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HOW TO WRITE HISTORY
Well, that is the spirit in which history should be written- with truthfulness and a regard for future hopes, rather than with flattery aimed at getting pleasure out of present praise. Here is your rule and standard for writing impartial history. If any will make use of it, that is all to the good, and my work has served its purpose. If not, I've rolled my wine-jar in Craneion.
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This is probably Lucian's best known work, and it is lis most extended
ers of Lies, and in fun at his victims, jvhich were full of chief targets, and
exercise in parody. We see his gift for parody also in Loi A True History there is the same malicious wit in poking At that period there was clearly a vogue for travel tales wildly fabulous and fantastic elements: these are Lucian's
he singles out by name the travel writer Iambulus for crii icism. But he also attacks the historians Ctesias and incidentally Herodotus for telling lies in their works. By contrast, he overtly admits that there are fantastic lies in his own travel tale, but claims at least to tell the truth in sayin; that his narrative is false. The ninth-century scholar Photius correctly saw the nature of Lucian's work, but his suggestion that Antonius Diogen ;s' Wonders beyond Thule was an important source of A True History is difficult to assess, partly because of the uncertainty about Diogenes' dates.
Some of Lucian's familiar literary and philosophical pr occupations recur here: there are, for example, sardonic references to Plato and Pythagoras (2. 17, 21, 24), and at greater length he gives us cidence (2. 20) of contemporary interest in Homer and Homeric scholarshi ).
f their bodies are )d condition and
Book I
Those who are interested in athletics and the care c concerned not just with keeping themselves in go well exercised, but with timely relaxation: indeed, t ley regard this as the most important part of training. In the same w ly, I think it does students of literature good, after hard and serious reading, to relax their minds and invigorate them further for future efforts. It would be suitable recreation for them to occupy themselves with the kind of reading which not only affords simple diversion derived from elegance and wit, but also supplies some intellectual food for thought—just the qualities I think they will find in this work of mine. For they will be attracted not only by the exotic subject-matter and the charm of the enterprise, and by the fact that I hi ve told all manner of lies persuasively and plausibly, but because all the details in my narrative are an amusing and covert allusion to certain poets, historians, and philosophers of old, who have written i lot of miraculous and fabulous stuff. I would give their names if tley weren't bound to be obvious to you as you read. For example, there is Ctesias,* son of Ctesiochus, of Cnidos, who wrote about India
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and details of the
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Indians which he had neither seen himself nor heard from any. truthful witness. Iambulus* also wrote a lot about the marvels to be found in the countries of the great sea: he concocted a lie which is obvious to everyone, yet his subject matter is not unattractive. Many others with the same idea have written ostensibly about their journeys and visits abroad, giving accounts of huge creatures and brutal men and strange ways of living. Their leader and teacher in such tomfoolery is Homer's Odysseus, who tells Alcinous* and his court all about captive winds and one-eyed men and cannibals and savages; creatures, too, with many heads, and how his comrades were transformed by drugs. All this was the fantastic stuff with which he beguiled the simple-I, minded Phaeacians. Well, when I read all these writers I didn't blame them greatly for their lying, as I'd already seen that this was habitual even to those professing philosophy. But what did surprise me was that they thought they could report untruths and get away with it. So, as I too was vain enough to want to leave something to posterity, and didn't want to be the only one denied the right to flights of fancy, and since I had nothing truthful to report (not having experienced anything worth recording), I turned to lying. But I am much more honest in this than the others: at least in one respect I shall be truthful, in admitting that I am lying. Thus I think that by freely admitting that nothing I say is true, I can avoid being accused of it by other people. So, I am writing about things I neither saw nor experienced nor heard about from others, which moreover don't exist, and in any case could not exist. My readers must therefore entirely disbelieve them.
I started out once from the Pillars of Heracles, and with a favourable wind I set sail for the Western Ocean. The purpose and the occasion for my journey was intellectual curiosity, eagerness for new experiences, and a wish to learn what was the end of the ocean and who lived beyond it. With this end in view, I put on board a large supply of provisions and a sufficient stock of water, drafted fifty like-minded companions of my own age, procured a hefty supply of arms, hired the best skipper I could for a large fee, and fitted out my boat—she was a small craft—for a long and taxing voyage. Well, we sailed gently before the wind for" a day and a night without getting very far out to sea, and having land still in view; but at dawn on the second day the wind strengthened, the waves increased, darkness descended, and we could no longer even furl our sails. So we gave up and abandoned ourselves to the wind, and were driven before the
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storm for seventy-nine days. On the eightieth day the sun suddenly appeared, and we saw not far away a high, thickly w Doded island, with only moderate breakers sounding around it, as by now the force of the gale was abating.
Having landed and gone ashore, we lay on the ground for a long time to recover from our long ordeal. Then at last we got up, and chose thirty of our group to stay and guard the s lip and twenty to go inland with me and explore the island. We hid gone about six hundred yards from the sea, passing through a wood, when we saw a bronze slab, inscribed with Greek letters, faint and worn away, which stated: 'Heracles and Dionysus came as far as here.' And there were also two footprints on the rock near by, one of them a hundred feet long, the other shorter: I suppose the smaller one was that of Dionysus and the other that of Heracles. We saluted them respectfully and went on, but we hadn't got far when we arrived at a river flowing with wine, which was extremely like Chian. It was wide and full, so that in some places it was even navigable. T his made us much more inclined to believe the inscription on the slab,- as we could see evidence of Dionysus' visit. I decided to find out the source of the river and went up beside its stream. I didn't find one single source, but a lot of large vines full of clusters, each having iy its root a spring of clear wine, and from these the river took its rise, We could also see lots of fish in it, very like wine in colour and taste Indeed, when we had caught and eaten some of them we got tipsy, and when we cut them open we actually found them full of lees. However, we later had the idea of mixing them with other fish, which came from water, and so diluting our alcoholic intake.
Then, having passed over the river where it cculd be forded, we found a most extraordinary kind of grapevine. In each one the trunk itself that came out of the ground was thick and well-grown, but the upper part was a woman, perfectly formed from the waist up: just like the paintings we've seen of Daphne changing into 1 tree when Apollo is about to catch her.* Out of their finger-tips grew branches covered in grapes. Even the hair on their heads was formed of tendrils and leaves and grape-clusters. As we approached they greeted us warmly, some speaking Lydian and some Indian, but most of them Greek. They even kissed our lips, and each one who was kissed immediately became reeling drunk. But they didn't let us pick their fruit, but cried out in pain if we tried to pull it off. Some even wanted to make love to us, and when two of my companions had intercoui se with them, they
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couldn't detach themselves, but were gripped firmly by their genitals, which took root with the woman's so that they grew together. And now branches had grown from their fingers, and they were so 9 covered in tendrils that they too were almost ready to bear fruit. We abandoned them and rushed back to the boat, and having got there we told the men we'd left behind all that had happened, including our companions' love-making with the vines. Then we took some jars and filled them with water as well as with wine from the river, and made our camp there on the beach close by. At dawn we set sail with the help of a moderate breeze.
Around noon when we were now out of sight of the island, a whirlwind suddenly appeared, and spinning the boat around lifted it up to a height of about forty miles and didn't let it down again onto the sea; but while it was hanging up there a wind struck the sails,
10 and filling the canvas drove us forward. For seven days and nights we travelled through the air, and on the eighth day we saw in it an extensive land, seemingly an island, circular and shining bright with a great light. We put in to it, and dropping anchor we disembarked, and exploring it we found the place was inhabited and cultivated. From there we could see nothing by day, but after nightfall a lot of other islands began to appear near by, some quite large and some smaller, and of a fiery colour. There was also another land below us, with cities and rivers on it, and seas and forests and mountains. We assumed that this was our own world.
