :INS] [DEL: . This groups :DEL] make ad hoc coalition[INS: s
:INS] for attacking targets.[INS:   (This paragraph is full of non-related sentences – i.e. the
ideas don’t link or form one cohesive argument/discussion/opinion) :INS]

[DEL:   :DEL]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: The l :INS] [DEL: L :DEL] eader[INS: s :INS] in cyber security are [INS: the :INS] USA,
Germany and Great Britain. Every state in the world [INS: is :INS] trying to build [INS: their
:INS] own national security strategy[INS: , but m :INS] [DEL: . M :DEL] ost of them are quite
similar. [INS: The m :INS] [DEL: M :DEL] ain points are cyber criminality and protect[INS: ing
their :INS] own interests in cyberspace. Most of these strategies are focused on cooperating with
the private sector and government. Every state [INS: is :INS] trying to define [INS: a :INS] clear
mandate of state in the area of cyber security. Problems of cyber security are solved ad hoc. This
means that responsibility for this policy is fragmented to many institutions with [INS: limited
:INS] [DEL: small :DEL] cooperation. The government is trying to give CERT (Computer Emergency
Response Team) some executive powers. Here we can find many problems. An institution with their
mandates to fight with cybercrime are also used for other purposes l[INS: - consider :INS] [DEL:
ike :DEL] [INS: the :INS] Snowden affair. There is pressure on the private sector to adopt uniform
safety measures. These measures were stopped [INS: due to :INS] [DEL: for :DEL] the[INS: ir :INS]
high cost[INS: . :INS] [INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL: of these safety measures. :DEL] The question is could government dictate what to do[INS: ?
:INS] [DEL: . :DEL] Economic damages can be bigger than actual cybercrime. There is also a view
that [INS: the :INS] private sector will be motivated by subsidies. Good legislation is
important[INS: , :INS] but it must be enforceable. It is very difficult to penal[INS: ise :INS]
[DEL: ty :DEL] someone if organized group[INS: s :INS] of criminals are all over the world.


Literature:


Brenner, S.. 2010.Cybercrime: Criminal Threats for Cyberspace. California: Greenwood Publishing.

CARR, Jeffrey a Lewis SHEPHERD. Inside cyber warfare. 1st ed. Sebastopol, Calif.: O'Reilly Media,
Inc., c2010, xviii, 212 p. ISBN 05-968-0215-3.

Tikk, E., Kaska, K., Vihul, L. International Cyber Incidents: Legal Considerations.
http://www.ccdcoe.org/231.html

Greenberg, L., Goodman, S., Soo Hoo, K. Information Warfare and International Law.

Halpin, E., Trevorrow, P., Webb, D., Wright, S. Cyberwar, Netwar and the Revolution in Military
Affairs, s. 139-153.

DENNING, Dorothy. Hacktivism and Cyberterrorism. [online]. [cit. 2013-12-10]. Dostupné z:
https://is.muni.cz/auth/el/1423/podzim2013/BSS152/um/13-denning.pdf

STERLING, Bruce. Zátah na hackery. [online]. [cit. 2013-12-10]. Dostupné z:
https://is.muni.cz/auth/el/1423/podzim2013/BSS152/um/13-sterling.pdf


[INS: Overall :INS] [INS: your text is rather unstructured and lacks coherence – ideas don’t follow
on from one another and the reader has a se :INS] [INS: nse of being given a list of facts but gets
no clarification or explanation as to what all this means. :INS] [INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: There is no paragraphing/logical paragraphing :INS] [INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: All you sentences are very short and simple :INS] [INS: which makes it very difficult to read
due to a lack of fluency.  You need to learn how to develop more complex sentences in English.
:INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Your grammar isn’t too bad, but you need to consider issues such as: :INS] [INS: :INS]

[INS: Verb tenses and subject verb agreement :INS]

[INS: Articles :INS]

[INS: Vocabulary – make sure you use words in the right context and try to expand your vocabulary,
as it stands, it is very limited. :INS] [INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS] [INS: :INS]
[INS:
:INS]

11. Portuguese language and important historical events in Portuguese, Brazilian and African
literature


[DEL:             :DEL] I [INS: am in my :INS] [DEL: study :DEL] third year of[INS: studying :INS]
Portuguese language at Masaryk University. In my opinion[DEL: is :DEL] Portuguese [INS: is a :INS]
very interesting language and in Czech Republic is very rare[INS: (to what?/Why? Clarify) :INS] .
My study is focused on [INS: the :INS] history of Portugal[INS: and :INS] [DEL: , history of :DEL]
Brazil, grammar, phonetics, translating, structure of sentences and literature. [INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

