Doozo and 'Please'
Mr. Lerner was hurriedly gathering together some papers needed for a meeting, when Miss Yoshida came by, and offered to help, saying
Otetsudai-shimashoo-ka. (Would you like me to help you? — lit. Shall I help you?)
Mr. Lerner said.
Ee, doozo.
meaning "Yes, please." Mr. Takada, who was working nearby, heard this and laughed. He explained that doozo should not be used when making a request. Mr. Lerner felt confused; don't the Japanese say Doozo yoroshiku (How do you do? — lit. Please be good to me) so often?
Doozo is used in making requests as in
Doozo onegai-shimasu. (Please do so.) Kochira-e doozo. (Please come this way.)
But when it is used alone, the speaker is usually urging someone to go ahead and do what he wants to do. For instance, to someone asking
Tabako-o sutte-mo ii-desu-ka. (May I smoke?)
Doozo is often used in reply, meaning "Please go ahead." Or, when offering something to drink or eat, one often says just
Doozo.
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meaning "Please help yourself."
When accepting an offer of help, however, saying Doozo sounds strange; it sounds as if one is saying "Please go ahead and help me, if you want to so badly." Thus it can sound very rude. One should say instead
Onegai-shimasu. (lit. I request it.)
Some people distinguish between doozo and dooka VS.  ifo/tJ"; dooka is used solely for
requests. But this distinction is not very common, and dooka is not used in daily conversation as often as doozo.
Thus it is advisable to use Doozo only in making requests, and use Onegai-shimasu or
Sumimasen. Onegai-shimasu.
(Thank you. Please help me.)
when accepting an offer of help.
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Expressing gratitude for help
to cause someone trouble or that he actually is causing someone trouble, but when that is finished, one says
Mr. Lerner expresses his gratitude by saying Arigatoo-gozaimasu when he is offered or has received help, but he wonders if there are more appropriate expressions he should be using instead.
To accept someone's offer of help, one should
say
or
Sumimasen. Ja, onegai-shimasu.
Arigatoo-gozaimasu. Ja, onegai-shimasu.
To be more polite, Mooshiwake arimasen or Osoreirimasu is used in place of Sumimasen or Arigatoo-gozaimasu, and onegai-itashimasu for onegai-shimasu. Between good friends, men usually say Warui-ne. Ja, tanomu-yo and women Warui-wane. Ja, onegai-suru-wa.
After some help has been received, one usually says
Arigatoo-gozaimashita.
While Arigatoo-gozaimasu is used before the action of helping starts or during its performance, Arigatoo-gozaimashita is used when the action has been completed. This implies that the action of helping has been completed after a long time or with much effort.
In a similar way, the ta form is also used for apology when the speaker wants to emphasize that an action has finally been completed. For instance, one uses Sumimasen when one feels that he is going
or
Doomo sumimasen-deshita. Honto-ni sumimasen-deshita.
meaning "I'm so sorry that you have been caused so much trouble." More politely, one can say
Makoto-ni mooshiwake arimasen-deshita.
In familiar conversations Warukatta-ne or Warukatta-wane is used.
After thanking someone for his help, one often indicates that it has been valuable by saying things like
Okagesama-de, hayaku katazukimashita. (Thanks to your help, I could finish it quickly.) Okagesama-de it mono-ga dekimashita. (Thanks to your help, I could make a good one.)
Tetsudatte-itadaite, honto-ni tasukarimashita. (Your help has saved me so much trouble.)
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f
The intonation of Soo-desu-ka
Mr. Lerner can now make himself understood in Japanese and is improving in his vocabulary and grammar, but he still has some problems with his intonation. Just this morning* when Mr. Mori, the director of the company, remarked that his golf game had improved recently, he said
Soo-desu-ka. (Is that so?)
It was a very simple sentence, but it seemed to be unpleasant to Mr. Mori. Miss Yoshida, who was with them, later told Mr. Lerner that the tone had sounded impolite because he had raised the last ka sound.
* * *
To make a sentence a question, ka is usually added, as in
Oisogashii-desu-ka. (Are you busy?) This ka is said with a higher pitch than desu as in
So -ka? o-desu
How high the ka is said depends on the speaker's intention. When he is anxious to know the answer he raises the ka very high. Otherwise ka should not be raised too high. And foreigners are advised not to keep going up as in
-ka?
su
-de
o
So
Just the last ka should be raised.