11 We decided to venture even further inland, but then we encountered what were known locally as Vulture-Cavalry, and they captured us. These are men riding on large vultures and using the birds as horses. The vultures are large and generally have three heads. You can get some idea of their size if I tell you that each of their feathers is longer and thicker than the mast of a large merchantman. These Vulture-Cavalry have orders to fly around the country, and to bring any stranger they find before the king; so naturally they collared us and took us to him. He inspected us, and making a guess from our clothes said, 'So, strangers, you are Greeks?' We admitted we were, and he said, 'Well, how did you f*et here, having so much air to cross over?' We told him everything, and then he began and told us his story: that he too was a human being, named Endymion,* and once while he was sleeping he had been snatched away from our land, and arriving there had been made king of that country. He told us that the land there was what to us below appears as the moon. But he urged us
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the moon—has like this. I once
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not to worry or feel we were in any danger, for all (ur needs would be taken care of. 'And', he went on, 'if I am successful in the war I am now waging against the inhabitants of the sun, you shall spend your lives as happily as you like with me.' We asked who were his enemies and the reason for the dispute, and he replied: 'Phaejhon, the king of the sun's inhabitants—for it is inhabited, just like been making war against us for a long time. It begar collected all the poorest people in my kingdom, wishing to establish a colony on the Morning Star, since it was emptv of inhabitants. Phaethon was envious of this and prevented the colonization, confronting us halfway through the journey with his "Vnt-Cavalry. We were defeated on that occasion, as we couldn't mstch their equipment, and retreated; but now I want to resume the c intest and set up the colony. So, if you wish, join forces with me, and 1 will supply you each with one of the royal vultures, and the rest of your equipment. We shall set out tomorrow.' 'Agreed,' I said, 'since that is your plan.'
So we stayed and had dinner with him, and at dawn we got up and 13 were allotted our stations: for the scouts reported tha t the enemy were near. Our army numbered a hundred thousand, not counting porters, engineers, and the infantry and foreign allies. Of this number eighty thousand were Vulture-Cavalry and twenty thousand were mounted on Cabbage-Wingers. This is a massive bird, which is covered all over thickly with cabbage instead of feathers and has wings much resembling lettuce-leaves. Stationed next to these were the Millet-Shooters and the Garlic-Fighters. Allies also came 13 Endymion from the Great Bear: thirty thousand Flea-Archers and fifty thousand Wind-Runners. The Flea-Archers ride on huge fleas (hence the name), and each flea is as big as twelve elephants. Tie Wind-Runners are infantry, butthey are borne through the air witiout wings. Their method of flight is that they girdle up their long tunics to form folds that fill with wind like sails, and so they are carried along like boats. Generally they serve as light-armed troops in warfare. There was a report too that seventy thousand Sparrow-Acorns and five thousand Crane-Cavalry were to come from the stars over Cappadocia; but as they never arrived I didn't see them, so I've not ve itured to describe their appearance, as amazing and incredible things were said about them.
This was the force that Endymion led. They equipment: helmets made of beans, their beans bei all their scale-armour of lupins (the lupin-hus^s being stitched
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all had the same ng big and tough;
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together to make the armour, and the husk of lupin in their country is as unbreakable as horn); and their shields and swords of Greek 15 design. When it was time, they were deployed as follows: on the right wing were the Vulture-Cavalry and the king, with the crack troops around him (including ourselves); on the left, the Grass-Wingers; in the centre, the allies, in whatever formation they chose. The infantry numbered around sixty million, stationed as follows. Spiders in that region are numerous and very large—each of them much bigger than the Cyclades islands. These were ordered by Endymion to cover with a web the air between the moon and the Morning Star. As soon as they had done this and created a plain, he deployed the infantry on it, under the leadership of Batlet, son of Fairweather, and two others.
Turning to the enemy, on the left were the Ant-Cavalry, and among them Phaethori. These are huge creatures with wings, resembling our ants except in size, as the largest was two hundred feet long. Not only the riders on the ants fought, but the ants themselves too, making particular use of their feelers. There were said to be about fifty thousand of these. On their right were stationed the Sky-Gnats, also numbering around fifty thousand, all of these being archers riding huge gnats. Next to them came the Sky-Dancers, light-armed infantry, but good warriors for all that; for they catapulted enormous radishes at long range, and anyone so struck collapsed immediately and died of a foul-smelling wound. Apparently they smear their missiles with mallow poison. Next to them were stationed ten thousand Stalk-Mushrooms, heavy-armed troops used for close fighting. Their name arises from the fact that they used mushrooms for shields and asparagus stalks for spears. Beside them stood the Dog-Acorns, sent to him by the inhabitants of the Dog Star: these were five thousand dog-faced men, who fight mounted on winged acorns. We were told that Phaethon too had late-arriving allies, slingers whom he had sent for from the Milky Way, and the Cloud-Centaurs. The latter did arrive just when the battle was decided—if only they hadn't; but the slingers never turned up at all, which it is said made Phaethon furious with them afterwards, so that he ravaged their country with fire. 17 Such was the armament Phaethon brought with him. The battle began as soon as the standards were raised and the donkeys on both sides had brayed (donkeys being their trumpeters), and the fight went on. The left wing of the Heliots immediately fled, without even waiting for the charge of the Vulture-Cavalry, and we chased and slaughtered them. But their right wing was too much for our left, and
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the Sky-Gnats advanced in pursuit right up to our infantry. But when these too came to the rescue, they turned and fled, especially when they saw that their left wing had been beaten. The defeat was decisive, many being killed and many taken alive; and so much blood was spilt on the clouds that they seemed as if they were dyed red, as they look to us when the sun is setting. A lot of blood also dripped onto the earth, so that I surmised that something like this must have happened up there long ago, which made Homer suppose that Z :us had caused a rain of blood because of the death of Sarpedon.*
We returned from the pursuit and set up two tropr ies, one on the spider-webs celebrating the infantry battle, and th< other on the clouds for the air battle. We were just in the middb of this when the scouts reported that the Cloud-Centaurs, who should have come before the battle to help Phaethon, were approach: ng. And there they were indeed advancing on us, an extraordinary sight, creatures compounded of men and winged horses. The men vere as large as the Colossus of Rhodes measured from the waist up, and the horses as big as a large merchantman. However, I have not recorded their number, in case no one believes it, it was so enormous. They were led by the Archer from the Zodiac. When they realized that their friends had been defeated, they sent a message to Phaethon to return to the attack, and then putting themselves into formation they fell on the disorganized Selenites, who had abandoned battle-order and scattered in pursuit and to plunder. They routed them all, pursued the king himself to the city, and killed most of his birds. They then tore up his trophies and overran the whole spider-web plain, and they captured me and two of my companions. By now Phaethon too had arrived, and other trophies were being set up in turn by the enemy.
Well, that same day we were taken away to the sun, with our hands tied behind us with lengths of spider-web. The enc my decided not to besiege the city, but as they made their way back they built a wall across the intervening air, to stop the sun's rays reacr ing the moon. It was a double wall and formed of cloud, so that a real eclipse of the moon resulted, and it was covered totally in cortinual darkness. Endymion was distressed by all this, and sent to t eg them to pull down the wall and not to let them live their lives in darkness. He promised to pay tribute, and joining them as allies nc t to make war on them again, saying he was willing to offer hostages is pledges for all this. Phaethon called two assemblies: in the first their anger remained
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implacable; but in the second they changed their minds, and peace was agreed on these terms:
3 On the following conditions the Heliots and their allies have made a
truce with the Selenites and their allies: That the Heliots destroy the dividing wall and do not attack the moon
again, and that they return their prisoners, each for an agreed sum. That the Selenites allow the stars to be self-governing, and do not
bear arms against the Heliots. That each comes to the aid of the other if it is attacked. That each year the king of the Selenites pay as tribute to the king of
the Heliots ten thousand jars of dew, and give.ten thousand of his
people as hostages. That the colony on the Morning Star be established jointly, and
anyone who wishes may join it. That the truce be inscribed on a block of electrum and set up in
mid-air on the boundaries of their territories. Sworn to by Pyronides, Therites, and Phlogios for the Heliots; and
Nyctor, Menios, and Polylampes for the Selenites.