Th[INS: e :INS] [DEL: is essay is divided into three parts. :DEL] [INS: f :INS] [DEL: F :DEL] irst
part[INS: of this essay will discuss :INS] [INS: the :INS] [DEL: is :DEL] literature of
Portugal[INS: , :INS] followed by literature of Brazil and the last [DEL: part :DEL] [INS: part of
the essay will deal with :INS] [DEL: is about :DEL] African literature. Everyone knows Portuguese
[INS: i :INS] [DEL: a :DEL] s [INS: the :INS] official language of Portugal, but many people don’t
realize [INS: that, not only is :INS] Portuguese [INS: the :INS] [DEL: is also :DEL] official
language of Brazil [INS: but it is also the official language of several :INS] [DEL: a :DEL] [DEL:
nd :DEL] [DEL: few :DEL] African countries [INS: known :INS] [DEL: called :DEL] as
“Portuguese-speaking African countries”[INS: ; these include :INS] [DEL: consist of :DEL] Angola,
Cape Verde, Guinea-Bissau, Mozambique and São Tomé[INS: , :INS] and Príncipe.

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:             :DEL] Portuguese literature begins [INS: with the :INS] [DEL: by :DEL] poetry
of[INS: :INS] [DEL:   :DEL] troubadours in Portuguese[DEL: :DEL] -[DEL: :DEL] Galician
language.[INS: :INS] [DEL:   :DEL] This literature is preserved in three hymnals[INS: :INS] [DEL:
:DEL] from end of the 12th century. Troubadour’s poetry deal[INS: s :INS] mainly with themes of
chivalry and courtly love. One of most important persons of Portuguese Renaissance was [INS: the
:INS] poet Luís de Camões, who wrote [INS: the :INS] national and epic poem The Lusiads. [INS: One
of the most :INS] [DEL: Very :DEL] interesting age[INS: s :INS] of Portuguese literature was
romanticism.[INS: The :INS] [DEL:   :DEL] [INS: m :INS] [DEL: M :DEL] ain representatives of
romanticism were Almeida Garrett, Alexandre Herculano and Camillo Castello Branco. [INS: It is also
necessary :INS] [DEL: Need :DEL] to mention José Saramago, who won of the Nobel Prize for
Literature in 1998.

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:             :DEL] Brazil was discovered by [INS: the :INS] Portuguese explorer Pedro Álvares
Cabral [INS: at :INS] [DEL: in :DEL] beginning of the 15th century. From the 16th to the early 19th
centuries, [DEL: was :DEL] Brazil[INS: was a :INS] colony of Portugal and [INS: achieved its :INS]
[DEL: it´s :DEL] independence was [DEL: achieved :DEL] in 1822. One of the first Brazilian texts
[INS: to be :INS] [DEL: was :DEL] written[INS: was :INS] [INS: Carta de Pero Vaz de Caminha :INS]
by Pero Vaz de Caminha[INS: , :INS] [DEL:  and it’s called Carta de Pero Vaz de Caminha :DEL] which
describes [INS: what :INS] [DEL: how :DEL] Brazil looked like in[INS: the :INS] 15th century.
Another important period was Brazilian Romanticism[INS: , :INS] which can be divided [DEL: in :DEL]
[INS: into :INS] three different cycles. The first [INS: cycle :INS] [DEL: one :DEL] [DEL: is :DEL]
focuse[INS: s :INS] [DEL: d :DEL] on national identity, the second[INS: , :INS] [DEL:  cycle (
:DEL] also called Ultra-Romanticism[INS: , :INS] [DEL: ) :DEL] is marked by European themes and
traditions and the [INS: third :INS] [DEL: last :DEL] cycle is influen[INS: c :INS] [DEL: t :DEL]
ed by social poetry. Brazilian romanticism was followed by realism, which br[INS: ought with it a
:INS] [DEL: ings :DEL] new [INS: style :INS] [DEL: form :DEL] of prose, including analysis of the
people and description of the environment. [INS: The m :INS] [DEL: M :DEL] ost important author
of[INS: this period :INS] [DEL: Brazilian realism :DEL] was Machado de Assis. [INS: In modern day
Brazil, o :INS] [DEL: O :DEL] ne of [INS: the :INS] [DEL: the present :DEL] most famous authors is
Paulo Coelho[INS: , but it is also :INS] [DEL: . :DEL] [DEL: I :DEL] [DEL: t’s :DEL] worth [DEL: to
:DEL] mention[INS: ing the author :INS] Milton Hatoum[INS: , :INS] whom I had opportunity to
meet[INS: when he visited :INS]  [INS: our :INS] [DEL: at my :DEL] faculty.

