Worksheet - Lesson 2: Cohesion, Coherence, and Emphasis


Principles:

1.  Put new information last

2.  Use passive voice judiciously

3.  Make sure the first and last sentences of a paragraph match


Exercises (revise these sentences for clarity using the principles of this lesson):


1.  These data were then subjected to hierarchical clustering using the Pearson correlation as the
distance metric.


[INS: We subjected :INS] [INS: [DK1]  :INS] [INS: the data to hierarchical clustering using the
Pearson correlation as the distance metric :INS] [INS: [DK2]  :INS] [INS: . :INS] [INS: :INS]


2.  We designated the putative GRB target genes as the human TFs that were under a HCNE density
peak and whose orthologs were in conserved synteny with an array of HCNEs in human:zebrafish
alignments. Density peaks and syntenic regions were downloaded from the Ancora Genome
Browser.[DK3]


3.  By analyzing all of the available mouse cDNA sequences, it was found that the mouse genome
encodes at least 44 000 distinct transcriptional units; a transcriptional unit comprises all the
RNAs that share a common exonic sequence transcribed from the same genomic strand.


[INS: We analyzed :INS] [INS: [DK4]  :INS] [INS: all available mouse cDNA sequences and found that
the mouse genome encodes at least 44,000 distinct transcriptional units :INS] [INS: . :INS] [INS:
:INS] [INS: A :INS] [INS: transcriptional unit :INS] [INS: [DK5]  :INS] [INS: comprises all RNAs
that share a common exonic sequence transcribed from the same genomic strand. :INS]


4.  Improvements are expected in the predictive power of all the scores being computed on
multispecies alignments.


[INS: We expect the predictive power of all scores :INS] [INS: computed on :INS] [INS: multispecies
alignments :INS] [INS: to improve :INS] [INS: [DK6]  :INS] [INS: . :INS] [INS: :INS]

[INS: We expect improvements in the predictive power of all scores computed on multispecies
alignments. :INS] [INS: :INS]


5.  With the development of molecular embryology and the coming of the post-genomic era, the
molecular mechanisms of morphological evolution have recently begun to be elucidated.

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: The development of molecular embryology and the coming of the post-genomic era :INS] [INS:
have recently begun to elucidate the :INS] [INS: molecular mechanisms of morphological evolution.
:INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: Thanks to the development of molecular embryology and the coming of the post-genomic era, w
:INS] [INS: e are beginning to understand :INS] [INS: [DK7]  :INS] [INS: t :INS] [INS: he molecular
mechanisms of morphological evolution :INS] [INS: . :INS]


6.  To assess the degree of enrichment of enhancer activities in predicted tissues, we compared the
relative frequency of enhancers for each of the three tissues examined here with a background set
of 528 previously tested sequences predicted to be developmental enhancers on the basis of extreme
sequence constraint that were not associated with a prior tissue specificity prediction.[INS: :INS]

[INS:   :INS]

[INS: We conducted an :INS] [INS: analysis to assess the degree of enrichment of enhancer
activities in predicted tissues. We use :INS] [INS: d :INS] [INS: a background set of 528
previously tested sequences predicted to be developmental enhancers on the basis of extreme
sequence constraint. We used :INS] [INS: this :INS] [INS: background set to compare the relative
frequency of enhancers for each of the three tissues examined here. None of the three tissues were
associated with a prior tissue specificity :INS] [INS: pr :INS] [INS: ediction. :INS] [INS: [DK8]
:INS]
________________________________

 [DK1]Active voice

 [DK2]New information

 [DK3]I agree with most of your assignments/comments. This is a horrible sentence and I will get
rid of it for any future uses, thank you for pointing this out J

 [DK4]Active voice

 [DK5]The second sentence should most likely come second – if only because the information included
at the end of the first sentence is explained in the second – though perhaps in somewhat simplified
terms, which may be somewhat confusing (one generally assumes that more complex information comes
later). From a coherence standpoint, however, this order appears to be correct.

 [DK6]This key piece of information is removed from the active component (We expect…), perhaps the
second version is more immediately clear to the reader. Both, however, are likely better than the
original passive sentence.

 [DK7]Active voice version of the above, modified wording.

 [DK8]This version of a solution is based in part on Veronika’s answer and I believe it works! To
enhance clarity, it was first of all essential to break up the sentence into manageable portions –
how that is actually done may vary and various solutions will differ J