These were the terms of the peace; the wall was at once pulled down, and they handed over us prisoners. When we arrived at the moon, our companions and Endymion himself met us and gave us a tearful welcome. He was anxious that I should stay with him and join in the colony, and as there are no women there, he promised me his own son in marriage. But I refused firmly, and asked him to send me back down to the sea. When he saw that he couldn't persuade me, he sent us back after entertaining us for seven days.
But in the course of my stay on the moon I noticed some strange and remarkable things, of which I want to tell you. Firstly, they are not born of women but of men: they marry men, and they don't even have a word for woman. Up to the age of 25 each acts as a wife, and after that as a husband. They carry their babies not in the belly but in the calf of the leg. After conception, the calf starts swelling, and when the time comes they cut it open and deliver the baby dead. They then bring it to life by holding it up to the wind with its mouth open. My guess is that we Greeks have gdt our word 'belly of the leg'* from there, since among them the calf acts as a belly. And I'll tell you something else even stranger. There is a race of people among them called Tree-men, who are born as follows. They cut a man's right testicle and plant it in the ground. From this grows a very large tree,
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made of flesh and shaped like a phallus, with branch ss and leaves, and fruit in the form of acorns a cubit long. When these are ripe they pick them and shell out the men. These are given artificial genitals, some of ivory, others (in the case of poor people) of wood, and these serve them in having intercourse with their mates.
When a man grows old, he doesn't die but evaporates like smoke. They all have the same food. Having lit a fire they -oast frogs on the coals: they have a lot of frogs flying around in the a:r; and while they are roasting, they sit around as if at a table, greedily inhaling the rising steam, and so feast themselves. This is their food, ind their drink is air, which is squeezed into a cup and condenses like dew. They pass neither urine nor stool, not even having orifices where we have them. And youths offer themselves to their lovers not using the rump, but behind the knee, above the calf, where there is an opening.
They think a man is handsome if he is bald and hairless, and they loathe long-haired people. It is quite the reverse on :he comets, where long-haired men are admired:* some visitors to the moon told us about them. Furthermore, they grow beards just jbove their knees; and they don't have toe-nails, and in fact have only one toe. Each man has a large cabbage growing over his bottom like i tail: it is always green, and doesn't break if he falls over backwards. Their nose mucus is-a very pungent sort of honey; and when they work hard or take exercise they sweat all over with milk, such that they can make cheese from it by adding a few drops of the honey. Th ;y make oil from onions, which is very rich and fragrant, like myrr 1. They also have a lot of water-bearing vines, on which the grape-clusters are like hail-stones; and my theory is that our hailstorms ire caused by the clusters bursting when these vines are roughly sliaken by a wind. They use their belly as a pocket for putting useful tr ings into, as it can be opened and shut again. They don't seem to have bowels there: the belly is just lined all over inside with thick hair, so ihat their children can shelter there when it is cold.
Rich people among them have clothes of pliable glass, while the poor wear woven bronze; for the country there is rich in bronze, which they prepare like wool by soaking it in witer. But when it comes to their eyes, I hesitate to tell you about them I'm lying because my account is so incredible. Still, as well. They have removable eyes, and when they them out and keep them safe until they want to s:e, when they put them back in so they can see. Many of them lose the r own and borrow
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24
25
|, in case you think I will tell you this wish to they take
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others' eyes to see with; and rich people keep a large supply of them; Their ears are formed of plane tree leaves, except for the acorn-men; 26 who are unique in having wooden ones. And here's another strange thing I saw in the royal palace. A large mirror is placed over a welL which isn't very deep, and if you go down into the well you can hear everything that is said amongst us on earth; and if you look into the mirror you can see all the cities and all the countries, as if you were actually standing in each. I too was then able to see my own family and the whole of my country; but I can't tell you for certain whether they saw me too. If anyone doesn't believe all this, he'll know I'm telling
27
the truth should he ever get there himself.
We'll, anyway, we bade the king and his friends a fond farewell, embarked and set off. Endymion also gave me some gifts: two tunics of glass and five of bronze, and a suit of armour made of lupin—all of which I left behind in the whale. He also sent a thousand of the
28 Vulture-Cavalry to escort us for about sixty miles. On our journey we passed by many other countries, and landed on the Morning Star while it was still being colonized, where we disembarked to replenish our water. Putting out again, we headed for the Zodiac, keeping the sun on our left and staying close to the shore. We didn't land there, though my companions were very keen to do so, as the wind was against us. But we saw that the land was flourishing and fertile and well watered, and full of many good things. When they spotted us the Cloud-Centaurs, who were serving with Phaethon, flew on to the ship; but learning that we were allies under treaty they went away.
29 The Vulture-Cavalry had already left us.
Sailing for the following night and day, we arrived around evening at Lamp City, which was already on our downward journey. This city lies in the air between the Pleiades and the Hyades, but much lower than the Zodiac. We landed, but couldn't find any men, only a lot of lamps rushing around, and busy in the square and around the harbour. Some were small and poor-looking, but a few, who were large and powerful, shone very bright and clear. They all have their own separate houses and lamp stands, and they have names like men, and we could hear them speaking. They didn't harm us, but offered us entertainment as their guests. "However, we were afraid, and none of us dared to eat anything or fall asleep. They have a public building in the middle of the city, where their chief magistrate sits throughout the night and summons each of them by name; and anyone who does not answer is condemned to death for deserting his post—death
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could 1
meaning to be extinguished. We attended the what happened, and we heard the lamps defending explaining why they were delayed. There I n and I spoke to him and asked him for news from how everything was there.
We stayed' there that night, and on the following being now close to the clouds. There we also saw and marvelled at it; but the wind didn't allow us king there was said to be Crow, son of Blackbird mind of Aristophanes, a wise and truthful poet quite unreasonably distrusted. Two days later we ocean, but no land anywhere except the territorie these were starting to look exceedingly bright and day about midday, the wind gradually fell and landed on the sea. As soon as we touched the watfer fully pleased and happy, and enjoyed ourselves as jumping overboard for a swim, as the weather v smooth.
But it seems that a turn for the better often worse troubles. We'd been sailing for just two dajj; and the third dawn was breaking, when towards saw a large number of sea-monsters and whales particular, the largest of all, was about one hundred long. He came up on us with gaping mouth, lash surge of foam far in advance of him, and showing than human phalluses, all of them sharp as stakes We embraced and bade one another a last farewfell. no time he was on us, and with one gulp swallo-jved and all. However, he didn't manage to crush us the ship slipped through the gaps into his interior, within him, there was darkness at first and we but presently he opened his mouth and we saw a flat everywhere and high, and big enough to ho Inside it there were small fish lying around, as dismembered creatures, and the sails and anchors human bones and merchandise. In the middle hills on it, which I suppose was the deposit had swallowed. Indeed, a forest of all sorts of and vegetables had sprouted, and everything cultivated. The circuit of the area was about twenty
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hearings and saw themselves and ecogniked our own lamp, hone, and he told me
day we set sail, 1 Zloudcuckoo-city* to land there. The and I was put in whose works are clearly see the in the air, and fiery. On the fourth subsided, and we we felt wonderfully as we could, fine and the sea
formed
trees
coildn
g reat.
30
means the start of s in good weather, east we suddenly One of them in and seventy miles ng up the sea to a teeth much larger and white as ivory, and waited. In us down, ship with his teeth, as When we were 't see anything, hollow cavern, d a populous city. ijvell as many other of boats, and there was land and from the mud he had grown on it, to be carefully seven miles. We
seerled
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1
m
ml
Eli
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A TRUE HISTORY I
could also observe sea-birds, gulls, and kingfishers, nesting on the trees. ■'"„ Then indeed we weptfor a long time; but after a while we made our companions stir themselves, and we shored up our boat, and ourselves rubbed sticks together to make a fire and made a meal with what was available. We had a plentiful supply of all kinds of fish, and there was still the water from the Morning Star. On rising the next morning, whenever the whale opened his mouth we could sometimes see mountains, sometimes only the sky, and often islands; from which we realized that he was rushing quickly in all directions over the sea. When at last we got used to our surroundings, I took seven of my companions and went into the wood, wanting to have a general scout around. I hadn't yet gone a thousand yards when I came upon a temple of Poseidon, as the inscription revealed, and not far away a lot of graves with tombstones on them, near to a spring of clear water. We also heard a dog barking, there was some smoke in the distance, and we guessed that there was a farm-building as well.