       [INS: :INS]

[INS: The :INS] Portuguese[DEL: :DEL] -[DEL: :DEL] speaking African countries are Angola, Cape
Verde, Guinea-Bissau, Mozambique and São Tomé and Príncipe[INS: (You’ve already told us this in
your opening paragraph – you need to delete it from one or the other as its repetitive) :INS] . I
would like to focus on[INS: the literature of :INS] Mozambique[DEL: literature :DEL] [INS:
predominantly as it is the :INS] [DEL: because it´s :DEL] [INS: subject :INS] [DEL: object :DEL] of
my bachelor thesis. One of the most important[INS: authors from :INS] Mozambi[INS: que :INS] [DEL:
can :DEL] [DEL: authors :DEL] is Mia Couto. He was born in city of Beira to Portuguese emigrants
who moved to the Portuguese colony in 1950s. Couto´s poetry was first published[INS: when the
author was :INS] [DEL: at the age of :DEL] fourteen[INS: years of age :INS] . [INS: H :INS] [DEL:
Lately, h :DEL] e was[INS: also the :INS] main representative of animist realism, which was [INS: a
:INS] typical[INS: :INS] [DEL:  for :DEL] literature in Mozambique. [INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

Now I would like to focus on political events in Mozambique. Mozambique was a Portuguese
colony[INS: and so the :INS] [DEL: . :DEL] [INS: o :INS] [DEL: O :DEL] fficial language is
Portuguese, but there also exists many local[INS: :INS] [DEL: :DEL]

African languages, for example  Tsonga, Sena Nyanja, Makonde and Macua. Mozambique was discovered
by [INS: the :INS] Portuguese explorer Vasco da Gama in 1498. At the beginning of the 16th century
the Portuguese wanted to [INS: conquer :INS] [DEL: get :DEL] the interior of Mozambique, but they
didn´t have[INS: a :INS] strong[INS: enough :INS] military personnel. At the Berlin Conference in
1884/1885, Mozambique became a Portuguese colony.[INS: (You’ve already said that Mozambique was a
Portuguese colony :INS] [INS: . :INS] [INS: ) :INS] [DEL: Since 1975 :DEL] [DEL: is :DEL]
Mozambique[INS: has been an :INS] independent country[INS: since 1975, but :INS] [DEL: . :DEL]
Mozambique[INS: would not have been able to achieve :INS] independence [DEL: wouldn’t happened
:DEL] without[INS: the :INS] liberation movement[INS: the :INS] [DEL:  called :DEL] Mozambique
Liberation Front (FRELIMO). These political events had [INS: a :INS] huge influence [INS: on the
literature of :INS] [DEL: to :DEL] Mozambique [DEL: literature :DEL] and some[INS: :INS] [DEL:
literature :DEL] authors, for example Marcelino dos Santos, bec[INS: a :INS] [DEL: o :DEL] me
politic[INS: ians as a consequence :INS] [DEL: s :DEL] .


[INS:   :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

Conclusion

[INS:   :INS]

In this essay I wanted to introduce you [INS: to :INS] literature and important histor[INS: ical
:INS] [DEL: y :DEL] events of Portuguese speaking countries. I would also [INS: like to :INS]
mention that culture and some traditions ha[INS: ve :INS] [DEL: s :DEL] all Portuguese speaking
countries in common, for example[INS: , :INS] [DEL: well known carnivals and :DEL] rich traditional
folklore[INS: and famous carnivals, such as Mardi Gras :INS] .[INS: (A conclusion should really
draw on points in the text and offer an opinion/ further points for subsequent discussion :INS]
[INS: – :INS] [INS: a :INS] [INS: conclusion doesn’t need to tell the reader what you’ve done)
:INS]


Literature:

J. Klíma (1996), Dějiny Portugalska

J. Klíma (2007), Stručná historie států: Mosambik

J. Klíma (2011), Dějiny Brazílie[INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Comments: :INS]

[INS: Revise language points such as :INS] [INS: prepositions and articles :INS]

[INS: Word order :INS] [INS: – you sometimes get this confused :INS] [INS: :INS]

[INS: Use of the passive tense – not always necessary and you don’t need to use it if the active
will suffice – have a look on the internet and see why and when to use the passive. :INS]

[INS:   :INS]
[INS:
:INS]



12. Why do people deal with art criticism?[INS: (What do you mean by this question?) :INS] What is
art criticism, is it important?