Sentences ending with ka, however, do not always indicate a question. Just like the English "Is that right?", Soo-desu-ka is often said as an answer. When it is used as an answer, the last ka should not go up.
Such sentences should be said as in
So
o-desu-ka.
If the ka goes up, it implies that the speaker has doubts. Mr. Lerner probably unconsciously used this intonation, which sounded impolite. Especially when the ka is said long and raised as in
a?
So -ka o-desu
it definitely indicates distrust.
Ne as in Soo-desu-ne and yo as in Soo-desu-yo are also said either with a falling intonation or a rising one, depending on the speaker's intention. Ne is said high when one solicits agreement, and is raised higher to indicate warmth or anxiousness. Yo is usually said with a falling tone; if you raise it, it will sound as if you are talking to a child.
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Parting from someone you meet every day
Mr. Lerner recently noticed that his colleagues use various expressions when they leave the office, and that Sayonara, which he had thought to be the most common, is actually not used very often. He wondered if he should start using J a or Osaki-ni instead.
When one parts from one's colleagues after a day's work, such casual expressions as
J a (So long — lit. Well, then)
Ja, mata (See you soon — lit. Well, again)
are commonly used. And when one leaves the office before others, one says
Osaki-ni (lit. Before you)
and the remaining workers will respond with such expressions as
Otsukaresama. (lit. You must be tired.)
Toward one's superiors, one says either Shitsuree-shimasu (Excuse me) or
Osaki-ni shitsuree-shimasu.
(lit. I'm rude enough to leave before you.)
Some people use Sayonara when parting from their colleagues and some do not; that depends upon how they regard their relations with each other. If they regard their fellow workers as
members of a very closely united group, they do not use Sayonara. While Sayonara implies the parting of two individuals, Osaki-ni implies a member of a group leaving the others.
This is related to the fact that Sayonara is never used among family members. Children use it not only to their friends but also to older people because they still do not make distinctions about whom they are talking to. When they grow up, they start using different kinds of expressions for parting depending on the listener; namely, they use Sayonara to their equals and Shitsuree-shimasu to their superiors. And when they join a group of workers, they use either Sayonara or other expressions toward their fellow workers.
There are various other expressions also used for parting. Some people, especially older people or women, prefer such traditional expressions as Gokigen-yoo (Farewell), Gomen-kudasai(mase) (Please excuse me), and Gomen-nasai(mashi) (Please excuse me). On the other hand young people, especially young women, often use Bai-bai (Bye).
You do not have to use many different expressions. Sayonara can be used when you do not have to be polite. But when politeness seems to be required, we recommend that you use Shitsuree-shimasu instead. And you should not use Sayonara to people who treat you like a family member.
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Parting from family members
Mr. Lerner went to visit a town in Hokkaido, where he stayed with Miss Yoshida's relatives. When he went out for sightseeing in the morning, the wife saw him off with
Itte-rasshai.
(lit. Please go and come back.) Mr. Lerner responded with Itte-maihmasu.
(lit. I'm going and coming back )
While doing so, he wondered if he could also say Sayonara.
* * *
When a family member goes out, those remaining say Itte-rasshai and the one leaving says Itte-kimasu or Itte-mairimasu. This can never be replaced by Sayonara. We heard about a boy, 10 years old, who wanted a change and said Okaasan, sayonara when he left for school one morning. His mother frantically ran after him and asked if he was running away from home.
Family members never use Sayonara between themselves in any situation. When they meet outside their home and part, they say Ja (Well, then) or Ja, ato-de (Well, then, later). They use these expressions when talking on the phone too. Even when a family member is going abroad and will not be back for years, they never use Sayonara. In fact, family members do not use expressions that mean
parting. One uses Sayonara to one's family members only when he is going to leave forever.
Sometimes one extends this custom toward non-family members. A neighbor may greet you with Itte-rasshai when you go out, and with Okaeri-nasai (Welcome home) when you come home.
A visitor staying with a family is Usually treated as a member of that family. If he is coming back to them later, he is greeted with Itte-rasshai instead of Sayonara. Mr. Lerner was right when he responded with Itte-mairimasu. If he had said Sayonara, it would have meant that he was leaving the family for good.
When you are staying with a Japanese family and are treated like a family member, you should use family-like greetings. Even when you are leaving them after your stay, and are not likely to visit them again, it is better to use such expressions as
Ja, kore-de shitsuree-shimasu. (Well, please excuse me.)
or
Dewa kore-de. (Well, excuse me.)
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