So we went on eagerly and came across an old man and a youth working very hard in a garden, which they were irrigating with water from the spring. We stood there with mingled delight and fear; and they too, no doubt with the same feelings, stood there silently. After a while the old man said, 'Who are you, strangers? Are you sea-gods, or just unfortunate men like us? For we are men and bred on the land, but now we have become creatures of the sea and we swim around along with this beast that contains us. We don't even know for certain what is happening to us: we guess we must be dead, but trust we are still alive.' I replied to him: 'We too are men, good sir, newly arrived as we were lately swallowed up, ship and all. We have just now set out, wishing to find out the state of things in the forest; for it seemed very big and dense. But it seems that some god has brought us to see you, and to learn that we aren't the only ones trapped in this beast. But do tell us what's happened to you—who you are and how you came here.' But he said he wouldn't either tell or ask us anything until he had entertained us as best he could; and he took us to the house, which was an ample building, equipped with beds and other furnishings. He served us vegetables and fruit and fish, and poured wine for us as well; and when we had had sufficient he asked us for our story. I told him everything from beginning to end—the storm, the island, the journey through the air, the battle, and everything else up to our descent into the whale.
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my Iialy cei untroubled oit vere
Poseidon
vines
He was utterly amazed, and then in turn he adventures in these words: 'Well, strangers, I am a I set out from my country on a trading trip with see, and many servants as well, and I sailed for cargo on a large ship, which you probably noti whale's mouth. As far as Sicily we had an there we were caught in a violent gale and carried three days, where we encountered the whale and crew and all: the others were killed, and only the t We buried our companions, built a temple to ~ this life, growing vegetables and living on fish andj forest, as you see, and besides it is full of grape very sweet wine. And you may have noticed the sp water. We make our bed from leaves, have plenti birds that fly in here, and catch fresh fish by goingj the beast, where we also have a bath when we a lake not far off, about two and a half miles roundj fish in it, where we swim and sail in a little boat twenty-seven years since we were swallowed up. W up with everything else, but our neighbours extremely surly and unpleasant, being a fierce 'Really?' I said, 'there are other people in the replied, 'and they are unwelcoming and uncouth in western or tail-end of the forest live the Saltfish eyes and crayfish faces: they are quarrelsome, bolcji On one side, by the right-hand wall, are the S like men in their upper halves and lizards in their less wicked than the others. On the left are the Tunnyheads, who have a friendly alliance with interior dwell the Crabs and the Solefeet, a fast runners. The eastern area, near the whale's| uninhabited, being washed over by the sea. But I " Solefeet an annual rent of five hundred oysters nature of the land, and you must consider how all these tribes and how we can survive.' 'Ho altogether?' I asked. 'More than a thousand,' weapons do they have?' 'Only fish-bones,' he re plan,' I said, 'would be to meet them in battle, and we are armed. If we win, we shall live here in our lives.'
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told us his own 34 [Cypriot by birth, son, whom you with a mixed wrecked in the voyage; but to the ocean for swallowed up \vo of us survived, and now live fruit. It's a large which yield a J-ing of lovely cold "ul fires, hunt the out to the gills of t to. There is also , with all kinds of I built. It is now fe can perhaps put 35 around us are unsociable lot.' 'Yes, lots,' he [appearance. In the with their eel's , and flesh-eating.
■Satyrs, who are ower: but they are Urabclaws and the jach other. In the race and very mouth, is mainly here, paying the Well, that is the 36 are going to fight ■ many are there said. 'And what Then the best they are unarmed ]j)eace for the rest of
living and while?
tribe
warlike
live
we
he
pled
since
60
A TRUE HISTORY I
This was agreed, and we went back to the boat to make our preparations. The pretext for the war was to be non-payment of the tribute, and the appointed date had now arrived. So, when they sent and demanded it, he gave the messengers a disdainful reply and sent them packing. Then first of all the Solefeet and the Crabs, furious with Scintharus—that was his name—arrived with a tremendous
37 uproar. But we expected the attack and were waiting for them fully armed, having posted an ambush of twenty-five men. The ambush had been ordered to fall on the enemy when they saw them go past, and they did so. Falling on them from behind they cut them down, while we ourselves, being twenty-five in number (Scintharus and his son having joined our force), encountered them head on, and risked the engagement with strength and spirit. At length we routed them and chased them right to their lairs. One hundred and seventy of the enemy were killed; off our side only one, the helmsman, who was
38 pierced through the back with a mullet's rib. During that day and night we camped on the battlefield, and set up a trophy made of the dried spine of a dolphin. On the next day the others arrived, having heard what had happened. The Saltfish were on the right wing, led by Pelamys, with the Tunnyheads on the left and the Crabclaws in the middle. The Sea-Satyrs did not engage, as they weren't willing to join either side. We advanced to meet them, and closed with them shouting loudly by the temple of Poseidon, so that the whale echoed like a cave. We routed them, as they were lightly armed, and chased them into the forest, and thereafter we were masters of the country.
39 Shortly afterwards they sent heralds, wishing to collect their dead and treat for peace, but we weren't prepared to come to terms. In fact, on the next day we set out against them and completely wiped them out, all except the Sea-Satyrs, who, when they saw what was happening, rushed away through the gills and threw themselves into the sea. Then we wandered over the country, now free of our enemies, and lived there untroubled from then on. For the most part we occupied ourselves in exercising, in hunting, in cultivating vines, and in gathering fruit from the trees; and, in short, we were like people who live in'luxury and are free to roam around in a large prison they cannot escape from.
40 Such was our way of life for a year and eight months; but on day five of the ninth month, around the second mouth-opening (for the whale did this once every hour, so we could tell the time by his openings), around the second opening, as I said, loud shouts and
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A TRUE HISTORY I
uproar could suddenly be heard, and what sounded like boatswains' calls and the beating of oars. Full of excitement we 1 :rept right up to the mouth of the beast, and standing inside his teeth we saw the most astonishing sight I've ever beheld: enormous men, 1 hundred yards tall, sailing on enormous islands as though on triremes. I know no one will believe what I'm going to report, but I'll say it anyway. The islands were long but not very high, about fourteen miles in circuit; and on each of them were sailing about a hundred an i twenty of those men. Some of these were sitting in a row along each side of the island, rowing with oars made of enormous cypress trees, 1 iot even stripped of their branches and leaves. On the stern, so to speak, stood the helmsman on a high hill, gripping a bronze tiller 1 thousand yards long. On the prow were about forty warriors fully ai med, like men in all respects except for their hair, which was blazing fl lines, so they had no need of helmets. Instead of sails, the wind struck the forest—there was a dense one on each island—filled it like a sail, i:nd so carried the island wherever the helmsman wished. They had a boatswain appointed to keep time for the oarsmen, as they mo\ ed on swiftly, like warships.