[DEL: Â  :DEL] I [INS: have :INS] chose[INS: n to discuss :INS] a topic that is not [INS: been
over-processed :INS] [DEL: yet too processed :DEL] [INS: and is a :INS] [DEL: . This :DEL] topic
[INS: most :INS] [DEL: i :DEL] [DEL: s very :DEL] beneficial [INS: to :INS] [DEL: for :DEL] me[INS:
, as :INS] [DEL: . :DEL] I study the history of music, theat[DEL: e :DEL] r[INS: e and :INS] [DEL:
, :DEL] film arts[INS: , :INS] [DEL:  - :DEL] which[INS: also :INS] includes sculpture, painting
and architecture. I have to know the m[INS: any :INS] [DEL: ost :DEL] important [INS: aspects of
:INS] [DEL: things :DEL] [DEL: in :DEL] these s[INS: ubjects, :INS] [DEL: pheres :DEL] . [INS: b
:INS] [DEL: B :DEL] ut [INS: an :INS] art critic should[INS: really :INS] focus on one area[INS: ,
so that they obtain an in-depth knowledge :INS] [DEL: . That :DEL] [INS: and :INS] [DEL: should
perfectly :DEL] [DEL: :DEL]

understand[INS: ing of works in order to :INS] [DEL:  and then may :DEL] become a great critic.

[INS:   :INS]

The question of why it is important critic is suitable. None of the artists on negative criticism
does not want to hear. It can be a benefit for artists. When a humble artist admits knowledge
critic, may in specific cases improve. On the other hand, the audience is often reviews on the
Internet or in a magazine necessary. [DEL: Â  :DEL] It is important to note that not only negative
criticism, but is also positive criticism. [DEL: Â  :DEL] When the critic can apply positive
criticism that will attract viewers.

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL: Â  :DEL] After reading the negative criticism you may change your mind [DEL: Â  :DEL] and
visit to the theat[DEL: e :DEL] r[INS: e :INS] , concerts, films or the gallery you will not
attend. These are the main reasons why is criti[INS: ci :INS] sm so important.

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: (I :INS] [INS: ’m afraid there are too many errors for me to correct in these two paragraphs
– I would need to re-write the whole thing to make it make sense – you really need to re-think
carefully what it is you want to exp :INS] [INS: ress and try to do this simply at first and then
build on it to form more complex sentences.  Also, make sure you don’t use a translation tool to
translate chunks of text – these tools are seldom accurate. :INS] [INS: :INS]


Art criticism


Criticism translates as assessment, evaluation and award[INS: (of what?) :INS] . Nowadays it is an
important activity. We have several kinds of professions[INS: and can be a :INS] [DEL: . :DEL]
[INS: c :INS] [DEL: C :DEL] ritic[INS: of :INS] litera[INS: ture :INS] [DEL: ry :DEL] , music,
theat[DEL: e :DEL] r[INS: e and :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] film. [INS: The p :INS] [DEL: P :DEL] urpose of
criticism is to analyze the resulting reports [INS: and/ :INS] or reviews published. [DEL: The
:DEL] [INS: Reviews :INS] [DEL: texts :DEL] are published frequently in magazines[INS: and are
usually :INS] [DEL: . It is always :DEL] objective and impartial. When [INS: a :INS] [DEL: the
:DEL] critic wants to evaluate things [INS: he/she :INS] must study them in depth[INS: and :INS]
[DEL: . He :DEL] must [DEL: be :DEL] compare[INS: the work to :INS] [DEL: d :DEL] [DEL: with :DEL]
other things[INS: (such as what?) :INS] . Assessments must be both positive and negative[DEL:
aspects :DEL] [INS: , but :INS] [DEL: . :DEL] [DEL: Â  :DEL] [INS: regardless of whether it is
:INS] [DEL: When it is :DEL] positive or negative[INS: , :INS] [DEL:   :DEL] criticism[INS: s :INS]
must always be justified. Slander is not a criticism. The critic has to show the shortcomings[INS:
of the subject they are critiquing :INS] [DEL: criticized things :DEL] , but is not required to
propose how to correct[INS: it :INS] . In literature and art[INS: , :INS] criticism [INS: is :INS]
[DEL: are :DEL] used for the assessment of artworks[INS: (you’ve already stated this) :INS] . Great
critic[INS: s :INS] , such as [DEL: with :DEL] F.X. Salda, can become[INS: :INS] [DEL:  a :DEL]
teacher[INS: s :INS] [INS: of :INS] [DEL: for :DEL] generations of writers and poets. His literary
efforts were not good, but it is not important.[INS: (Explain.) :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL: Â  :DEL] Frantisek Xaver Salda was [INS: a :INS] Czech poet, novelist and literary critic .
He is the founder of Czech modern criticism. Salda ensure[INS: d :INS] that [DEL: the :DEL]
criticism became an autonomous field. He is the author of the slogan [INS: ‘ :INS] [DEL: " :DEL]
Literary Criticism[INS: ’ :INS] [DEL: " :DEL] and [DEL: he :DEL] is associated with a manifesto of
Czech modernism. He became a critic after he was forced to defend his story analysis, which was
attacked by a realistic magazine Time. [DEL: Â  :DEL] In his story, the characters were a problem
impressionism, symbolism and decadence. It was a typical Salda´s writing style. He much refused
descriptive realism. Â Salda prefer young people, which gave hope. In the twenties of the 20th
century. [INS: (Again – all this is very confused and I would need to rewrite for it to make sense
– re-work) :INS] He became a renowned critic in Czech society. He published his own magazine [DEL:
- :DEL] Salda´s notebook. Salda thinks that[INS: :INS] critism is art and [INS: that not :INS]
everyone [DEL: can not :DEL] be a critic