At first we could see only two or three, but later ;bout six hundred 41 appeared, which took up their positions for action and began a sea-fight. Many dashed together prow to prow, and m;my were rammed and sank. Some grappled one another, fought fiercely, and weren't easily separated; for the men stationed on the utmost zeal in boarding and slaughtering, and Instead of grappling-irons they threw huge octopus: with lines, which caught on to the wood and so f rmly gripped the
prow showed the jgave no quarter. :s, linked together
island. They struck and inflicted wounds using waggons and hundred-foot sponges. One side was led by Flashing- 42 centaur, and the other by Seadrinker, and the fight apparently arose from an act of plunder: Seadrinker was alleged many herds of dolphins belonging to Flashingcentaur. We gathered this from hearing them accusing one another and calling the names of their kings. At length Flashingcentaur's side won hundred and fifty of their enemy's islands, capturing three others with their crews. The rest backed water and fled. They pursued them for a while, but as evening came on they turned t ack to the wrecks, taking possession of most of the enemy's, and reepvering their own: for not less than eighty of their islands had sunk.
trophy of the island-fight by staking one of the enmy's islands on to
217
oysters as big as
They also set up a
A TRUE HISTORY I
JSCseemed ,0 be viCK"-h'™-Tta - iTS^S
218
A TRUE HISTORY Book II
After this I could no longer bear life in the whale; I was oppressed by the long continuance there, and I began to look for a vay out of it. First we decided to dig our way through the right side i nd so escape, and we made a start on cutting through it. But when we had got about a thousand yards without achieving anything, we abandoned the tunnel and decided to set the forest on fire, as that wculd cause the whale to die and thus make our escape easy. So, we started by setting fire to the tail end. For seven days and nights he seemed insensible to the blaze, but on the eighth and ninth we realized that he was suffering: he yawned more listlessly, and whenever he did so he shut his mouth again quickly. By the tenth and eleventh days he was dying and smelling foul. On the twelfth we realized just in t me that if his teeth weren't propped open when he yawned, so as not to close again, we would be in danger of being shut up in the corpse and perishing too. So we wedged his mouth open with some large beams, and got our boat near by, storing on it all the water we co lid and other supplies. Scintharus was to be our helmsman.
Next day the whale finally died, and dragging the boat up we brought it through the gaps, lashed it to the teeth, and gentry lowered it onto the sea. Then we climbed onto the whale's back, sacrificed to Poseidon there by the trophy, and camped for three days as there was no wind. On the fourth day we set sail, whereupon w e encountered and grounded on many of the corpses from the sea-figl t, and we were flabbergasted when-we measured the bodies. For a few days we sailed with a mild breeze, but then a strong northerly blew up and it got very cold. This caused the whole sea to freeze, not just on :he surface but to a depth of three hundred fathoms, so that we coul 1 jump off and run around on the ice. As the wind persisted and we couldn't bear it, we contrived the following—the idea was Scintharis'. We dug a very big cave in the water and stayed in it for thirty da) s, keeping up a fire, and eating fish which we found by digging them up. When our supplies gave out we emerged, pulled up the boat, which had stuck fast, spread the sail, and were carried along, gliding over the ice as smoothly and easily as if we were sailing. On the fifth c ay it got warm, the ice dissolved and all was water again.
219
I
i
A TRUE HISTORY II
3     So we sailed for about thirty-four miles, until we put in to a small deserted island, where we took on water, as we had now run out, and shot two wild bulls, and then sailed on. These bulls have horns not on their heads, but under their eyes, as Momus* suggested. After a short while we came to a sea of milk, instead of water, and a white island appeared in it, full of vines. The island was composed of a huge cheese, as we learned later by eating it, and it was about three miles in circuit. And the vines were covered in grapes, but when we squeezed and drank them, it wasn't wine but milk. In the middle of the island a temple had been built to the Nereid Galatea,* as the inscription revealed. So for as long as we stayed there the earth provided us with meat and bread, and our drink was the milk from the grapes. The ruler of this region was said to be Tyro, daughter of Salmoneus, who received this honour from Poseidon after her death. ^    We stayed on the island for five days, and left on the sixth, carried by a breeze over a gentle swell. By the eighth day we were no longer sailing in milk, but in blue salt water, and we could see a host of men running over the sea. They were like us in every respect of shape and size except in their feet, which were made of cork, which I suppose accounted for their name Corkfeet. We were astonished to see them not sinking, but travelling about confidently on the top of the waves. Some of them approached us and greeted us in Greek, saying that they were making for their native Corkland. For a while they journeyed with us, running alongside, and then they turned off and continued their journey, wishing us a good trip.
After a while a lot of islands appeared, close on the left being Corkland, where the men were going, a city built on a huge round cork. Further off and more to the right were five very large and tall islands with fires blazing up extensively from them. Straight ahead was a flat low-lying one, not less than fifty-seven miles off. When we got near it, a marvellously sweet and fragrant breeze blew around us, like the one the historian Herodotus tells us breathes from Arabia the blessed. The sweetness we experienced was like the scent from roses and narcissi and hyacinths and lilies and violets, yes and myrrh and bay and vine-flowers. Enjoying the fragrance and hoping for a successful outcome of our wearisome troubles, we gradually approached the island. There we saw many large harbours all around it, sheltered from the waves, and clear rivers flowing gently into the sea; and meadows too and woods and tuneful birds, some singing on the shores, and many of them in the branches. The air which bathed
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A TRUE HISTORY II
the place was pure and fresh, and sweetly blowing breezes stirred the woods gently, so that the swaying branches gave out a constant delightful whistling, like flutes in a lonely place. We co uld also hear a continuous mingled sound, not clamorous, but like the sort you hear at a party, when some are playing the pipe, others praising the pipers, and others beating time to pipe or lyre. Charmed by all this we put in, 6 moored our boat and disembarked, leaving Scintharus and two companions on board. Making our way through a flowed ig meadow we met guards on patrol, who bound us with rose-garla: ids (this being their strongest fetter), and took us to their chief. On th 5 way we learnt from them that this was called the Isle of the Blest, and its ruler was the Cretan Rhadamanthus.* When we were brought to him we found . ourselves standing fourth in a queue awaiting judgment. The first 7 case to be heard was Ajax, son of Telamon,* to decide whether it was right for him to associate with the heroes or not: the charge against him was that he had killed himself in a fit of madness, .n the end, after much evidence had been heard, Rhadamanthus deer 5ed that for the time being he should be put under the care of Hippoc rates, the doctor from Cos, for a dose of hellebore,* and after he was sane again he could join the convivial table. The second judgment dealt with a love-affair, ! Theseus and Menelaus disputing over Helen to decide which of them should have her to live with. Rhadamanthus decided she should be with Menelaus, since he had endured so much toil and danger for the sake of his marriage. Moreover, Theseus had ether wives—the Amazon and the daughters of Minos.* The third case concerned the question of precedence between Alexander, son of Philip, and Hannibal the Carthaginian; and Alexander was judged to be ahead of Hannibal, so his chair was placed next to Cyrus the elder of Persia. We were presented as the fourth case. He asked us vhat we meant by stepping on holy ground while still alive, and we told him the whole of our story. He had us removed for quite a while, so he could consider and consult his colleagues about us. There were many of these colleagues, including the Athenian Aristides the Ju;t.* When he had arrived at his verdict, the sentence was that we should stand trial after death for our meddlesomeness and roaming ai ound; but for the present we could stay for a fixed period on the islan d and share in the lives of the heroes, after which we had to leave. The r fixed the term of our stay at not more than seven months.
At that point our garlands fell off of their own accord, and we were freed and taken into the city and to the hall of the Blessed. The city
221
13
14
A TRUE HISTORY II
itself is made entirely of gold, and there is an emerald wall surrounding it. There are seven gates, all made of single cinnamon-trunks. The foundations of the city and the ground area within the walls are ivory. Then there are temples of all the gods built of beryl, which contain huge monolithic altars of amethyst on which they offer sacrifices. Around the city flows a river of the finest myrrh, a hundred royal cubits wide and five deep, so you can easily swim in it. They have large bathhouses of glass, heated by burning cinnamon; but instead of water in the tubs there is hot dew. Their clothes consist of fine purple spider's webs. They themselves don't have bodies, but are without flesh and intangible: all you see is a semblance of shape; yet though disembodied they are substantial and they move and think and speak. In short, it seems as though their naked souls go around clad in a likeness of a body. Indeed, if you didn't touch them you couldn't prove that what you "saw wasn't a body: they are like upright shadows, though not black. No one grows old, but stays the same age he was when he arrived there. Furthermore, there is no night there, nor is day very bright; but the country is covered with a light which is like the greyness towards dawn before the sun has risen. Again, they know only one season of the year; for they have an eternal spring, and the only wind that blows there is the west wind. The country is blooming with all sorts of flowers and cultivated plants, which also give them shade. Their vines give them twelve vintages, yielding a harvest every month; while they said their pomegranates, apples, and other fruit-trees produced thirteen times annually, as they bear twice in one month which is called Minoan.* Instead of wheat the corn-stalks produce ready-baked loaves at their tips, which look like mushrooms. Around the city there are three hundred and sixty-five springs of water, as many again of honey, five hundred of myrrh, though these are smaller, seven rivers of milk and eight of wine.