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: One of the :INS] [DEL: The :DEL] great[INS: est :INS] problem[INS: s :INS] [INS: of critics
is :INS] [DEL: is :DEL] the[INS: ir :INS] subjective opinion[DEL: of critics :DEL] .[INS: (You
stated previously that critics were ALWAYS objective and impartial – this is contradictory to that
statement :INS] [INS: , which is why I changed the previous one to ‘usually’ :INS] [INS: .) :INS]
For people who classify certain thing[INS: s :INS] , it is important to be objective[INS: , b :INS]
[DEL: . B :DEL] ut our feelings and perceptions are different.[INS: :INS] [DEL: Â  :DEL] In
reviews  our subjective feelings often prevail.


Literature:

 SALDA, Frantisek Xaver. Kritika. In: OttĹŻv slovnĂk nauÄŤnĂ˝. Praha: Paseka, 1999, str. 190.

STEPANEK, Miroslav, RIMAN, Josef. Literární kritika. In: Ĺ TÄšPĂ�NEK, Miroslav, Ĺ�ĂŤMAN, Josef.
Malá československá encyklopedie. III. svazek. Vyd. 1. Praha: ACADEMIA, 1986, str. 832.

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Most of this text is not very coherent and there seems to be little logical progression.  The
student writes in very short, simple sentences :INS] [INS: , which makes the text clumsy and
difficult to read because of the :INS] [INS: :INS] [INS: lack of :INS] [INS: fluency. :INS] [INS:
There are :INS] [INS: no examples or explanations for the :INS] [INS: ideas put forward.  The use
of vocabulary is very limited and their overall grasp of grammar, while not :INS] [INS: completely
inaccurate, needs revision and the student might want to :INS] [INS: revise some of the more basic
elements :INS] [INS: – :INS] [INS: a :INS] [INS: good place to start would be to look at all the
:INS] [INS: parts of speech and how they are used :INS] [INS: and then start to look at specific
points, e.g. prepositions, articles :INS] [INS: … :INS]

[INS:   :INS]
[INS:
:INS]


13. Electoral system into the parliament of the Czech Republic and main political parties


Introduction

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:             :DEL] As a student of Political Science [INS: in :INS] [DEL: at :DEL] the Faculty
of Social Studies, I w[INS: ould like to :INS] [DEL: ill :DEL] introduce you[INS: to :INS] our
electoral system in[DEL: to :DEL] the lower and upper chamber[INS: s :INS] of parliament, [INS:
known as the :INS] [DEL: named :DEL] Chamber of Deputies and [INS: the :INS] Senate. I w[INS: ould
like to :INS] [DEL: ill :DEL] focus [INS: on :INS] o[INS: ur :INS] [DEL: n description of :DEL]
electoral systems[INS: :INS] [DEL: . Afterward, I will mention :DEL] and simultaneously[INS: ,
:INS] elucidate specifics of the system. At the end of the text, I w[INS: ould like to :INS] [DEL:
ill :DEL] present [INS: the :INS] [DEL: you :DEL] main political parties of the Czech Republic.