Their dining area is prepared outside the city in the so-called Elysian Plain, which is a lovely meadow, surrounded by dense trees of all sorts to give shade to the diners. Their couches are made of flowers, and winds wait on them and serve them, except for pouring the wine. They don't need this service, as there are tall glass trees around the table made of the clearest crystal, and their fruit consists of cups of all shapes and sizes. So when anyone comes to the table he picks one or two of the cups and puts them beside him: they are immediately filled with wine, and so they have their drink. Instead of garlands, nightingales and other song-birds pick flowers with their
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beaks from the neighbouring meadows and drop them like snow on the party, as they fly overhead singing. Moreover, perf lme is supplied by thick clouds, which draw up myrrh from the springs and the river, and hanging over the table produce a light rain like dew under gentle pressure from the winds.
While eating they indulge themselves with mtsic and songs, especially singing the epics of Homer. He too is there in person, sharing the feast and reclining in the place above Odysseus. They have choruses of boys and girls, who are conducted and iccompanied by Eunomus of Locris, Arion of Lesbos, Anacreon, and Stesichorus*— I did actually see the last named there, as he had b^ now made his peace with Helen. When these have finished singing another chorus appears, consisting of swans and swallows and nightii igales, and while they are singing the whole wood accompanies them 1 sd by the winds. But the biggest contribution to their good cheer is arovided by two springs near the table, one of laughter and one of delight. At the start of the festivities they all drink from both of these, and proceed to enjoy themselves with constant laughter.
But I want to tell you what famous men I saw there, who included all the demigods and the men who fought at Troy, except Ajax of Locris:* he alone, they said, was being punished in the place of the ungodly. The foreigners included both Cyruses and the Scythian Anacharsis, the Thracian Zamolxis and the Italian B» uma. Then there were Lycurgus of Sparta, Phocion and Tellos of Athens, and the sages except for Periander. I also saw Socrates, son of Sophroniscus, arguing with Nestor and Palamedes, and surrounded by Hyacinthus the Spartan, Narcissus of Thespiae, and Hylas* and other handsome lads. He seemed to me to be in love with Hyacinthus:: t any rate he spent most of his time refuting him. The story went that Rhadamanthus was annoyed with Socrates, and had often threatened to banish him from the island if he kept on talking rubbish, and didn't give up his argumentative irony and enjoy himself. Plato abne was missing: allegedly he was living in his imaginary city under the constitution and the laws he drew up himself.* Aristippus and Epicurus* were the most popular there as pleasant and charming drii iking-companions. Aesop the Phrygian* was there too, and they treat him as their jester.
And even Diogenes of Sinope had altered in char icter so much that
j-i----j
15
16
17
he had married the courtesan Lais,* and he often and misbehaved himself when he was drunk. Nonl
ll I I VJ. 11UJUV»"»>™------- -----
there: they were said to be still climbing the steep hill of virtue*
223
got up and danced e of the Stoics was
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A TRUE HISTORY II
Chrysippus, so we heard, is forbidden to set foot on the island until he has taken a fourth dose of hellebore.* They said the Academicians wanted to come, but they were still hesitating and thinking about it, because they couldn't even decide whether such an island actually existed. Anyway, I imagine they were afraid to be judged by Rhadamanthus, as they themselves had abolished standards of judgment. Though it was said that many of them had set out to follow those who were coming, but through slowness they couldn't keep up, and so fell behind and turned back halfway.
These were the most noteworthy of the company. They honour Achilles in particular, and next to him Theseus. Their attitude to sexual pleasure and intercourse is such that they make love openly and in full view of everyone, male and female, and think there is nothing to be ashamed of in this. Socrates alone used to swear that his association with young people was quite innocent, but everyone judged him guilty of perjury. Indeed, Hyacinthus and Narcissus often gave the game away, but he went on denying the charge. They all have their women in common, and no one is jealous of his neighbour: in this respect they are the most Platonic of the Platonists. And boys offer themselves without argument to anyone who wants them.
Two or three days had scarcely passed before I went up to the poet Homer, both of us being at leisure, and asked him lots of questions: in particular where he came from, telling him that this was still a topic of the keenest interest at home.* He replied that he was perfectly aware that some people thought he came from Chios, others thought Smyrna and many thought Colophon. In fact, he said, he was from Babylon, and among the people there he was called not Homer, but Tigranes. Later, when he was a hostage among the Greeks, he had changed his name.* I went on to ask him if he had written the lines the grammarians had rejected, and he said they were all his own. So that made me accuse the grammarians Zenodotus and Aristarchus* of arrant pedantry. Since he had satisfied me on these questions, I asked him next why he had begun the poem with the wrath of Achilles, to which he said there was no deliberate purpose, and it had just come to him like that. Again, I was anxious to know whether he had written the Odyssey before th&'Iliad, as many claim, and he said he had not. I realized at once that he was not blind, which is also said about him: he was obviously using his eyes, so there was no need to ask. Often at other times I would do this if I saw him at leisure: I would go up and ask him something, and he willingly answered
224
and tirdy
the the
thir gs who
add
Act
A TRUE HISTORY II
every question, especially after the lawsuit, which hej had been brought against him by Thersites* for ridi poem, and Homer had won the case, with Odyss lawyer.
During this period Pythagoras of Samos also arr seven transformations and lived in seven bodies the cycles of his soul. His right side was enti was judged fit to join their community, but the whether he should be called Pythagoras or ~ also arrived, burnt all over and his body thoroughly was not admitted though he pleaded very strongly.
In the course of time their games took place, Dead. They were presided over by Achilles for Theseus for the seventh. It would be tedious to happened, but I'll mention the most interesting was won by Caranus,* a descendant of Heracles, for the victory wreath. The boxing was a draw in Areius the Egyptian, who is buried in Corinth, combined boxing and wrestling they gave no prizes who won the footrace. In poetry Homer was in performer, but Hesiod won the prize.* Every p woven with peacock feathers.
The contests were scarcely over, when there w; who were being punished in the place of the ungodl|y bonds, overpowered their guards, and were maki They were led by Phalaris of Acragas, Busiris of of Thrace, and Sciron and Pityocamptes.* On manthus drew up the heroes on the beach, of Theseus, Achilles, and Ajax, son of Telamon, recovered his senses. They clashed in battle an<| Achilles was chiefly responsible for the victory, ' right wing also distinguished himself—rather fought at Delium as a living man. He stood unchanged expression when attacked by four of this he was later given a special mead of honour, a the suburbs, where he used to invite his friends He named the place the Academy of the Dead were seized and bound and sent away for still ment. Homer wrote an account of this battle leaving he gave me the book to take back to our
225
won. A libel suit ;uling him in the ;us acting as his
ved. He had had had now ended of gold* He qiestion remained Euphoibus. Empedocles roasted,* but he
Festival of the fifth time, and tell you all that ;. The wrestling beat Odysseus a match between Epeius* In the I can't remember much the best ize was a crown
news that those 23 had broken their g for the island. Egypt, Diomedes this Rhada-the command who by now had the heroes won. Socrates on the than when he his ground with enemy; and for Jovely large park in debate with him. |The defeated side 24 severe punish-and when I was at home; but I
hearing under
but mare
the
nmre too,
pepple
25
A TRUE HISTORY II
lost it afterwards along with everything else. This was the opening of the poem:
Sing to me now of the battle, O Muse, which was fought by the shades" of the heroes*
Well, they then boiled beans, as they usually do when they have won a battle, and had a feast and a long holiday to celebrate the victory. Pythagoras alone did not take part in it: he sat apart without eating, because he loathed beans.*
And so six months passed, and around the middle of the seventh a serious disturbance occurred. Cinyras, Scintharus' son, a tall, good-looking fellow, had long been in love with Helen, and it was quite obvious that she too was absolutely smitten with the lad. So, they often used to exchange glances at meals and toast one another, and they would get up together and wander about the wood on their own. And so it happened that Cinyras was driven by passion and despair to plan to carry Helen off—with her full agreement—and depart to one of the outlying islands, either Corkland or Cheese Island. They had long since recruited three of my boldest companions as accomplices, but Cinyras did not tell his father, as he knew he would try to stop him. Having decided on their plan they carried it out. When it got dark (I wasn't around, as I happened to have fallen asleep at dinner), unnoticed by the others they took Helen with them
26 and set sail with all haste. About midnight Menelaus woke up, and realizing that his wife was not in bed, he raised the alarm, and taking his brother with him went to King Rhadamanthus. As day was breaking the look-outs reported that the ship was visible far out to sea; so Rhadamanthus put fifty of the heroes on board a ship made of a single trunk of asphodel with orders to pursue it. By rowing energetically they caught them up about noon, just as they were approaching the milky part of the ocean near to Cheese Island—so nearly did they escape. They secured the boat with a cable of roses and sailed back. Helen wept and hid her face in shame. Rhadamanthus first asked Cinyras and his associates if they had any other accomplices, and when they said no, he had them bound by their genitals and sent off to
27 the place of the ungodly, after first being whipped with mallow. It was also voted that we should be dismissed from the island before our time was up, being allowed to remain for one more day.