Electoral system of the upper chamber of parliament

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:             :DEL] Pursuant to the Constitution of the Czech Republic, Senate elections run
according to the principles of the majority system. The Czech Republic is divided [INS: in :INS] to
81 constituencies[INS: and :INS] [DEL: , in :DEL] each constituency [INS: has one :INS] [DEL: is
:DEL] elected [DEL: one :DEL] senator. Elections mostly run in two rounds due to [INS: the :INS]
requirement to obtain an absolute majority of votes (absolute majority means more than 50 per cent
of votes). [INS: The f :INS] [DEL: F :DEL] irst round is attended by all candidates. If none of the
candidates obtain 50 per cent, [INS: there :INS] [DEL: it :DEL] will be a second round of elections
in [INS: a :INS] [DEL: one :DEL] week[INS: ’s time :INS] . Only [INS: the :INS] two candidates with
the highest number of votes from the first round proceed to the second round. In the second
round[INS: , :INS] [DEL: wins :DEL] the candidate with [DEL: simple :DEL] majority of votes[INS:
wins :INS] . To become a senator, you have to be [INS: over :INS] 40 [DEL: + :DEL] years [INS: of
age :INS] [DEL: old :DEL] and have [INS: the :INS] [DEL: a :DEL] right to vote. Elections run once
[INS: every :INS] [DEL: in :DEL] 6 years[INS: and a third :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] [INS:   :INS] [DEL:
1/3 :DEL] of the chamber is changed after 2 years.


[INS: The e :INS] [DEL: E :DEL] lectoral system of the lower chamber of parliament

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:             :DEL] In contrast with [INS: the :INS] electoral system of the Senate, [INS: e
:INS] [DEL: E :DEL] lections to the Chamber of Deputies [INS: are :INS] run according to the
principles of the proportional system. The Czech Republic is divided to 14 electoral regions which
are identical with higher territorial self-governing units of the Czech Republic. The seats are
distributed to political parties which [INS: have :INS] crossed [INS: a :INS] 5 per cent closing
clause (closing clause means the minimum percentage of votes which the party have to obtain to get
a mandate), coalition of two political parties have to get 10 per cent of votes, coalition of three
parties 15 per cent of votes and coalition of 4 [INS: or more :INS] [DEL: + :DEL] parties have to
obtain 20 per cent of votes. Afterwards, mandates are distributed on the basis of d’Hondt system –
number of votes of each political party is gradually divided by 1, 2, 3, 4 …n where ‘n’ is one
greater than the number of seats allocated in electoral region. Results of [INS: the :INS] dividing
of all parties and coalitions are sorted by size to the number of allocated seats in the electoral
region. Each party is then assigned as many mandates as many times their result appeared in a
number comparison. To become a member of Chamber of Deputies, you have to be 21 [INS: or more :INS]
[DEL: + :DEL] years o[INS: f age :INS] [DEL: ld :DEL] and have [INS: the :INS] [DEL: a :DEL] right
to vote. Elections run once [INS: every :INS] [DEL: in :DEL] 4 years.


Main [DEL: Czech :DEL] political parties[INS: of the Czech Republic :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:             :DEL] Czech Social Democratic party (ČSSD): [INS: the i :INS] [DEL: I :DEL]
deology of the party is social democracy[INS: . :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] ČSSD is [INS: a :INS] member of
[INS: the :INS] Party of European Socialist[INS: s :INS] [INS: . I :INS] [DEL: ; :DEL] [INS: t is
:INS] currently [DEL: is :DEL] one of the government parties[INS: and the :INS] [DEL: , :DEL]
chairman of the party is Bohuslav Sobotka (current prime minister of the Czech Republic).

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:             :DEL] TOP 09: TOP is a composite of three words – tradition, responsibility and
prosperity[INS: ; :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] this party is quite young[INS: having been :INS] [DEL: , TOP
09 was :DEL] established in 2009[INS: . T :INS] [DEL: ; t :DEL] he party is [INS: a :INS] member of
[INS: the :INS] European People’s Party[INS: and :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] its ideology is conservative
liberalism[INS: . It is :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] currently [DEL: is :DEL] in [DEL: an :DEL]
opposition[INS: and the :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] chairman of the party is Karel Schwarzenberg.

            [INS: :INS]

Civic Democratic Party (ODS): [INS: the i :INS] [DEL: I :DEL] deology of the party is economic
liberalism and conservatism[INS: . :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] ODS is [INS: a :INS] member of [INS: the
:INS] Alliance of European Conservatives and Reformists[INS: and is :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] currently
[DEL: is :DEL] in [DEL: an :DEL] opposition[INS: > The :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] chairman of the party is
Petr Fiala.

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:             :DEL] Christian-Democratic Union – Czechoslovak People’s Party (KDU-ČSL): [INS:
the i :INS] [DEL: I :DEL] deology of the party is Christian democracy and social conservatism[INS:
. :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] KDU-ČSL is [INS: a :INS] member of [INS: the :INS] European People’s
Party[INS: and is :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] currently [DEL: is :DEL] one of the government parties[INS: .
The :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] chairman of the party is Pavel Bělohrádek.

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:             :DEL] ANO 2011: ANO is a composite of words ‘action of disgruntled people’[INS:
.  The :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] [DEL: the :DEL] party is[INS: very :INS] young[INS: having been :INS]
[DEL: – it was :DEL] established in 2011 as political movement[INS: .  I :INS] [DEL: , i :DEL] ts
ideology is centrism and liberalism[INS: and it is :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] currently [DEL: is :DEL] one
of the government parties[INS: .  The :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] chairman of the party is businessman
Andrej Babiš

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:             :DEL] Communist Party of Bohemia and Moravia (KSČM): [INS: the i :INS] [DEL: I
:DEL] deology of the party is communism, socialism, Marxism and Stalinism[INS: . :INS] [DEL: ,
:DEL] KSČM is [INS: a :INS] member of the Party of the European Left[INS: and is :INS] [DEL: ,
:DEL] currently[INS: :INS] [DEL:  is :DEL] in[DEL: an :DEL] opposition[INS: .  The :INS] [DEL: ,
:DEL] chairman of the party is Vojtěch Filip.


Conclusion

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: The :INS] [DEL:      :DEL] Electoral system to the Senate is [INS: a :INS] majority
system[INS: ; :INS] [DEL: , :DEL] elections run once [INS: every :INS] [DEL: in :DEL] 6 years and
[INS: one third :INS] [DEL: 1/3 :DEL] of the Senate changes after two years, Senator has to be 40 +
years old and have a right to vote. Electoral system to the Chamber of Deputies is proportional
system with 5 per cent closing clause, mandates are distributed according to d’Hondt divisor,
member of Chamber of Deputies has to be 21 + years old and have a right to vote. Main Czech
political parties are ČSSD, TOP 09, KDU-ČSL, ODS, ANO 2011 and KSČM.[INS:   (A conclusion generally
offers opinion and points for further discussion, rarely does it state again what has already been
written – this is just repetition) :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Over all this is very well written with only a few minor :INS] [INS: grammar :INS] [INS:
errors – in order to improve your written skills in English you might like to revise: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Articles :INS]

[INS: Vocabulary – try to build on what you already know :INS]
[INS:
:INS]


14. Emotion of anger in toddlerhood


Introduction

[INS:   :INS]

Toddlerhood is a period of infant development, which lasts from the first to the third year of
infant life. It is a very important period, which is characterized by huge progress in gaining
[DEL: of :DEL] independence. This is related to progress in motor skills (independent movements),
cognitive abilities (perception, thinking, language, realizing his or her existence) and finally
development of emotions (Vágnerová, 2005). The last will [INS: be :INS] the main topic of this
paper.

[INS:   :INS]

The infant [INS: can :INS] already [DEL: can :DEL] differentiate many types of emotions and use
them in certain situations. He [INS: or :INS] [DEL: ( :DEL] she[DEL: ) :DEL] can also recognize
emotions of other people. Some emotions are more important than [DEL: the :DEL] others, because
they are related to other aspects of development. [INS: One of these :INS] [DEL: That :DEL]
kind[INS: s :INS] of emotion[INS: s :INS] is anger. To say no and reject something, to express
disagreement is a new ability of toddlerhood. But for toddlers[DEL: is :DEL] this new emotion [INS:
is :INS] very strong and hard to control and express acceptably. One of the important developmental
tasks is therefor[INS: e, :INS] to hold emotional balance (Vágnerová, 2005).

[INS:   :INS]

[DEL:             :DEL] Toddlerhood is typical for more emotional misbalance of [INS: the :INS]
infant, including quick, more often and intense bursts of anger and problems with returning to calm
state. [INS: R :INS] [DEL: The r :DEL] esearches evidence that the degree of anger expression
depends on the infant’s temperament and also on [INS: the :INS] raising style of caregiver.
Studies involving observations of infant behavio[INS: u :INS] r and mother[DEL: ’ :DEL] s[INS: ’
:INS] reports that[INS: , :INS] during the second year of life, [INS: their :INS] children start to
use physical aggression toward[INS: s :INS] other people, especially when they want to get
something that another child has (Baillargeonet al., 2007). The most common forms of physical
aggression are kicking, biting, pushing and hitting. Usually these forms of aggression stop [INS:
in :INS] [DEL: till :DEL] the fifth year of infant life and children develop effective strategies
for express[INS: ing :INS] anger acceptably a[INS: nd :INS] control[INS: ling :INS] themselves.