Then indeed I began to weep and wail at the thought of leaving such blessings and renewing my wanderings. But they consoled me by
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saying that in a few years I would come back to their, and they could
--j---0 --------- _
already show me my future chair and couch next :o the most distinguished company. And I went to Rhadamanthus and begged him earnestly to tell me about my future, and to indicate the course of my voyage. He said I would come to my native wanderings and dangers, but he wouldn't tell me the my return. However, he pointed to the islands near by—there were five clearly visible and a sixth further off—and told me that the five nearer ones were the islands of the ungodly. 'You can see', he said, 'a lot of smoke rising from them; the sixth one over of Dreams. Beyond that is Calypso's island,* it yet. After you have sailed past these, you will continent opposite to the one where your people many adventures and travelling through different
there is the City bit you can't see come to the great
live. Then, after illations and living
among hostile men, you will come at last to the other continent.'
Saying this, he picked up a mallow-root from thej it to me, telling me to pray to it at times of extr
ground and gave ejme peril. And he
ureed me if ever I reached this country not to s ir the fire with a
sword* nor to eat lupins, nor to make love to a
I remembered these things I could hope to come bsjck to the island So I then prepared for the voyage, and when the
a feast with them. Next day I went to the poet HoiW and asked him
*      i 1      1     J   J___T
to compose me an epigram in two lines, and when carved it on a block of beryl which I set up near thj: follows:
Dear to the blessed gods did Lucian here sujrvey All things, and then returning homeward m^de his way*
That day too I remained, and on the following escort of heroes. It was then that Odysseus cane to Penelope, and gave me a letter to take to Calyps
(AS j- VliVlUjjVj   ith : in. ■ —__
Ogygia. Rhadamanthus sent the pilot Nauplius with me, so that if we put in at the islands, no one would seize us, as h< could explain that we were sailing on other business.
When we had progressed beyond the sweet-sr idling air, we were suddenly greeted by a foul odour, as of asphalt and brimstone and pitch all burning together, and vile and intc lerable fumes as of roasting human flesh. The air was thick and murky, dripped out of it; and we could hear the cracjt
28
youth over 18: if
time came I shared
he had done this I harbour. It ran as
put to sea with an to me unknown o on the island of
29
wailing of many people. We did not put in to the other islands, but
227
and a pitchy dew of whips and the
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A TRUE HISTORY II
the one we landed on was surrounded by sheer cliffs; the ground was hard, rugged and stony; and there were no trees nor water. Still, we managed to crawl up the cliffs, and went along a path full of brambles and sharp stakes, the whole being hideous to look at. Then we came to the enclosure and the place of punishment, and the first thing that astonished us was the nature of the spot. The ground itself was bristling with swords and sharp stakes, and three rivers flowed around it, one of mud, the second of blood, and the innermost one of fire. This last was very wide and impassable; it ran like water and had billows like the sea, and it was full of fish, some resembling torches, and others, which were smaller, like live coals: they were called lampfish.
31 There was one narrow path leading in by all the rivers, and the warder on duty was Timon of Athens.* But we managed to get past, and with Nauplius as our guide we saw many kings being punished, and many ordinary people too, some of whom we recognized. We saw Cinyras hanging by his genitals over a slow fire. The guides told us about the lives of each one and the crimes for which they were being punished, and the severest penalties awaited those who had written falsehoods—these included Ctesias of Cnidos and Herodotus and many others. Seeing them I had good hopes for the future, for I have
32 never knowingly told a lie. Well, I quickly turned back to the ship, for I couldn't bear the sight of this, and bidding farewell to Nauplius I sailed away.
In a short while the Island of Dreams appeared close to us, though it was dim and hard to make out. It was itself somewhat like a dream, for as we drew near it withdrew and receded and seemed to move further and further off. But at last we got to it, and sailing into the harbour called Sleep, we landed in the late afternoon near the ivory gates, where the sanctuary of the Cock is; and we proceeded into the city, where we saw many dreams of various sorts. But I want to tell you first about the city, since nobody else has described it, and the
33 only one even to mention it, Homer, hasn't given full details.* It is surrounded on all sides by a wood, the trees consisting of tall poppies and mandrakes, in which dwell large numbers of bats, the only flying creature in the island. Near by a river flows which they call Sleepwalker, and there are two springs by the gates, called Unwaking and Nightlong. The city wall is high and multi-coloured, very like a rainbow to look at, and it has four gates in it, not two as Homer says. Two of these look towards the Plain of Stupor, one made of iron and
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the other earthenware: it is through these they ssy that terrifying, murderous, and cruel dreams go forth. The other two face the harbour and the sea, one of which is of horn, and the 0 ther, by which we came in, of ivory. On the right as you enter the city is the temple of Night; for the gods they worship are mainly Night ;:nd the Cock, and he has a sanctuary near the harbour. On the left is the palace of Sleep. He is their ruler, and he has appointed two vicercys or lieutenants, Nightmare, son of Meaningless, and Rich'sounding, son of Fantasy. In the middle of the market square is a spring, called Heavyhead, and near by are two temples, one of Falsehood and one of Truth. There also is their innermost shrine and oracle, presided o' 'er by the prophet Antiphon,* who interprets the dreams, being appo: nted to this office by Sleep. The dreams themselves had no fixed nature or appearance: some being tall, good-looking, and well-shaped, others short and ugly; and some seemed made of gold, and others hi imble and shabby. Among them too there were some with wings, some monstrous, and others equipped as if for a pageant, dressed up as kings and gods, and so on. Many of these we even recognized, haviig seen them long ago among us: indeed, they came up to us and greeted us like old friends, and taking charge of us they put us to slee p, and entertained us very lavishly and kindly. It was a splendid reception, including a promise to make us kings and viceroys. Some even took us off to our homelands to show us our friends, returning the same day. We stayed there for thirty days and thirty nights, enjo) ing our long sleep enormously. Then suddenly a great clap of thunder woke us, and we jumped up, laid in supplies, and sailed off.
On the third day after that we arrived at the island of Ogygia and disembarked. But I previously opened the letter ind read the contents, which ran as follows: 'Odysseus greets Calypso. I want you to know that as soon as I had built the raft and sailed away from you I was shipwrecked, but with the help of Leucothes I just managed to get safely to the land of the Phaeaceans. They gave me an escort home, where I found a lot of men courting my wife and living it up in our home. I slew them all, but was myself later k lied by Telegonus my son by Circe; and now I am in the Island of the Blessed, bitterly regretting having given up my life with you and your offer of immortality. So if I get the opportunity, I shall rur away and come to you.' Apart from this the letter asked her to look a iter us. I went up a short way from the sea and found the cave, just a:; Homer described it,* and Calypso herself, spinning wool. She took the letter and read
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it, and first wept bitterly, but then she invited us in hospitably and gave us a lavish meal. She asked us about Odysseus and Penelope, what she looked like, and whether she had good sense, as Odysseus long ago boasted of her. We gave her the sort of answers we thought would cheer her up.
Then we went back to the ship and slept near to it on the shore. At dawn we put out as the wind was rising, we were driven by a storm for two days, and on the third we fell in with the Pumpkin-pirates. These are fierce men from the islands near by, who prey on passing sailors. Their boats are large pumpkins, sixty cubits long: they take a dried pumpkin, hollow it out and remove the pith, and then sail in it, using reeds for masts and a pumpkin-leaf for a sail. They attacked and fought us with two crews, and wounded many of us by shooting pumpkin-seeds at us. For some time the battle was even, then around midday we saw the Nut-sailors coming up behind the Pumpkin-pirates. They were hostile to each other, as became clear; for when the Pumpkin-pirates saw them coming, they forgot about us and turned
38 round to engage with them. Meanwhile, we hoisted sail and made off, leaving them fighting; and it was obvious that the Nut-sailors would win, as there were more of them—they had five crews—and they were fighting from stronger boats. Their ships were empty half-nutshells, each fifteen fathoms long.
When we were out of sight of them, we dressed our wounded, and after that we generally kept under arms, constantly expecting to
39 be attacked, and not without reason. The sun hadn't set when we were assailed from a deserted island by about twenty men riding on enormous dolphins, and these were pirates too. The dolphins carried them safely, leaping up and neighing like horses. As they approached us they separated into two groups, shooting at us from both sides with dried cuttlefish and crabs' eyes. But we returned fire with spears and arrows, which they couldn't withstand, and most of them were wounded and fled back to the island.
About midnight there was a calm, and we unexpectedly ran on to a huge halcyon's nest: it was actually almost seven miles in circuit. The bird was floating on it, warming her eggs, herself not much smaller than the nest; and indeed as she flew up she almost sank the ship with the gust from her wings. Anyway, she flew off with a mournful cry. We landed as day was breaking, and noticed that the nest was like a very large raft made of huge trees. In it were five hundred eggs, each larger than a jar of Chian wine, and we could
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:norhenon
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already see chicks inside, and hear them chirping. We cut open one of the eggs with axes and took out the unfledged chick it was bigger than twenty vultures.
We left the nest and sailed on for about twenty some truly remarkable portents occurred to us. Our figure suddenly flapped its wings and gave a cackle Scintharus, bald up to now, grew a shock of hair, and of all, the ship's mast put forth buds and branches its top—figs and black grapes, not yet ripe. Seeing felt very agitated, and the strangeness of the phe offer a prayer to the gods. Before we had gone on our course we saw a large, dense forest of pines supposed it was land, but it was actually a bottoml over with rootless trees, though the trees still stood motionless, as though floating. As we drew near whole picture, it was difficult to decide what to do: between the trees, they were so closely massed tog seem feasible to turn back. I climbed the tallest tree t< > were like on the other side, and I could see that the " five or six miles or a bit more, and that another ocean we decided to lift the boat on to the tree-tops, whichj see if we could carry it over to the sea on the managed to do. We attached a strong cable to it, trees dragged it up with a great effort, set it on spreading our sails we sailed along as if on the sea, force of the wind. At that point I thought of thaj Antimachus, who says somewhere:
And as they thus their woodland voyage p irsued* However, we managed to force our way through the wood and got 43
42
:e miles, when 41 stern-post goose our helmsman Jnost incredible bore fruit at we naturally made us miles further cypresses. We ss sea, planted up straight and grasped the Iwe couldn't sail jether nor did it see what things extended for (lay beyond it. So were dense, and side. This we climbing the branches, and propelled by the line of the poet
forest
other ;.nd t le
boat again, and to a great chasm often see in the
to the water. There in the same way we lowered the sailed on through clear, pure water until we came caused by the parting of the water, like the cracks we 1 earth caused by earthquakes. We furled our sails, but the boat was slow to halt, and was very nearly swept into the chasm. Peering over we saw a gulf about a hundred and fifteen rri" frightful and incredible sight: the water stood there as if split in two! But as we stared around, we saw not very far away tD the right a bridge constructed of water, which linked the surfaces of the two seas, flowing from one to the other. So we rowed hard
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that point, and by a great effort made the crossing, though we never thought we'd do it.
44 After that we came to a smooth sea, and a smallish island, easy of access and inhabited; but the men who dwelt there were savages, the Bullheads, with horns that make them like portrayals we see of the Minotaur. We disembarked and went inland to look for food and water, if we could, as we had run out. We found water close by, but nothing else was to be seen, though we could hear a loud bellowing not far away. We thought it was a herd of cattle, and going forward a short way we came upon these men. When they saw us, they chased us and captured three of my companions, while the rest of us fled back to the sea. But then we all armed ourselves—for we couldn't let our friends go unavenged—and fell on the Bullheads while they were sharing out the flesh of their victims. We routed them all and pursued them, killing about fifty and capturing two, and then returned again with our prisoners. Still, we didn't find any food, so the others urged killing the captives; but I disagreed and kept them under close guard, until an embassy came from the Bullheads, asking for their return on payment of a ransom. We could understand them by the signs they made, and the way they pleaded by plaintive bellowing. The ransom consisted of several cheeses, dried fish, onions, and four deer: these had three feet each, two behind and one in front formed of two grown together. For this payment we gave back the prisoners, and after staying there one more day we set sail.
45 By now we were beginning to see fish, there were birds flying around, and other signs were appearing that we were near to land. In a short time we saw men too, who were engaged in a strange form of sailing, seeing that they were both the boatmen and the boats. I'll tell you how this worked. They lie on their backs on the water, and erecting their organs—which are very large—they spread sails on them, holding the sheets in their hands, and as soon as the wind strikes them away they sail. Others followed them, sitting on corks, and harnessing a pair of dolphins, which they drove with reins, so as they moved along they pulled the corks with them. These did us no harm, nor did they try to avoid us, but drove along unconcerned and peacefully, wondering at the style of our boat and examining it carefully from every side.
46 In the evening we arrived at a smallish island, inhabited by women (as we thought) who spoke Greek. They came up to us and welcomed us warmly, all of them young and pretty and dressed much like
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courtesans with long robes that swept the ground. The island was called Mischief Island and its city Wantontown. Ej ch of the women took one of us home to be her guest; but I had foreb )dings and stayed behind for a while, and when I looked around more carefully I saw a lot of human bones and skulls lying about. I decid :d against raising an outcry to summon my friends and arm ourselves; but I got out my mallow and prayed fervently to it that I might escape the danger threatening me. A little later, when my hostess was looking after me, I noticed that she didn't have a woman's legs but the hooves of an ass. So, drawing my sword I seized and bound her and c emanded that she tell me everything. She replied, although reluctantly, that they were women of the sea, called Asslegs, and they made a meal of visiting strangers. 'When we have got them drunk,' she s: id, 'we go to bed with them and attack them while they are sleeping.' After hearing this I left her tied up there, and going on to a roof-top I gave a loud shout to summon my companions. When they had assembled I told them everything, showed them the bones, and took them in to my prisoner. But she at once turned to water and vanished. I plunged my sword into the water to see what happened, and it turned to blood.
We hastened back to the ship and sailed off; and vhen day began to dawn, we saw land and assumed it was that which '. ay opposite to our own world. We greeted it with homage and offere d up prayers, and then began to ponder our future. Some of us thou jht we should just land, and then turn round and go back again; others proposed leaving the boat there and going inland to see who lived t lere. But while we were deliberating this, a violent storm struck us and dashed the boat to pieces on the beach; and we had great difficu.ty swimming out, snatching up our arms and anything else we could
Well, that's what happened to me up to the point that I reached the other continent, first at sea, then during the voyage among the islands and in the air, and after that in the whale, and, whe n we escaped from it, among the heroes and the dreams, and finally ar long the Bullheads and the Asslegs. What happened in that continen: I'll tell you in the following books.*
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