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: I :INS] [DEL:            :DEL] [DEL: V :DEL] [DEL: ery important role i :DEL] n this period
of emotional misbalance[INS: , the infant’s parents :INS] play[INS: a very important role. :INS]
[DEL: infant’s parents. :DEL] They stand for important model[DEL: :DEL] [INS: s :INS] of expression
of emotions and dealing with anger (Newman, 2012). It is very likely[DEL: , :DEL] that parents with
self-control problems and common expression of anger will increase [INS: their :INS] infant’s usage
of inappropriate anger expression toward other children and also toward his or her caregivers.
Actually, at times when [INS: an :INS] infant’s parents get angry, [INS: the :INS] infant
learn[INS: s :INS] as much or more about the expression of anger from watching their faces as they
do from verbal explanations or punishment (Bandura, 1977).

[INS:   :INS]

Children at this age are also sensitive to anger which is not directed at them. Parent’s hostility
to[INS: wards :INS] each other expressed by quarrels, sarcasm and physical abuse, increases
children’s sensitivity to anger and is closely related to disturbances in development (Kochanska,
Aksan and Joy, 2007). Therefore[INS: , it :INS] is very important to understand the role of anger
in toddlerhood and not to have doubts,[INS: :INS] [DEL:   :DEL] if we raised our child in the
correct way, when he or she expresses the anger toward his or her caregiver. [INS: It is also :INS]
Important [DEL: is also :DEL] to show children a model of proper usage of anger and to help [INS:
the :INS] child control his[INS: or her :INS] anger an[INS: d :INS] express it in more socially
acceptable ways. Children who are severely punished [DEL: for their :DEL] or ridiculed for their
[INS: expression of :INS] anger[INS: :INS] [DEL:  expression :DEL] are left in [INS: a :INS] [DEL:
the :DEL] state of doubt. They can see the models for the expression of anger in the way their
parents respond to them and yet they are told that anger is not appropriate for them (Newman,
2012). The goal in socialization of angry feelings is to help children to find [DEL: the :DEL]
legitimate expressions of anger without hurting themselves or others.


[INS:   :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

Conclusion

[INS:   :INS]

I have presented some information about [INS: the :INS] development of anger in toddlerhood. In
this period [INS: it :INS] is important t[INS: o :INS] [DEL: he big :DEL] progress [INS: the :INS]
[DEL: in :DEL] autonomy of children and emotion of anger is related to this progress. To control
anger is very hard for toddlers; therefore intense periods of rage and anger are quite common.
Parents play important role in learning infant some appropriate ways of anger expression. Parents
stand for model of behavio[INS: u :INS] r that the child will imitate. Therefore is for parents
important to self-control of their angry feelings and to explain toddler, what the emotion of anger
is and how people express it in our society.[INS: (A conclusion generally offers opinion on what is
presented in the text and points for further discussion :INS] [INS: – :INS] [INS: it :INS] [INS:
seldom repeats what has already been written). :INS]



Referencies:

Baillargeon R. H., Zoccolillo M., Keenan K., Côté S., Pérusse D., Wu H. X., Boivin M., Tremblay R.
E. 2007. Gender differences in physical aggression: A prospective population-based survey of
children before and after 2 years of age. Developmental Psychology, 43 (1).

Bandura, A. 1977. Self-efficacy: Toward a Unifying Theory of Behavioral Change. Psychological
Review, 84 (2).

Kochanska, Grazyna; Aksan, Nazan; Joy, Mary E. 2007. Children's fearfulness as a moderator of
parenting in early socialization: Two longitudinal studies. Developmental Psychology, 43(1).

Newman, B. M. & Newman, P. R. (2012). Life-Span Development: A Psychosocial Approach. 11th Edition.
International Edition. Wadsworth Cengage Learning.

Vágnerová, M. (2005). Vývojová psychologie I. Praha: Karolinum.

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Over all, this a a very well written piece of work, but if you want to improve your written
English, you might want to look at: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: The use of articles and prepositions :INS]

[INS: Word order of parts of speech :INS]

[INS:   :INS]